- A co-worker tells you he’s 3 days from retirement. Your first thought is
- “Wish I was retiring”
- “Hm, wonder who’ll replace him?
- “You’re totally a dead man.”
You go to unlock a door – car door, apartment, whatever. As you reach for the lock, you drop your keys at the last second. As you bend over to pick them up, what would you expect to happen next?
- Uh, probably I pick up my keys and unlock the door?
- A gunshot to shatter the glass/wood exactly where my heart would have been had I not, at that exact moment, bent down
- When you close a medicine cabinet, are you genuinely surprised that there isn’t someone standing behind you, who wasn’t there when you opened it?
- You receive a Christmas card, and the only thing it says inside is “Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.” You respond:
- By calling the police. Someone has threatened you!
- Think, “Die Hard. