Author Archives | The Byronic Man

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Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

This Is Just To Say…

May 15, 2023


“This Is Just To Say” By William Carlos Williams I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox   and which you were probably saving for breakfast   Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold   This is Just To Say… Under no circumstances eat The plums That are in The […]

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“Can’t Miss” Attractions At Our House, According To My 15-Month-Old

May 1, 2023


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Acting: It’s As Easy As Falling Off A Cliff In $2000 Shoes!

April 24, 2023


I managed to find the tiny gravel fire-road in the middle of the woods where we were going to be filming the first shots for a commercial I’d been cast in. How the location scouts had found these roads to begin with, I had no idea. I drove down and found the crew setting up. […]

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This Literally Means War, Figuratively

April 17, 2023


I can be a word snob; I admit that.  But I am also a reasonable man.  When things reach such a crisis level as this, immediate diplomatic action is required, lest things break out in to total chaos. I am, of course, referring to Google’s addition to its definition of “literal” as “used for emphasis […]

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What’s Wrong (And Right) (But Mostly Wrong) With The 5-Paragraph Essay

April 10, 2023


Ah, the 5-paragraph essay.  It’s so great, isn’t it?  It creates a perfect essay, every time. And amazingly, no matter what you want to say – no matter what your point, how simple or how complex, you need exactly 5 paragraphs to do it.  It’s astonishing!  How to make pasta? 5 paragraphs.  Explaining how to calculate […]

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I Have A Couple Teeny Concerns About The Idea Of Arming Teachers

April 3, 2023

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In the wake of yet another horrific school shooting, the idea has re-emerged that the solution is to arm teachers. Obviously, this is a rational, logical plan with very few potential downsides. And not to nitpick but, as a teacher, I do have a couple areas I’m unclear on: Do I have to pay for […]

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If You Know You’ll Make a Mistake In Advance, Is It Still a ‘Mistake’?

March 27, 2023


Often, a couple days before my students turn in a piece of writing, I have them reflect on the process and product at that point. The reflection typically concludes with two questions: What are you going to not do that you will wish you’d done? What question are you going to wish you’d asked me? […]

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The 8th Deadly Sin & The Way Of The 3-Legged Dog

March 20, 2023


Okay, you know the 7 Deadly Sins.  Lust, sloth, greed, etc. (you can rent Se7en if you need a refresher).  Well I’ve always wondered why there isn’t an 8th.  You have to understand, though, I don’t mean “sin” in the sense of the pet-peeves of a petulant God, fuming from the heavens. I mean in the […]

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