During his time as host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno made 4,607 jokes about Bill Clinton, 795 jokes about OJ Simpson, 505 jokes about Michael Jackson, and 454 jokes about Monica Lewinsky. – Finding by the Center for Media And Public Affairs
Hour 1 – Alright! Got a job! Cataloging Leno’s jokes won’t change the world, I suppose, but getting paid to just watch comedy? This is going to be great! It’ll be fun to see how he’s aged and changed.
Hour 4 – Turns out I just watched the wrong tape. I was supposed to be watching 1993 and it was 1998. I didn’t even notice until I realized Ross Perot hadn’t come up in a while.
Hour 9 – You know, dude, OJ did kill two people.
Leno, circa 1996. Or possibly 2002. Or 2010.
Hour 12 – Did I already watch this one? I swear I’ve heard this. I’d check but I don’t dare go backwards.
Hour 14 – I feel strangely hung over. Sleeping last night, the blanket came off me, and Kevin Eubanks kept saying, “That’s cold. That’s cold. That’s cold.”
Hour 17 – I think my eyes have gone numb. Is that a thing? Does that happen? Does anyone know? D’ja hear about this? Eyes going numb? D’ja hear about that?
Hour 18 – Wow. Just passed 1,200 Bill Clinton jokes. Surely we must be about done with those, though, right?
Hour 20 – OKAY, HE GOT A BLOW JOB. LET IT GO.
Hour 23 – Oh, Christ, the Lorena Bobbit thing just happened. I’m going to need some whiskey for this gauntlet.
Hour 29 – How much am I getting paid for this?
Hour 34 – Ahhhhh. George W. Bush jokes. Thank god. It’s like I’ve been washed clean.
Hour 38 – AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! He just said that Al Gore’s blaming Michael Jackson’s skin-whitening on GLOBAL WARMING! It’s funny on SO MANY LEVELS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Maybe he should take it before Judge Ito! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Hour 42 – All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ. All Clinton and no Bobbit make Jay a dull OJ.
Vladimir and Estragon wait for the Lewinsky jokes to end.
Hour 51 – Humor. It is an illusion. A vagary of forced optimism in the face of meaningless banality. Do I laugh because there is order to the universe? Because there is only chaos and I see it? Or because the set-up, beat, punch and audience laughing to the sign that tells them to declares that I must? Only the slave’s laugh is real, for he at least knows he is a slave.
Hour 52 – You know what I could go for? A quesadilla. Mmmmm. Quesadilla.
Hour 53 – Please stop telling the same jokes! I’m begging you! I’m begging you! I can no longer understand the passage of time! I’ve forgotten my name! I can smell colors! I can’t produce saliva!
Hour 56 – It’s done. It is done. I shall turn in these numbers and be free. And the world will know. And they will thank me. And I will make a mental note to find a different job before Letterman retires.
The Byronic Man 
February 11, 2014 at 3:32 am
Because yeah, who sits and tallies this shit up?
February 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm
And what was the motive? Wouldn’t the same thing be accomplished by saying, “Leno. Guy sure talked about Clinton and Lewinsky a lot, didn’t he.”
April 15, 2014 at 1:34 pm
No one. That’s how no one ever notices it’s made up.
February 11, 2014 at 4:19 am
So are you going to count how many times Jimmy Fallon giggles or sings/raps?
February 11, 2014 at 1:36 pm
I count everything.
February 11, 2014 at 4:22 am
Hour 51 and 53, love it! Thanks for the laughter. Sorry it was at your expense.
February 11, 2014 at 1:36 pm
Writing this did make me wonder how long it actually took. It had to be hundreds of tool hours. Hopefully not just one person, though.
February 11, 2014 at 4:28 am
Now that is a job no one could ever pay me enough to do. I can barely watch Leno in 10 second sound bites without my eyes twitching.
February 11, 2014 at 1:33 pm
Yeah, I can’t imagine trying to be fresh and funny 5 nights a week, and laugh at inane, controlled stories about how much everyone in Hollywood gets along… but… Carson did it. Conan does it.
February 11, 2014 at 4:28 am
I wonder what that job paid? Aside from an almost unending stream of side-splitting laughter?
A gold star for the Godot reference. Totally appropriate. Well played.
February 11, 2014 at 1:38 pm
It actually popped in to my head after writing the “slave” line, and remembering an interview with Beckett where he said the character of Lucky really is lucky because “he, at least, knows he’s a slave.”
February 11, 2014 at 1:39 pm
Oh, that Beckett! What a cut-up that guy was!
February 11, 2014 at 4:40 am
It’s been a long time since Leno was funny. And then I pretty much think he was funny just because I wanted him to be.
I don’t think there will be late night repeats of his shows like there are with Johnny. So apparently this job of yours was a one time gig in purgatory.
February 11, 2014 at 1:39 pm
Well, there’s funny, and then there’s “TV funny” which is like funny, only not, in fact, humorous.
February 11, 2014 at 5:05 am
Hour 42 is the best because, you know, “He-e-e-re’s Johnny!”
February 11, 2014 at 1:37 pm
That there’s called “subtext”!
February 11, 2014 at 5:11 am
It’s been a long, long time since I could stay up to watch any late TV, no matter how funny the dude or dudess is. I watched Johnny Carson because my Dad did – though Carson was a genius. I’ll bet that Leno is at least a bit relieved to be gone. And now comes his memoir.
February 11, 2014 at 1:40 pm
I wonder. Didn’t he just take it back from Conan a couple years ago at most? I wonder why now he’s decided to quit.
February 11, 2014 at 5:13 am
So true on so many different levels. Have a sinking feeling Fallon will also be Leno’d.
February 11, 2014 at 1:40 pm
Probably. I hope not, but it’s hard to imagine doing that job every night, with such rigid control on the questions you can ask, without getting just painfully dull.
February 11, 2014 at 5:28 am
Another beautiful example of why it’s called work. Even too much of a “good” thing can kill you. (Think hotdog eating contest.)
February 11, 2014 at 5:51 am
Was the actually a time when Leno was funny?
February 11, 2014 at 5:51 am
There*
February 11, 2014 at 1:41 pm
Oh, definitely! He used to be great! Oh, you mean since he took over The Tonight Show. Then, no.
February 11, 2014 at 4:37 pm
Thats what I thought.
February 11, 2014 at 5:58 am
No one can retain their humanity while doing five ‘creative’ shows a week. Just ask Jack Paar.
February 11, 2014 at 1:43 pm
No, I can’t imagine so. It gets talked about as the ultimate goal for a comic, but it sounds pretty awful to me. Except the pay.
February 11, 2014 at 6:13 am
Fallon’s will be a tally of him giggling and appearances by Justin Timberlake. Now, THAT I could watch. Let’s just hope Jay is retiring for good. I can’t bear to watch Jimmy be Conan’d.
February 11, 2014 at 1:45 pm
I can’t imagine even he would do that again.
February 11, 2014 at 6:33 am
OMG I make amazing quesadillas. Wait. Was that not the message here?
February 11, 2014 at 1:44 pm
It’s a pretty great recipe. “Tortilla + cheese + heat” and then it just gets better from there.
February 11, 2014 at 7:31 am
I’m just glad he’s gone. Never liked the guy.
February 11, 2014 at 1:44 pm
B.M., the Super Bowl is over, Leno is leaving, let go of it already. It’snot that important.
February 11, 2014 at 2:52 pm
On an unrelated note, Maxwell Smart said “Sorry about that, Chief” 247 times throughout the brief history of “Get Smart”, and Jethro Bodine said “Double ought spy” 41 times during the Beverly Hillbillies. These are entirely fictitious numbers, but every bit as relevant.
February 12, 2014 at 5:42 am
“And I will make a mental note to find a different job before Letterman retires.”
Priceless. And hilarious.
February 12, 2014 at 5:54 am
And the really funny part is “The Center for Media And Public Affairs” is a governmental agency. Wonder what the Civil Service exam for THAT post looked like?
February 12, 2014 at 8:26 am
This seems like a dream job! Just pick some numbers! Who’s going to question whether there were 454 or 627 Lewinsky jokes?
I remember thinking Jay Leno was a perfect choice to replace Johnny. Such a funny guy! I’ve seen about five combined minutes of the show since then.
February 14, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Oddly enough, the second post I’ve read today with a Waiting for Godot reference.
It’s a relief that I never liked Leno, knowing what I know now.
February 16, 2014 at 9:55 am
You have to find a way out of this job before Letterman retires. I am already asking every night, “Did we see this already? Didn’t he just use that joke? Was that supposed to be the joke? Was that the punchline?”.
Wasn’t his show clever once?