June 9, 2014

41 Comments

5 Steps To Being Liked By All Those Stupid, Crappy Jerks Who Think They’re Better Than You

It can seem so hard, sometimes, to get people to like you.  But with a few simple tricks, you can get anyone to like you, because people are such easily manipulated idiots! (Note: don’t tell them they’re idiots who are easily-manipulated.  Maybe that should be #6…) 1. People like to hear their name said to […]

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May 19, 2014

41 Comments

If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]

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May 6, 2014

42 Comments

13.1 Things To Know For Your First Half-Marathon

So, as some of you may know, I love running. I just genuinely love it. I’m no expert at it, or champion, or anything but I really like it. And now my good friend Jules over at Go Jules Go is a couple weeks away form embarking on her first half-marathon. And though I’m no […]

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May 1, 2014

26 Comments

How – Really – To Fold A Fitted Sheet

Elegance At Home, With Your Host: The Byronic Man!

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April 28, 2014

27 Comments

Oh Boy! My Mortgage Holder Is Merging With Another Bank! Eeeeeeeee!

Dear Valued Mortgage Holder: We are very pleased to inform you that we are currently in the process of merging with another bank. This will offer many exciting, new possibilities for the future. First off, thanks for saying I’m valued. I don’t want to make this weird, but I’ve been feeling pretty unappreciated lately, and […]

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April 14, 2014

45 Comments

Please Hire Me To Be Your Late Night Talk Show Host

Whoooaa, now!  Letterman announces his retirement, opening the doors to months of giving our lives meaning by arguing endlessly over who should take over and you just, just, just… name someone?  That’s just mean!  And are you sure you’ve given this enough thought?  And, NBC, on a scale of 1-to-10, how committed are you to […]

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March 18, 2014

29 Comments

It’s Like I’m Blogging Right In Your Face!

I was in a show recently of performers from the region telling stories from their lives. I did one some time back, and wrote about that show here, and the organizer was nice enough to have me back for round two; this time was equally dramatic on stage, less dramatic off stage, so that was […]

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March 3, 2014

16 Comments

The Thin Triplicate Line Between Society & Chaos

“…There shall be no use of illegal drugs on the premises by the lessee, or associates of the lessee, subject to immediate nullification of the rental contract…” – clause in standard rental agreements * Scenario 1: Landlord: And in here you’ll see the main room.  Fireplace works, we just ask that you get the chimney […]

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February 24, 2014

67 Comments

History’s Greatest People: They’re All Awful

On Friday, the city of Aberdeen, Washington announced “Kurt Cobain Day” and unveiled a statue of the deceased rock legend.  The mayor hopes this will make Aberdeen “the next Graceland,” and I think there’s about a 100% chance of that coming true. What was really amazing, though, was TV’s King 5 news’ hugely snide, sarcastic, […]

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February 17, 2014

25 Comments

Amaze Your Friends With These Little-Known Presidential Facts!

Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.” There was no President Hayes.  As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball.  Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born. Nixon refused […]

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