Dear Valued Mortgage Holder: We are very pleased to inform you that we are currently in the process of merging with another bank. This will offer many exciting, new possibilities for the future. First off, thanks for saying I’m valued. I don’t want to make this weird, but I’ve been feeling pretty unappreciated lately, and […]

The TSA has begun working on reforming its methods at America’s airports to be more friendly and considerate of travelers passing through security checkpoints.   – AP Newswire item *** Hi there!  Where you headed?  Ah, Dublin, Ireland.  Well, top ‘o the morning to ye!  Ha ha.  They don’t really say that, of course.  Beautiful country.  […]

“You have cancer, which is horrible.  The treatment is chemotherapy which should help but I think there should be something better, so I’ve decided to let you die.  I will be charging you for the treatment, though.” “I realize we lost the big game, but we really wanted to win, so we’ve locked the gates […]

All I ask are moments of peace where I can stop and be in the moment. All I ask is to be grateful for the things I have. All I ask is to be trusted and worthy of trust. All I ask is to have the courage to try new things, and to be immediately […]

Look, I like to think I can make with the occasional bit of funny here.  But I know who’s in charge.  And that Monarch is, of course, The Onion. Sorry, Brits – The Daily Mash is pretty great, but The Onion is, frankly, staggering.  And today they are 25 years old.  So, to celebrate in […]

Today I’m over at The Outlier Collective, partaking in the dissection and reaction to Robin Thicke’s pop song, “Blurred Lines.”  Brace yourself: In responding to his laughable assertion that the song is “feminist,” I’m taking a satirical approach. See you there!

“Join the Take ‘N Bake Revolution!” – Papa Murphy’s Pizza flyer left at our house. Day 152: I know we must continue to work in the shadows, but at times my rage is barely containable.  I watch these people deceived by the mindless convenience of the oppressive “delivery” system under which we toil.  It pains […]

1. Some people wear portable urinals, so they don’t have to stop shopping to urinate.  This is, of course, absurd.  Those things are clunky and, once full, heavy, inevitably slow you down.  If you need to urinate, simply let ‘er rip.  This will not only save time, it will be an invaluable asset should people […]

The Byronic Man is a certified astrologer.  He has a Masters degree in Zodiacry from the University of Nehru, and a PhD in Astronomy and Astro-Physics from The Louvre. Capricorn: Today you will meet a Pisces and fall wildly in love and live passionately, and ecstatically.  Unless you miss your opportunity. Talk to every person […]

Howdy, Laksehore High Panthers! I hope you had a great summer and are ready for another year of Panther Pride!  RAAWR! As you’re getting ready to put away the flip-flops and break out the new school shoes, here’s lots of good news and a few tips to help you prepare for how to make the […]

The other day I happened to mention that it’s illegal in Oregon, where I live, to pump your own gas.  This was inconceivable to a few people, seeing as how it’s a law that, you know, makes no sense and protects nobody from anything.  This was compounded when I explained that it’s illegal to pump […]