Dear NASA, I read this morning that you are currently taking applications to be an astronaut.  I was under the impression you were making a lot of cutbacks so I’m not sure how this is possible, but I stopped reading after the “Now Hiring” part because I wanted to get my resume in right away. […]

President Obama attended the APEC summit yesterday, as part of the important international exchange of whatever the thing is that happens at this summit.  There’s probably something about trade agreements, though it seems to revolve largely around shirts.  Lots of matching shirts.  I’ve never understood the shirt thing (at conferences and whatnot.  I’m pretty clear […]

Hey, everyone, how are things?  How’s your week?  Anything interesting happen?  Uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Wow, that’s great but Oh my god listen to what happened to me! So, my mother-in-law has gone out of town for a few days, and we’ve been taking care of her house – feeding the pets, picking up mail, feeding […]

I LOVE CLOCK-CHANGE DAY SO MUCH.  Well, in the fall.  In the Spring I hate it like I hate hell.  It’s totally irrational of me, but I spend the entire day giddy, like I’ve been granted this unbelievable gift.  Like I’ve pulled one over on the world.  On time itself.  “Oh, I’ve got a lot […]

Good citizens of the Byroniverse!  Stop talking!  Stop talking immediately!  With every word you say you quite possibly push yourself closer to eternal damnation!  You sully the very goodness of the world!  Oh, I knew language was opening the door to trouble, but I had no idea it hid such filth and vulgarity within its […]

8:12 am.  Wake up.  Get some breakfast.  Check email.  Hm.  Internet appears to be down. Odd. Maybe the wireless modem got knocked over. 8:14am.  Modem is simply not working.  Why isn’t the modem working?  Will call tech support. 8:17 am.   “Mary” says the modem is broken and they have to ship another one.  It’ll […]

Excerpts from the filming session for Herman Cain’s latest political advertisement, which many media outlets are calling “the worst campaign ad of all time.”   “Okay, now, lots of candidates, they get celebrity endorsements.  Or political endorsements.  Or endorsements of regular, photogenic Americans.  But I’m seeing you, Mark Block.  Because Americans want to know how […]

Andrew L.  3 Stars.  I don’t know if this is a criticism or a compliment, but there’s almost too much to do.  There’s literally no possible way to do everything you’d like.  On one hand that’s great, but it can get frustrating.  “I want to be a surfer, oh wait, I want to be a […]