Tag Archives: culture

Oh, A “Yard Sale”? Sure, That’s Just What The Government Wants You To Think.

October 15, 2012

21 Comments

*** While The Byronic Man learns the answer to the query, “4 should be fine.  I mean, how many burp cloths could a person possibly need?” please enjoy this old, uh, classic post.  *** Okay, pop quiz, hot shot… You’re at a yard sale.  Why are you at a yard sale?  I don’t know, maybe […]

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Running Out of Alternatives

July 23, 2012

47 Comments

It’s always easiest to point to something. To say, ‘there – there’s the problem. Here’s how to fix it.’  It’s easier because it absolves us; it’s easier because it makes something impossible to comprehend make sense; it’s easier because it assigns blame.  And it’s easiest because these thing we point to, they’re not wrong.  But […]

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Please Hire Me To Be An Astronaut

November 18, 2011

28 Comments

Did you know Saturn isn't spherical, but actually ovoid?  No?  Hm.  I'll send you a postcard from space.

Dear NASA, I read this morning that you are currently taking applications to be an astronaut.  I was under the impression you were making a lot of cutbacks so I’m not sure how this is possible, but I stopped reading after the “Now Hiring” part because I wanted to get my resume in right away. […]

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Don’t Talk Dirty To Me

November 4, 2011

17 Comments

Good citizens of the Byroniverse!  Stop talking!  Stop talking immediately!  With every word you say you quite possibly push yourself closer to eternal damnation!  You sully the very goodness of the world!  Oh, I knew language was opening the door to trouble, but I had no idea it hid such filth and vulgarity within its […]

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Terrifying Reality TV Statistics: Free With Every Box of Thin Mints

October 14, 2011

24 Comments

A study conducted by the Girl Scout Research Institute (which is apparently a real place, where I doubt there are serious-looking women walking around with clipboards while wearing the little uniform) has concluded that girls who watch awful reality TV shows have worse images of themselves and beliefs about how to behave as women.  I […]

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Please Hire Me To Be Apple’s New Visionary

October 8, 2011

17 Comments

It is very, very sad that Steve Jobs has passed away, for many reasons, of course; but for we, the world, it is mostly for the loss of his vision, and the incredible things he surely had yet to create. And while he had resigned from Apple shortly before his death, he could only ever […]

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7 Reasons You Should Care About the 20th Anniversary Re-Issue of Nirvana’s Nevermind

September 27, 2011

7 Comments

It’s just so, so, so much better than you remember it being.  When’s the last time you listened to Sgt. Pepper’s?  Or Led Zeppelin IV?  Or Thriller?  Long time, right?  Because even if you thought about it, albums like that feel like their permanently etched in the brain.  Like you’ve heard it so much, it’s […]

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Your Handy, Informative “Falling-Satellite Survival Guide”

September 21, 2011

17 Comments

As you may have heard, the UARS satellite, first put in orbit in 1991, will be coming out of orbit on Friday.  The satellite, which weighs 6.5 tons and is about the size of a school bus, will burn up on re-entry… mostly.  NASA scientists speculate that approximately 26 pieces of debris will survive re-entry […]

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Any Sign is a Relief If You’re Lost

September 5, 2011

17 Comments

Yesterday was a day for a couple good omens, which it seems like everyone could use right now.  One good omen involves some friends of ours who may be coming to the end of a very dark period in their lives.  The other was that my garage is clean. One is possibly a bigger positive […]

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Welcome Back, Teachers!

September 1, 2011

10 Comments

Dear Teachers, Welcome back, staff of Lakeshore High!  I hope you had a terrific summer and that you’re excited for another great year!  Remember how important your job is, and that our community respects and appreciates what you do here.  Some of you may be feeling discouraged after last week’s “Teachers are Lazy, Inept, Leeches […]

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If I Was An American-Indian…

August 22, 2011

8 Comments

I would carry around a recording of a hawk’s cry, and play it every time I entered a room. I would litter, and when people looked at me funny, say, “Problem?” I would open a casino advertising an “authentic Indian experience.”  Then I would make the games extra hard to win.  If someone did win, […]

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