- You do not talk about Fight Club
- YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.
- If someone says stop, goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
- Only 2 guys to a fight.
- One fight at a time.
- No shirt, no shoes.
- Fights will go on as long as they have to.
- If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.
- If this is your second time at Fight Club, you have to help clean up at the end of the evening.
-
You know, it’s YOUR fight club, and if you choose not to bring any food…
If this is your third time at Fight Club and you still haven’t brought anything for the potluck table, I mean, it’s not a requirement I guess, but come on, dude.
- No making “whoosh” or “pow” sounds to give your punches sound effects. Matrix Club meets down the street.
- Breakdance fights, or spirited arguments are allowed.
- No body armor. I can’t believe that’s not obvious.
- No selfies during a fight. This is more advice than a rule.
- Talking about fight club in code – like calling it “Bite Shrub” or “Kite Flub” or “Ite-fay Ub-clay” – is still considered talking about it.
- You get to win on your birthday.
- Obvious cracks around Mr. Durden such as “Hey, Mr. Durden, you get a haircut? You look like an entirely different person!” or “Who do you think you are, Brad Pitt?” are heavily discouraged.
-
Oh, that’s right, we’re also expanding in to Fight-PIlates on Wednesdays and Friday mornings.
Thursday night is fajita night.
- THURSDAY NIGHT IS FAJITA NIGHT.
- If, hypothetically, this club grew in to a sort of anarchy cult called, like – and this is off the top of my head – Project Mayhem, where we – again, purely as a hypothetical – destroyed buildings and stuff, you wouldn’t be allowed to talk about that, either.
- But if that happened, then you could talk about Fight Club, just not the other thing.
- A-HA! GOTCHA!! No, you still can’t talk about Fight Club!
- I know we’re all real proud of what we do here and want to show off a little, but, seriously, we just have to say No Kids.
Whoo! Way to commit to the theme, fight clubbers!
- The first Saturday of every month will be a theme night, such as our recent “Renaissance Fight Club,” “Star Trek Fight Club” and “80’s Video Fight Club”.
- No more bears. I think we all learned a valuable lesson in humility that night.
Fight Club: The Complete Rules
August 18, 2014
About The Byronic Man
Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.
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86 Comments on “Fight Club: The Complete Rules”
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August 18, 2014 at 4:06 am
I am highly tickled by this.
– sonmicloud
August 18, 2014 at 9:25 am
I am gratified by your state of ticklement.
September 19, 2014 at 9:23 am
I am very tickled by that as well…at least I think it was that…God I hope it wasn’t some random person’s hand!
August 18, 2014 at 4:14 am
Made me laugh out loud – if only there was an acronym for that…
August 18, 2014 at 9:27 am
I like the wildly hyperbolic ones that never actually happen in life. LMAOROTFGFBEFWBSMPCBMBHASPCNOO (laughing my ass off, rolling on the floor, gasping for breath, eyeball filling with blood, soiled my pants, can’t breathe, may be having a stroke, please call nine-one-one)
August 18, 2014 at 2:44 pm
…I’m cackling over here. Loved this post!
August 19, 2014 at 2:10 am
CSTMWIHTOTLWYDTOIEINNNBTPFE!
(Chuckling slightly to myself, wish I had thought of that, love what you did there, only in England it is nine-nine-nine, but ten points for effort!)
August 18, 2014 at 4:33 am
If I said to someone, “Hey, you have to read what’s on my computer screen right now. You’ll love it,” that’s not talking about, you know, right?
August 18, 2014 at 4:34 am
P.S. I think I say this a lot, but this is one of your best ever. Very funny!
August 18, 2014 at 9:29 am
Wow, thanks for saying so!
August 18, 2014 at 4:56 am
I did not see a rule “You do not blog about Fight Club”, so I think it’s okay.
August 18, 2014 at 9:31 am
That’s encouraged. Also Tweeting. #ow, #doteethgrowback? #justgotbeatupbyMeatloaf
August 18, 2014 at 4:41 am
Oh, this was really brilliant. One of my favourite movies ever, and this was a wonderful send-up. Especially loved the bit about Project Mayhem.
August 18, 2014 at 6:01 am
When’s fajita night again? Don’t want to miss that one.
August 18, 2014 at 9:32 am
It helps to imagine shirtless brad pit yelling it at you.
August 18, 2014 at 6:30 am
Nothing about No Girls Allowed, so I’m in, but only on Thursdays. Corn tortillas or flour?
August 18, 2014 at 9:32 am
Well, some of the guys were resistant, but there was a whole Title Nine uproar so, long story short, yes, women are welcome.
August 18, 2014 at 6:36 am
Reblogged this on Reflections of a Pastor Couple and commented:
Important to follow the rules
August 18, 2014 at 6:37 am
I’ve missed reading your blog. Picked a good time to jump back in.
