Tag Archives: Humor

Airport Security: The Best Friend You’ll Ever Have Who’ll Detain You Indefinitely Without Charges

December 19, 2013

38 Comments

The TSA has begun working on reforming its methods at America’s airports to be more friendly and considerate of travelers passing through security checkpoints.   – AP Newswire item *** Hi there!  Where you headed?  Ah, Dublin, Ireland.  Well, top ‘o the morning to ye!  Ha ha.  They don’t really say that, of course.  Beautiful country.  […]

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The 5-Minute Hobbit

December 11, 2013

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The second installment in the Hobbit films comes out on Friday  And maybe you’re interested in seeing it, but don’t want to commit 3+ hours to watching or re-watching the first one.  And so I provide The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: The 5-Minute Version.   SCENE 1: Bilbo Baggins’ Home There is a knock at […]

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For This I Am Tha–EVERYONE SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO GIVE THANKS!

November 26, 2013

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I am thankful to have the whole family together this holiday evening, especially those who haven’t spoken to each other for so long, to share this special meal. I am thankful for this wonderful looking turkey, and the honor of carving it. I am thankful to hear the constant, joyful, piercing shriek of so many […]

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“Can’t Miss” Attractions At Our House, According To My One-Year-Old

November 21, 2013

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In Retail, No One Can Hear You Scream

November 12, 2013

170 Comments

The company where a friend of mine works was recently Streamlined For Greater Efficiency, which means he was Invited to Exit so that his position could be Folded Into Internal Synergy. (translation for those who don’t speak Doublespeak: The company’s going broke, so he was laid off after his position was eliminated) In order to […]

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What To Do When You Have $100K, But No Self-Esteem. Or Taste.

October 24, 2013

29 Comments

Recent news item: A 33-year-old Southern California man has had nearly $100,000 worth of plastic surgery on his face to make him look like pop star and train-wreck-waiting-to-happen Justin Beiber. ** Better things you could do $100,000 worth of plastic surgery: Get $50K of plastic surgery to look like Beiber, and save the other 50 […]

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Banking On Hitting My Marks

October 15, 2013

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Shot a commercial the other day in which I played the dramatic and exciting role of “man whose life is ridiculously cool and happy because he has mobile banking.”  All in all, the shoot went fine.  They say that 75% of acting is being able to hit your marks, and I think I hit all […]

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OMG, You Won’t BELIEVE How Badly These Celebrities Have Aged!

October 7, 2013

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1. Ricky Schroeder Ricky charmed America on Silver Spoons.  Since then, he’s put on almost 100 pounds, in addition to gaining nearly 35 years!  I guess we now what was on the silver spoon: hot fudge! 2. Ingrid Bergman She used to light up the screen with her sensuality.  Has she ruined her looks with […]

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If Other People Took On A “Government Shut-Down” Approach…

October 3, 2013

56 Comments

“You have cancer, which is horrible.  The treatment is chemotherapy which should help but I think there should be something better, so I’ve decided to let you die.  I will be charging you for the treatment, though.” “I realize we lost the big game, but we really wanted to win, so we’ve locked the gates […]

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My Predictions For The Final Episode of “Breaking Bad”

September 29, 2013

22 Comments

It’s all come to this.  The final episode. Tonight.  And, I’ll be honest – I’m not sure my heart can take it.  This show has managed to ratchet tension up so high it needs a surgeon general’s warning.  And if you’re not watching Breaking Bad?  Good God!  You need two TV’s and a Netflix account […]

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All I Ask Is For All I Ask

September 26, 2013

45 Comments

All I ask are moments of peace where I can stop and be in the moment. All I ask is to be grateful for the things I have. All I ask is to be trusted and worthy of trust. All I ask is to have the courage to try new things, and to be immediately […]

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