Title: Eat, Pray, Love ; Rejected Title: Read, Binge, Sulk Title: 100 Years Of Solitude; Rejected Title: 100 Years of People With The Same Name So You Can’t Keep Track Of Squat Title: The Great Gatsby; Rejected Title: How Gatsby Got His Groove Back (and then got shot in a swimming pool) Title: Things Fall […]
Tag Archives: Humor
If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…
May 19, 2014

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]
Please Hire Me To Be Your Late Night Talk Show Host
April 14, 2014

Whoooaa, now! Letterman announces his retirement, opening the doors to months of giving our lives meaning by arguing endlessly over who should take over and you just, just, just… name someone? That’s just mean! And are you sure you’ve given this enough thought? And, NBC, on a scale of 1-to-10, how committed are you to […]
The Thin Triplicate Line Between Society & Chaos
March 3, 2014

“…There shall be no use of illegal drugs on the premises by the lessee, or associates of the lessee, subject to immediate nullification of the rental contract…” – clause in standard rental agreements * Scenario 1: Landlord: And in here you’ll see the main room. Fireplace works, we just ask that you get the chimney […]
Amaze Your Friends With These Little-Known Presidential Facts!
February 17, 2014

Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.” There was no President Hayes. As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball. Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born. Nixon refused […]
What Not To Say On Valentine’s Day
February 13, 2014

* “I was going to get you roses but they’re expensive, so I cut this picture of Axl Rose out of Rolling Stone instead.” * “Just love me and I’ll give your dog back.” * “Thank you for this book of coupons for free, sensual massages! Do… Do I have to redeem them with […]
The Long, Dark Tonight Show Of The Soul
February 11, 2014

During his time as host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno made 4,607 jokes about Bill Clinton, 795 jokes about OJ Simpson, 505 jokes about Michael Jackson, and 454 jokes about Monica Lewinsky. – Finding by the Center for Media And Public Affairs Hour 1 – Alright! Got a job! Cataloging Leno’s jokes won’t change […]
Biggest Surprises of Superbowl XLVIII
February 3, 2014

Superbowls never go quite the way people think they’re going to. And this year? No exception. What were some of the more surprising moments? 1. Completely shattering all expectations, and defying the most refined Vegas odds, The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform their halftime set with their shirts on. 2. After calling the coin toss […]
This Literally Means War, Figuratively
January 20, 2014

I can be a word snob; I admit that. But I am also a reasonable man. When things reach such a crisis level as this, immediate diplomatic action is required, lest things break out in to total chaos. I am, of course, referring to Google’s addition to its definition of “literal” as “used for emphasis […]
Getting Insurance Is As Easy As Arguing Over A Shirt For 2 Hours!
January 7, 2014

I did a commercial last week for an insurance company, in which I walk you through the process of signing up for insurance and explain the new health care laws. The gist of it is that signing up for health care is easy and the insurance companies are here for you. You know, lying. The […]
June 23, 2014
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