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Please Hire Me To Be A Member of SEAL Team 6

February 7, 2012

48 Comments

SEAL Team 6, you may recall, is the unit that stormed Osama bin Laden’s compound and killed him.  You may have also seen that they recently rescued to hostages who’d been held by Somali pirates since October.  This is so amazingly bad-ass, that I have decided that I should be part of their team.  But, […]

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Please Hire Me To Be North Korea’s Supreme Leader

January 2, 2012

16 Comments

Okay, so, you might be saying to yourself that I’m a little late to be applying for the job of North Korea’s Supreme Leader.  That Kim Jong-Il has died and after much build up, appointed his son, Kim Jong-Un, as successor (though most likely, he did those two things in the opposite order).  And you […]

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Please Hire Me To Be An Astronaut

November 18, 2011

28 Comments

Dear NASA, I read this morning that you are currently taking applications to be an astronaut.  I was under the impression you were making a lot of cutbacks so I’m not sure how this is possible, but I stopped reading after the “Now Hiring” part because I wanted to get my resume in right away. […]

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Please Hire Me To Be Apple’s New Visionary

October 8, 2011

17 Comments

It is very, very sad that Steve Jobs has passed away, for many reasons, of course; but for we, the world, it is mostly for the loss of his vision, and the incredible things he surely had yet to create. And while he had resigned from Apple shortly before his death, he could only ever […]

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Please Hire Me To Solve That Murder

July 8, 2011

20 Comments

Ah, yes, hello. Thank you for your inquiry.  I’m sure you’re wondering, with all the options available to you, why you should hire me as a private investigator on your case.  Yes, I realize you’re not sure there’s even a case to hire me for, but – trust me – there is. In a nutshell, […]

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