* “I was going to get you roses but they’re expensive, so I cut this picture of Axl Rose out of Rolling Stone instead.” * “Just love me and I’ll give your dog back.” * “Thank you for this book of coupons for free, sensual massages!  Do… Do I have to redeem them with […]

During his time as host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno made 4,607 jokes about Bill Clinton, 795 jokes about OJ Simpson, 505 jokes about Michael Jackson, and 454 jokes about Monica Lewinsky. – Finding by the Center for Media And Public Affairs Hour 1 – Alright!  Got a job!  Cataloging Leno’s jokes won’t change […]

Superbowls never go quite the way people think they’re going to.  And this year?  No exception. What were some of the more surprising moments? 1. Completely shattering all expectations, and defying the most refined Vegas odds, The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform their halftime set with their shirts on. 2. After calling the coin toss […]

I did a commercial last week for an insurance company, in which I walk you through the process of signing up for insurance and explain the new health care laws.  The gist of it is that signing up for health care is easy and the insurance companies are here for you. You know, lying. The […]

The TSA has begun working on reforming its methods at America’s airports to be more friendly and considerate of travelers passing through security checkpoints.   – AP Newswire item *** Hi there!  Where you headed?  Ah, Dublin, Ireland.  Well, top ‘o the morning to ye!  Ha ha.  They don’t really say that, of course.  Beautiful country.  […]

The second installment in the Hobbit films comes out on Friday  And maybe you’re interested in seeing it, but don’t want to commit 3+ hours to watching or re-watching the first one.  And so I provide The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: The 5-Minute Version.   SCENE 1: Bilbo Baggins’ Home There is a knock at […]

The company where a friend of mine works was recently Streamlined For Greater Efficiency, which means he was Invited to Exit so that his position could be Folded Into Internal Synergy. (translation for those who don’t speak Doublespeak: The company’s going broke, so he was laid off after his position was eliminated) In order to […]

Recent news item: A 33-year-old Southern California man has had nearly $100,000 worth of plastic surgery on his face to make him look like pop star and train-wreck-waiting-to-happen Justin Beiber. ** Better things you could do $100,000 worth of plastic surgery: Get $50K of plastic surgery to look like Beiber, and save the other 50 […]