“Get to a dark place as quickly as possible and try to lure the bee out of your ear with a single source of light like a flashlight… Never try to pull it out with your fingers.” – From “Tormented By A Bee In Your Ear,” Dangerous Situations, And How To Escape in One Piece, p.22.
Okay. Hm. Ummmm… Boy, I am really stuck, aren’t I? Ha ha. Let’s see. Wow, I did not see this coming. Nice tunnel, interesting wax, do a little exploring. Now this. Okay… what if I… what if I push forward again? Hhrrrrgh. HHRRRRrrrrgh! RRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! AH AH AHHHH AHHHHHHH! What’s happening?! What’s happening?! Something’s hitting the side of the tunnel! Oh my God! Something’s grabbing my butt! Something’s grabbing my butt! Should I sting it?! Should I sting it!? Should I sting it?! Maybe I better–! Wha… it stopped. Did it? Okay. It stopped. Holy shit. That was intense. What kind of bizarro hive did I climb in to here?
Soooo… no on the forward. Forward’s not working out. Hello? Anyone here? Anyone? I don’t understand how your hive works! No one. Ugh. This is so embarrassing. They all said it was a bad idea, but nooo, I had to go exploring. Check out the weird little tunnel with the interesting wax in it. Lot of hair too. And now I’m stuck. Everyone complains about hive thinking, but you know what? Hive thinking never got a bee stuck in a dead-end tunnel, that’s what. And now I’ll probably be some cautionary story. Great. “Don’t wander off on your own, you’ll end up like Gary. Oh, you don’t know the story of Gary the stupid bee who got stuck in the tunnel?”
Knock it off. Think positive. There’s a solution here. It must, I mean… if the tunnel goes in, it must come out somewhere, right? That’s just logical. Am I getting fat? No, I’m not getting fat. Who designed this hive? Crazy bees? Hm, speaking of which, I still don’t hear any other bees. That can’t be a good sign. Okay, Gary, think. Options. Hm. There’s pushing forward – no, wait, I just did that. There’s… um… hmmm…
Ooh, what’s that? What’s that light? Hey, I can see a little bit. Ew. It is about seven kinds of gross in here. Wait, is… is someone shining a light on me? Hello? Hello!? Why are you shining a light at me? Is it a rescue? Hello?! I’M IN HERE!!
Nothing. Light’s still there, though. Oh no! Am I dead? Is that the tunnel of light? Why is it behind me? Hello?! If you’re wanting me to go toward the light, you need to get in front of me! If I’d backed in to this tunnel, you’re position might make more sense! You know what I’m saying? I don’t know what you want! Oh my God, this is like a weird dream. If I get home I’m never leaving the hive again. Nuts to this. “Gary, we’re going to collect pollen,” they’ll say, and I’ll be like, “Nah, you go ahead. I’m gonna protect the queen.” And then I’ll just go back to bed. I will go right the hell back to bed.
Okay, you know what? That light’s starting to get annoying. But, wait… let’s think this through… if there’s a light behind me… it must be outside. Right? Maybe, maybe I can back up? Worth a try. MMmmmph! Ugh. Ow. My wings are going to be feeling this in the morning. MMMMMMMRRRRRRRGGHHH!
AHH! Hahaa! Ah, I’m free! I’m out! Thank you, big, giant light! Ah, this is fantastic! I feel so alive and like there’s—Hey! Who’s trying to swat me again?! What the hell, big, giant light?! Ahhhh! Duck and weave, Gary! Duck and weave! Okay, here’s a nice flower. Catch my breath. Get it together, Gary. It’s over. Man, someone ought write some kind of survival guide, you know? For these kinds of situations. This is insane. I can’t be the only bee this has happened to…
- “Bee Hive,” by Walk In The Woods Photography, Flickr
- “My Flashlight,” by Vibrant Spirit, Flickr.
- “Bee Hive – September 2007,” by rjleaman, Flickr.