August 18, 2014 at 4:54 pm
Thanks, nice to see you here!
August 18, 2014 at 7:37 am
I’ll bring my world famous bean dip.
August 18, 2014 at 4:55 pm
But can people talk about it?
August 20, 2014 at 9:52 am
I would say that discussions over dip and casserole recipes may take place at Fight Club, but only at Fight Club.
All leftovers must be destroyed.
August 18, 2014 at 10:20 am
Reblogged this on Sonmi's Cloud and commented:
Duly pilfered and re-posted.
August 18, 2014 at 10:41 am
Good lord this was hilarious! you made me laugh out loud several times, no mean feat considering the state of things lately.
Also, I’ve never seen the movie Bite Shrub, so I assume the gist of it is Brad Pitt played an asshole with ripped abs and loose-fitting pants?
August 22, 2014 at 6:34 am
Me neither, Miss Darls. But I still recognize the funny when it bitch-slaps me.
August 26, 2014 at 2:21 pm
Well, it’s about… hm… it’s about… well… Yeah, mostly shirtless Brad Pitt. Some punching. People learn and grow. It’s a feel-good movie.
August 26, 2014 at 5:55 pm
Ohhhhh. So what you’re saying is it’s the best movie ever made.
August 29, 2014 at 9:22 am
Hey, B-man, you’re FPd, right next to me. Welcome! Did you bring the drinks?
August 29, 2014 at 10:50 am
say wha? Congrats to you too B-man! Of course, I’m not surprised, this post was brilliant and made me laugh so hard.
And I brought you guys a half-drunk bottle of PBR, some nacho chips and a bowl of what I think used to be guacamole.
November 10, 2014 at 11:22 am
(Oh my God – I’ve been away for a while because of… things… mostly a new baby… I come back to “85 Comments Waiting Approval.” I’m surprised they didn’t Un-Press me…
August 18, 2014 at 12:23 pm
Hahaha! That is just awesome. 🙂 I JUST caught part of the movie this weekend and was saying I have to sit and watch the whole thing in full. Now I get to watch it with this list in mind so it’ll be pretty much ruined for my husband from my inappropriate laughter at inopportune moments of the film. He’s never seen it…
August 26, 2014 at 2:22 pm
Well, one of life’s great joys is laughing at the wrong time during a movie. I burst out laughing during Guardians Of The Galaxy during a serious scene when I realized the thundering, sadistic, genocidal villain was being played by the Piemaker from the show “Pushing Daisies.”
August 18, 2014 at 1:13 pm
I’m pretty sure if you brought the bear in on your birthday, things would have worked out just fine.
August 26, 2014 at 2:23 pm
But if it’s the bear’s birthday? Just stay home that night.
August 18, 2014 at 2:20 pm
That is great and brought to mind The 213 Things Skippy Is Not Allowed to Do
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6167529/1/213-things-skippy-can-no-longer-do-in-the-us-army
I love #25.
August 18, 2014 at 2:44 pm
Also, is there room for one more at Fight Pilates?
August 18, 2014 at 4:02 pm
I tried to find out but every time I asked they yelled at me that I’m not supposed to talk about it.
August 18, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Brilliant rules, and I’m totally down for any night EXCEPT fajita night. The peppers and onions make me gassy
August 26, 2014 at 2:24 pm
Nothing’s more embarrassing than flatulence during a fist-fight. Everyone’s trying not to giggle, you’re walking funny trying to hold it in…
August 29, 2014 at 9:34 am
This is hilarious. I’m laughing out loud at the comment play.
Congratulations on being FPd! Well deserved.
You were pressed right after Pegoleg was FPd.
Two great blogs I know up on the big wall at the same time. And, you CAN talk about it. 🙂
August 18, 2014 at 6:03 pm
Reblogged this on BLOGTENDI.
August 19, 2014 at 2:42 am
I wonder if Mime Fight Club would be a workable theme night. Mimes would be singularly appropriate given the rules, no?
August 26, 2014 at 2:25 pm
I think it’s okay to mime about Fight Club, but the mime’s just get beaten up anyway.
August 19, 2014 at 5:59 am
I’ll be there on Thursday. I’m a sucker for a good fajita. And that’s the ONLY reason I’m coming. Because there’s nothing else to see here, folks. Nope, not a thing.
August 26, 2014 at 2:26 pm
If it’s your first Thursday at fight club, you simply HAVE to try Dan’s homemade salsa.
August 19, 2014 at 8:32 pm
Number 19. NUMBER 19!
August 20, 2014 at 8:21 am
I didn’t see a rule about do-overs. Can I assume that there are do-overs at Fight Club?
August 26, 2014 at 2:26 pm
Of course – everyone deserve’s a do-over!
