Rejected Novel Titles: Revealed!

June 23, 2014


Title: Eat, Pray, Love ; Rejected Title: Read, Binge, Sulk

"And Then You Think Someone Dies, So You Cross Them Off And Then They Come Back And, I Mean, Come On…"

“And Then You Think Someone Dies, So You Cross Them Off And Then They Come Back And, I Mean, Come On…”

Title: 100 Years Of Solitude; Rejected Title: 100 Years of People With The Same Name So You Can’t Keep Track Of Squat 

Title: The Great Gatsby; Rejected Title: How Gatsby Got His Groove Back (and then got shot in a swimming pool)

Title: Things Fall Apart; Rejected Title: F*** You, Whitey

Title: 1,000 Places To See Before You Die; Rejected Title: 973 Places You Won’t See Before You Die

Title: Love In The Time Of Cholera; Rejected Title: I Love You So Mu—EEWWW!! What The Hell’s Coming Out Of You??!!

Title: Lord Of The Flies;  Rejected Title: Life’s A Bitch And Then You Crush Piggy With A Big Rock

Also rejected: "Hurray For Bunnies!"

Also rejected: “Who Loves Bunnies!?”

Title: Of Mice And Men; Rejected Title: The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Men… Something Something… Hey, How Does The Rest of That Go? You Never Hear Anyone Say The Whole Thing. Anyway, Lenny Dies At The End And It’s REALLY Sad.

Title: 50 Shades Of Gray; Rejected Title: I Writed A Book That’s Vary Durty!


, ,

About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man


Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

40 Comments on “Rejected Novel Titles: Revealed!”

  1. grannyK Says:

    I like the rejected titles! Great post.


  2. laugraeva Says:

    Read, Binge, Sulk would have been SO much better!


  3. List of X Says:

    War And Peace: one hundred million pages of boring and war.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Literally, every new line, when I thought “Okay, what book next?” I’d pop to Seinfeld’s “The original title of War & Peace was ‘War: What is it good for?'”


  4. aka gringita Says:

    This is just the laugh I needed on a Monday morning (though any day would do)! 😀

    PS “Love In The Time Of Cholera” rejected title was surely longer than that. I seem to remember my impression of that book as “Feels Like One Long Run-On Sentence.”


  5. Blogdramedy Says:

    All good summer beach reads.


  6. Hippie Cahier Says:

    I wonder which of the 27 places are just fillers. . .


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      It seems like there’s always a *few* you’ve seen. It almost makes it worse. If they were all expensive or far away, you’d forget about it. But there’s juuuuuust enough “Hey, I’ve been there!” moments to make you feel like a loser who never travels.


  7. Go Jules Go Says:

    I’m adding all of these to my 973 Books to Read While Visiting Good Places to Die.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      You know, the town I live in has been named one of America’s best places to die many times (by whomever makes such a list), which sounds kind of bad ass, until you realize it just means there’s lots of non-terrifying nursing homes and doctors.


  8. mistyslaws Says:

    With the 1,000 places book, it’s actually more like, “Hey, I’ve been there! Now that’s one less place I need to feel guilty about never putting down this bag of cheetos and getting off my couch to actually go see!”


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Which then gets compounded by pages of “I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. Hey, I’ve been there! I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser…”


  9. becomingcliche Says:

    Yep. The last one. Yep. Nailed it. Not in a euphemistic way, either.


  10. Michael Says:

    You think 100 Years of Solitude is bad about people with the same names, I’ve been going through the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. EVERYONE has the same name. I mean, in one chapter you might have Shemerin and Sheriam and Elayne and Moirane and Egwene and Sevanna and Serenna….just once I’d like a good solid “Bob” or “Jennifer” in there somewhere. Sigh,


  11. thefoodandwinehedonist Says:

    Loved 100 Years as a book, but the alternate title is spot on.

    Adding one: The Road’s rejected title – Makes The Jungle feel like a Romance Novel.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Oh, yeah, 100 Years is brilliant. I got SO MAD though, because I kept a flow-chart of characters, and crossed of someone who “dies” and then they turn up alive, and it was like Marquez was mocking me. “Oh, you won’t stay clear *that* easily!”


      • Dana Says:

        OMG, you kept a flow chart?? Now I don’t feel so bad for all of the spreadsheets I make (e.g., Number of Times We’ve Used The National Parks Pass; Hypothetical Amount of Money We’ve Saved/Lost by Using National Parks Pass, etc.)


  12. Jackie Cangro Says:

    Love in the Time of Swine Flu just doesn’t have the same ring to it.


  13. HemmingPlay Says:

    Reblogged this on HemmingPlay and commented:
    Thanks for giving me a laugh to start the week!


  14. She's a Maineiac Says:

    See, if only he had stuck with “Who Loves Bunnies?” I would have finally read the damned thing.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That’s why titling upcoming trilogy “Who Loves Ice Cream!?” “Who Loves Pandas!?” and “Who Loves Puppies!?”. It all about the financing of the War of 1812, but I think the titles will get people to buy them all.


  15. JB Lawton Says:

    I assume you know one of the real proposed titles of The Great Gatsby? Trimalchio in West Egg.


  16. BrainRants Says:

    Title: “The Kite Runner” — Rejected: “How to Chase Kites in Afghanistan Without Accidentally Tripping an IED on You Own Ass”

    Just saying…


  17. BrainRants Says:

    Also… Title: “The Help” — Rejected: “The Hell I’m Makin’ You No Damn Pie, Bitch”


  18. Sarah Day Says:

    I really want to like “100 Years of Solitude” – I’ve read it twice trying to force the issue – but the cast of characters leaves me in the dust. Maybe I could decipher it the third time with your flow chart…


  19. Lorna's Voice Says:

    How about “Pride and Prejudice”–rejected title: “The Republican Play Book” 😉


  20. Zainab Khawaja Says:

    Hilarious – loved the one about Gatsby!


  21. silkpurseproductions Says:

    The rejected titles are better than the published ones. My favourite is, “I Writed A Book That’s Vary Durty!”


  22. Andrew Gray Farron Says:

    973 Places you won’t see before you die … This made me burst out laughing. I needed that. Thank you.


Every Time You Leave A Comment, An Angel Gets Its Wings.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: