President Obama attended the APEC summit yesterday, as part of the important international exchange of whatever the thing is that happens at this summit. There’s probably something about trade agreements, though it seems to revolve largely around shirts. Lots of matching shirts. I’ve never understood the shirt thing (at conferences and whatnot. I’m pretty clear on the concept of shirts, as an entity). Frat parties to team-building workshops to, apparently, meetings of world-leaders, you gots to have a shirt!
This has been awesome, guys. And years from now, when I grab this shirt from the rag pile to wash the car or clean up dog vomit, I'll think of you.
Poncho. Poncho. Poncho. Hey! The guy in the back! HOW DARE HE.
It also touches on an odd element of international diplomacy – the wearing of the native clothes. I get the show of respect to the culture you’re visiting, but generally the visiting dignitary wears the outfit with all the grace and naturalism of a 14-year-old white girl dressed as Tituba for a high school production of The Crucible. So why keep it up? Does it matter that much? “Well, Mr. President, we have a great deal to offer one another, and could have decades of trade, but you refused to wear the poncho we gave you, so instead we are declaring war. Poncho battalion! ATTACK!”
Whatever the reasoning, it seems to be iron-clad. It seems like there’s a few approaches one can take to these situations. There’s the “I’m going to look serious to the point of hostility” approach.
Does the president of Guam look bad-ass in this shirt? No, he does not. It's all Clinton, baby.
There’s the “They really wear this? Well, that’s just nutty” approach.
“Hey, Pooty-poot! Look at me! I’m a girl!” (Sidenote: W. Bush supposedly really did refer to Vladimir Putin – ex-KGB, trained killer, president of Russia – as Pooty-poot)
The “Jesus, I’m the one of the most powerful people in the world and I have to endure this crap? Fine. Whatever.” Approach.
Oh, now we have to wave? Fine. I'm waving. I suppose we have to do a funny one next?
And finally, the “Hey, we can re-enact our favorite movie scenes!” approach, which I suspect would be mine.
Let's not let free trade enter "The Danger Zone," but instead make deals that "Take My Breath Away." Now who's up for some shirtless beach volleyball?!
So, good luck, Mr. Obama. Remember, be dignified, be respectful, be courageous, and remember that even if the tag says it won’t shrink, it generally will a little, so you might want to go a size up from what you normally wear.
The Byronic Man 
November 15, 2011 at 8:09 am
This reminds me to pick up a set of man jammies next time I go back to Afghanistan.
November 15, 2011 at 8:22 am
LMBO:
“Poncho battalion! ATTACK!”
scary part – it might be true!
November 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Yes, I think I learned a valuable lesson about comedy writing with this post. Namely: the word “poncho” is funny.
November 15, 2011 at 8:26 am
So offended. Use that shirt to clean up dog vomit? Those things are thin and barely absorbent. Get real. How dumb do you think I am? Don’t answer.
Also, what are the chances of a presidential team shirt being made out of a sham-wow? Practical, and soft against my skin.
November 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm
You know, as I wrote it I even thought, “Hm, that would be a terrible shirt for cleaning up vomit.” But I just really like the image of a world leader getting groggily out of bed and stepping in something gross and squishy, muttering angrily and finding a rag to clean it up.
November 15, 2011 at 10:31 am
I wonder how much those would be worth on ebay, rather than saving up for the Obama Museum and Library.
November 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Probably wouldn’t solve the debt crisis, but it’d be a nice gesture!
November 15, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Ha! Those poor shirts with the dog vomit fate. I definitely have a pile of those. Although…I have a guilty [pleasure] t-shirt confession. We started this annual Wii bowling tournament in my family, and I designed t-shirts. The tag line? “Show Mii the Money!” *cringe*
November 15, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Well, it could be more groan-inducing… I’m trying to think of how… nothing’s coming to me…shoot… well, it just could be, I’m sure.
November 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Jealousy does not become this blog, Mr. MacLymont. Tisk-tisk.
November 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Psh. The only one jealous is Obama, because I have a “Literacy Standards Luau” shirt and he doesn’t.
November 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm
So, what? You roasted a whole committee of bad spellers on a spit?
November 15, 2011 at 7:07 pm
We’re not supposed to talk about it…
November 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I bet they eat a lot at those summits. You can hide a lot under the matchy shirts.
November 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm
They’re usually billowy for a reason. In addition to gorging, a lot of presidents like to sneak some food home for people who donated to their campaigns.
November 15, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Clinton looks very Tony Soprano in that shirt.
November 16, 2011 at 5:01 am
The word poncho is funny. Period. Presidential poncho….that would sell like the Snuggie.
November 16, 2011 at 6:11 am
Poncho! PONCHO!! Apply directly to torso!
November 16, 2011 at 6:35 am
What a collection you’ve shared … I’m surprised these pictures have not appeared on the website Awkward Family Photos.
November 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm
First: having just seen a community theatre production of “The Crucible,” that reference has me rolling. Second: GW’s star smock looks like he should be in Disney’s “Fantasia.” Third: that last photo looks like they should wear flippers. Kind of lined up like the scuba dancers on the dock in Mamma Mia!
November 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm
It’s entirely possible that W is thinking the same thing.