Life: The Yelp Reviews

October 20, 2011

Humor

Andrew L.  3 Stars.  I don’t know if this is a criticism or a compliment, but there’s almost too much to do.  There’s literally no possible way to do everything you’d like.  On one hand that’s great, but it can get frustrating.  “I want to be a surfer, oh wait, I want to be a lawyer, oh wait, I want to explore the Himalayas, oops, now it’s too late.”  Overall definitely worth checking out, though; just prioritize.

Sure, the brochure implies it’s all this – but careful of a bait & switch

Amanda C.  4 stars.  Amazing!  Amazing!  Amazing!  Ending is a little abrupt, though.

Matthew M.  1 star.  Honestly, I just didn’t see the point.  Sure, lots of flash and razzle dazzle, but where was it all going?  All style, no substance.

Ming-Mai X.  4.5 stars.  It’d be really easy to focus on the flaws (and there are plenty), but the bottom line is this: your not going to find an experience like this anywhere else.  There is just so much to be found and so many great things.  I know some people are like, “there’s war and disease” or “natural disasters ruin everything” or “Oh, pooping is gross and not pooping is even worse” or whatever, but truly – you just have to see this.  I’m not saying you’ll love everything about it, but until you’ve experienced it, you wouldn’t understand.

Jim B.  5 stars.  NINERS RULE!!!!!

Alicia V.  4 stars.  Amazing, really.  Incredible attention to detail; pretty much something for everyone.  Sure, there are some spots that it might be better without (puberty?  Whose brainchild was that?), but overall, just jaw-dropping.  A few suggestions for first-timers: Pizza.  Sunshine on your face.  Sex.  Hiking somewhere.  Naps.  Having a job you think is fun.  Helping people.

A must have. Not to be missed.

Bhekithemba M.  2 stars.  Too many mosquitos.

Andre L.  2 stars.  There were some great things, but it was really all over the map.  There’s just no way to plan with any kind of consistency.  Just in the people I knew there was wealth, poverty, love, loneliness, happiness, misery, bad things happening to good people, unbelievable good fortune.  And as for any consistency in life span?  Don’t even get me started.  Unless you’re good with surprises I’d just stay away.

Visually cool, yes. But they happen to good people, too. What up with that?

Bjorn J.  5 stars.  Wow!  Just, wow!  Silly childhood; crazy early-adulthood; your prime; sagely old-age – this had it all!  You totally never know what’s around the corner, and you think you’ve got it all figured and POW.  You just cannot predict what’s going to happen next.  Not to be missed.

Rebecca D.  3 stars.  Good overall, but if you hook up with Peter Menster in Newcastle, he won’t call you, even though he’ll say he will.  He’s a jerk and his car smells like B.O. and I hate him.

Sanjay P.  3 stars.  Totally worth it, but there are some improvements I’d like to see happen.  I still don’t get only learning things after making mistakes.  Seems counter-productive.  Also the constant specter of death kind of puts a damper on things.  A more even distribution of resources might also ensure everyone being more likely to have a good time.  Just a suggestion!

Steve D.  1 star.  So when I’m young I want someone to give me advice, but there isn’t anyone, then I get older and realize there were tons of people to help, only I didn’t listen because I was too stupid to realize people were there to help – which is why I needed the help in the first place.  If something like that sounds funny or ironic or whatever to you?  Maybe you’ll like this.  I just felt jerked around.  Pass.

Smelling these is generally recommended. Preferably while stopped.

Walter P.  4 stars.  Okay, so first thing you’re probably going to think “What the hell?”  You’ll be confused, cold, hungry, everything’s kind of blurry and you can’t even lift up your own head.  That’s normal.  Give it time before you pass judgment.  It’s pretty tricky, because there’s this enormous world of possibility, and a tiny brain to process it all with, but if you stay loose, try new things, there’s nothing like it.

Byron M.  5 stars.  Cheese.  Trust me.  Try the cheese.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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13 Comments on “Life: The Yelp Reviews”

  1. Nonstepmom Says:

    Not sure how I would rate my life, holding out until I have an answer to my request for a “Do- over”. Apparently there’s a committee and a Board of Directors and I’ll probly have to do a Power Point …..

    Reply

  2. gojulesgo Says:

    This is fantastic. Pretty sure mine would be, “Too drunk to remember.” (Ah. Making my parents proud, one comment at a time.)

    Reply

    • Byron MacLymont Says:

      Drunken reviews are the best reviews, though! “Life? Oh it was all BrrrOOWWwrrr! You know? And then I’m like, ‘Wha?” and then we went to this thing and HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, I love you guys so much.” *cries*

      Reply

  3. jacquelincangro Says:

    Loved this! Makes me want to live life so I can rate 5 stars when the big D comes.

    Reply

  4. somebody Says:

    I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.

    Reply

  5. reppelmann Says:

    I think I slept with Jim B. *shakes head in shame and takes a shot*

    Reply

  6. pithypants Says:

    You nailed it. Not just the many perspectives on life, but also the voices of Yelp. I love this.

    Reply

  7. S. Trevor Swenson Says:

    I like Yelp. I find it to be an interesting social commentary. You have inspired me to write about Yelp as well. Thank you.

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. FTIAT: A Moment of Clarity « The Monster in Your Closet - October 28, 2011

    […] Recommended post: Life: The Yelp Reviews […]

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