The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]

Whoooaa, now!  Letterman announces his retirement, opening the doors to months of giving our lives meaning by arguing endlessly over who should take over and you just, just, just… name someone?  That’s just mean!  And are you sure you’ve given this enough thought?  And, NBC, on a scale of 1-to-10, how committed are you to […]

“…There shall be no use of illegal drugs on the premises by the lessee, or associates of the lessee, subject to immediate nullification of the rental contract…” – clause in standard rental agreements * Scenario 1: Landlord: And in here you’ll see the main room.  Fireplace works, we just ask that you get the chimney […]

Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.” There was no President Hayes.  As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball.  Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born. Nixon refused […]

  * “I was going to get you roses but they’re expensive, so I cut this picture of Axl Rose out of Rolling Stone instead.” * “Just love me and I’ll give your dog back.” * “Thank you for this book of coupons for free, sensual massages!  Do… Do I have to redeem them with […]

During his time as host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno made 4,607 jokes about Bill Clinton, 795 jokes about OJ Simpson, 505 jokes about Michael Jackson, and 454 jokes about Monica Lewinsky. – Finding by the Center for Media And Public Affairs Hour 1 – Alright!  Got a job!  Cataloging Leno’s jokes won’t change […]

Superbowls never go quite the way people think they’re going to.  And this year?  No exception. What were some of the more surprising moments? 1. Completely shattering all expectations, and defying the most refined Vegas odds, The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform their halftime set with their shirts on. 2. After calling the coin toss […]

I can be a word snob; I admit that.  But I am also a reasonable man.  When things reach such a crisis level as this, immediate diplomatic action is required, lest things break out in to total chaos. I am, of course, referring to Google’s addition to its definition of “literal” as “used for emphasis […]

I did a commercial last week for an insurance company, in which I walk you through the process of signing up for insurance and explain the new health care laws.  The gist of it is that signing up for health care is easy and the insurance companies are here for you. You know, lying. The […]

The TSA has begun working on reforming its methods at America’s airports to be more friendly and considerate of travelers passing through security checkpoints.   – AP Newswire item *** Hi there!  Where you headed?  Ah, Dublin, Ireland.  Well, top ‘o the morning to ye!  Ha ha.  They don’t really say that, of course.  Beautiful country.  […]