August 27, 2014 at 12:17 pm
Good to know, Thanks, B Man! 🙂
August 22, 2014 at 5:01 am
It makes me very happy to see all the rules in their entirety but I can’t really tell you that. See rule #1,2,15 & 22. I’m not talking about it.
August 29, 2014 at 9:16 am
Pure awesome.
August 29, 2014 at 10:40 pm
Reblogged this on Apps Lotus's Blog.
August 30, 2014 at 9:13 am
Reblogged this on THE DUNGEON DRAGON SOCIETY. and commented:
yes, Now This is strait out The dungeon.
August 30, 2014 at 11:19 am
What about adding a rule like, “No hitting in the ‘beer belly’?” For middle-aged men like me, this essential rule is a deal-breaker. Hilarious post – time to watch the flick again. Cheers.
August 30, 2014 at 2:31 pm
Reblogged this on mynewbeginnings2012 and commented:
Love this!
August 30, 2014 at 4:17 pm
“No making “whoosh” or “pow” sounds to give your punches sound effects.”
So Chris Pratt wouldn’t be allowed in the Fight Club then. I guess he’d be a little sad about that…
August 30, 2014 at 7:06 pm
Reblogged this on .
August 30, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Matrix Club down the street. Hilarious! No selfies during a fight. Even more hilarious. Thanks for this. Love Fight Club.
August 31, 2014 at 6:27 am
I love this!!! Loved the you-know-what-we’re-not-supposed-to-talk-about-it too, except for Brad Pitt. This is hilarious lol.
Congratulations on being Freshly pressed!
Cheers,
Cookie ~
August 31, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Reblogged this on justaregularteenager and commented:
you do not talk about fight club period.
September 1, 2014 at 5:24 am
wow
September 1, 2014 at 5:15 pm
If you need entrance music you must supply the MP3 30 minutes before your fight.
If two combatants have the same theme music….. well, we call that a grudge match
If that same theme song comes from Seattle in the 90’s…. well we call that a grunge match.
September 2, 2014 at 8:05 am
Thank GOODNESS you posted these. My chapter of Fight Club has been at odds about many of these rules. You, sir, are a life saver.
September 2, 2014 at 12:26 pm
Reblogged this on I am not a wine snob but … and commented:
Well Thursdays work for me. See you there
September 2, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Reblogged this on Q's place and commented:
First rule of Fight club…and the other 20something rules, left on the cutting room floor.
September 4, 2014 at 9:14 am
i love that movie but this is hilarious loool
September 4, 2014 at 12:03 pm
Okay fine! I will follow you and have someone FUNNY on my list.. Also, isn’t telling me the rules of fight club technically talking about fight club?
September 5, 2014 at 2:29 am
Reblogged this on ChicParadiz and commented:
Weekend intro
September 8, 2014 at 10:13 am
I’ll have to bide my time between the Matrix club and the club to which I shan’t name as per the extensive but fairly legit rules… I just don’t know that I could ever be a truly fulfilled fighter without my POW app.
Also, very funny post–thanks for the laugh!
-Tallulah
September 8, 2014 at 1:01 pm
I am Jack’s physical response to humorous stimuli. 😛
September 8, 2014 at 8:02 pm
Reblogged this on lulubellaloveslife and commented:
Hahahahaha #WhatFightClub?
September 9, 2014 at 3:00 pm
Reblogged this on Abbie H Brewer and commented:
I will never watch Fight Club in the same way again. I love this!
September 11, 2014 at 10:49 am
Enjoyed this!
September 13, 2014 at 10:43 am
Bwahaha! Got to this late, but in this case, late is definitely better than never!
September 23, 2014 at 3:11 pm
Fantastic post. Though I am new at WordPress it’s posts like these that inspire me to write more. I hope you can take some time and go through my blog. It’s new but your critique can help me hone my art too. 🙂 PS: Food before Fights. 😉 Thursday a Fajita night … I can almost hear Brad Pitt saying the same in the movie. Had it happened the movie would be more like Ratatouille 🙂
September 24, 2014 at 4:01 am
HAHA!! number 11..for those who are ninjas..in their minds…good stuff..needed it today 🙂
September 30, 2014 at 6:45 am
Why would anyone ever fight on any night other than Thursday? Science says nothing replenishes norepinephrine like sizzling beef (fajitas also make great hot compresses).
October 1, 2014 at 5:37 pm
Love it. Great list of rules for, you know, the thing.
October 20, 2014 at 4:24 am
Thanks for share us…nice blog
November 2, 2014 at 9:59 am
This is amazing! AAAAAAAA
November 9, 2014 at 9:39 pm
“A-HA! Gotcha! No, you still can’t talk about Fight Club.” Hilarious.
February 17, 2015 at 10:31 am
I love this movie!
April 17, 2015 at 8:10 am
Reblogged this on Joker'N'Harley.