Okay, you know the 7 Deadly Sins.  Lust, sloth, greed, etc. (you can rent Se7en if you need a refresher).  Well I’ve always wondered why there isn’t an 8th.  You have to understand, though, I don’t mean “sin” in the sense of the pet-peeves of a petulant God, fuming from the heavens. I mean in the […]

Right now, we’re just a couple of guys, standing on the porch on a snowy night, talking about pudding. But make no mistake, fail to produce some figgy pudding and we will burn your god damn life to the ground.

A co-worker tells you he’s 3 days from retirement. Your first thought is “Wish I was retiring” “Hm, wonder who’ll replace him? “You’re totally a dead man.” You go to unlock a door – car door, apartment, whatever. As you reach for the lock, you drop your keys at the last second. As you bend […]

First off, this is very thorough.  Great job – you’ve got everything here a language needs to be not only functional, but allow for nuance, tone, even connotation. I do have some concerns, though. The first is there seem to be some important words missing.  Example: There’s an entire entertainment industry built off of enjoying […]

Wow, all these superhero movies. They’re everywhere aren’t they? And they just keep being wildly popular. But these superhero movies… they’re lacking something… a certain je ne sais quoi… well, actually, I do sais quoi: they’re lacking me! Yes, the time has come for a Byronic Man superhero movie. And not just because the name […]

Today marks the 35-year anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens, in southern Washington State.  What follows is a chronology of some of the more note-worthy moments: July 9, 38,000 BC – Mount St. Helens forms, beginning a devious plot to erupt and destroy the area towns. August 15, 1979 – As per the […]

I’ve decided that the courts need to not only allow, but perhaps even mandate, brains to marry one another. Why? Because of smoke alarm batteries. That isn’t clear? Oh. Let me explain. The other night, right about 3am, a battery in one of our smoke alarms went out. So, of course, it began its beeping, […]

For the school where I work, this past weekend was prom – that magical night when a girl’s dreams come true.  Assuming her dreams involve trying to walk in 5-inch heels, not eating your expensive dinner because the dress is too tight, and then listening to deafening music with a guy who thinks he’s the […]

May my children have the strength to forgive those who treat them poorly. And may those who treat them poorly be granted understanding of their actions. And then may that understanding make them be driven blind with grief, and plunge them into insanity and despair forever. May my children have the skill and good fortune […]

Sign posted in a hotel I stayed at recently: “HEY!” “WHAT?” “DO YOU SEE THAT RED THING ON THE WALL?” “THE THING THAT’S FLASHING?” “YEAH, WITH THE PIERCING HORN BLASTS COMING OUT OF IT. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?” “I DON’T KNOW. IS IT FOR PAGING SOMEONE?” “WELL, IT SAYS ‘FIRE’ ON IT.” “RIGHT, […]

If this is your third time at Fight Club and you still haven’t brought anything for the potluck table, I mean, it’s not a requirement I guess, but come on, dude. No making “whoosh” or “pow” sounds to give your punches sound effects. Matrix Club meets down the street. Breakdance fights, or spirited arguments are […]