August 18, 2014

49 Comments

Oh, that's right, we're also expanding in to Fight-PIlates on Wednesdays and Friday mornings.

Fight Club: The Complete Rules

You do not talk about Fight Club YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. If someone says stop, goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Only 2 guys to a fight. One fight at a time. No shirt, no shoes. Fights will go on as long as they have to. If this is […]

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July 28, 2014

41 Comments

Time-Travel and Fish Vengeance: They Just Don’t Mix

Oh, Time Cop, right, the one with the splits and the cupboard... that one.

This is a recent, and real, posting on Craigslist, here where I live.  I’ve kept it exactly as is, except for removing information which might reveal identity or contact information: In need of a time travel companion (please take this seriously) I have a functioning time machine I know it sounds unbelievable, but “I assure […]

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July 15, 2014

144 Comments

Bailey

When I found Bailey at the pound, he was so malnourished that the Humane Society mis-identified him as a hound dog – just a depressed pile of bones and droopy skin. He could only walk about 15 feet at a time before he’d need to stop and rest for a moment. Then, as we fed […]

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July 1, 2014

21 Comments

Make It A 4th Of July No One Will Ever, Ever, Ever Forget!

Well, the fourth of July is coming up, and you know what that means: that on Friday people all over these United States will only have five more days until my birthday! But it’s also Independence Day.  And whether you’re planning a get-together or just wanting to enjoy the fireworks with friends and family, there are […]

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June 23, 2014

38 Comments

Rejected Novel Titles: Revealed!

Title: Eat, Pray, Love ; Rejected Title: Read, Binge, Sulk Title: 100 Years Of Solitude; Rejected Title: 100 Years of People With The Same Name So You Can’t Keep Track Of Squat  Title: The Great Gatsby; Rejected Title: How Gatsby Got His Groove Back (and then got shot in a swimming pool) Title: Things Fall […]

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June 9, 2014

41 Comments

5 Steps To Being Liked By All Those Stupid, Crappy Jerks Who Think They’re Better Than You

Slide4

It can seem so hard, sometimes, to get people to like you.  But with a few simple tricks, you can get anyone to like you, because people are such easily manipulated idiots! (Note: don’t tell them they’re idiots who are easily-manipulated.  Maybe that should be #6…) 1. People like to hear their name said to […]

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May 19, 2014

41 Comments

If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…

#8 - people don't usually cackle and rub their hands together as you eat if the apple ISN'T poisoned.

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]

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May 6, 2014

40 Comments

13.1 Things To Know For Your First Half-Marathon

See?  Look how happy I look.  I don't?  Oh.  Well, I am.

So, as some of you may know, I love running. I just genuinely love it. I’m no expert at it, or champion, or anything but I really like it. And now my good friend Jules over at Go Jules Go is a couple weeks away form embarking on her first half-marathon. And though I’m no […]

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May 1, 2014

26 Comments

How – Really – To Fold A Fitted Sheet

Elegance At Home, With Your Host: The Byronic Man!

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April 28, 2014

27 Comments

Oh Boy! My Mortgage Holder Is Merging With Another Bank! Eeeeeeeee!

Pictured here: recent merger of United Federal Trust - oh, no, wait; that's Mardi Gras!  Common  mix-up.

Dear Valued Mortgage Holder: We are very pleased to inform you that we are currently in the process of merging with another bank. This will offer many exciting, new possibilities for the future. First off, thanks for saying I’m valued. I don’t want to make this weird, but I’ve been feeling pretty unappreciated lately, and […]

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April 14, 2014

45 Comments

Please Hire Me To Be Your Late Night Talk Show Host

Poor Paul Rudd.  Poor, poor, poor Paul Rudd...

Whoooaa, now!  Letterman announces his retirement, opening the doors to months of giving our lives meaning by arguing endlessly over who should take over and you just, just, just… name someone?  That’s just mean!  And are you sure you’ve given this enough thought?  And, NBC, on a scale of 1-to-10, how committed are you to […]

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