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Please Hire Me To Be Your Doctor

June 19, 2012


You have a lot of choices about who you see for you medical needs, and – of course – when it comes to your health, you want the very best.  And that’s me.  Yes, I realize the “in the box” thinkers will tell you that you should see someone who’s been to “medical school” and […]

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Please Hire Me To Be A “Job Creator”

May 21, 2012


Lately, in this election year, we see more and more talk about the need for employment, as well as a lot of talk about fair taxation.  Many argue the solution lies in focusing our attention on – not the “rich,” how dare you use that term?  That’s a hateful term.  The solution lies in liberating […]

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Please Hire Me To Be A Supreme Court Justice

April 26, 2012


The Supreme Court seems to be having some trouble lately.  Justices not showing up for work, having inadequate experience, sitting there silently for 6-year spans of time (that would be Thomas).  Maybe they need some new blood.  Someone to shake things up.  Someone who would bring a new approach to law. Someone like me. Why […]

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Please Hire Me To Be A Member of SEAL Team 6

February 7, 2012


SEAL Team 6, you may recall, is the unit that stormed Osama bin Laden’s compound and killed him.  You may have also seen that they recently rescued to hostages who’d been held by Somali pirates since October.  This is so amazingly bad-ass, that I have decided that I should be part of their team.  But, […]

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Please Hire Me To Be North Korea’s Supreme Leader

January 2, 2012


Okay, so, you might be saying to yourself that I’m a little late to be applying for the job of North Korea’s Supreme Leader.  That Kim Jong-Il has died and after much build up, appointed his son, Kim Jong-Un, as successor (though most likely, he did those two things in the opposite order).  And you […]

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Please Hire Me To Be An Astronaut

November 18, 2011


Dear NASA, I read this morning that you are currently taking applications to be an astronaut.  I was under the impression you were making a lot of cutbacks so I’m not sure how this is possible, but I stopped reading after the “Now Hiring” part because I wanted to get my resume in right away. […]

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Please Hire Me To Be Apple’s New Visionary

October 8, 2011


It is very, very sad that Steve Jobs has passed away, for many reasons, of course; but for we, the world, it is mostly for the loss of his vision, and the incredible things he surely had yet to create. And while he had resigned from Apple shortly before his death, he could only ever […]

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Please Hire Me To Solve That Murder

July 8, 2011


Ah, yes, hello. Thank you for your inquiry.  I’m sure you’re wondering, with all the options available to you, why you should hire me as a private investigator on your case.  Yes, I realize you’re not sure there’s even a case to hire me for, but – trust me – there is. In a nutshell, […]

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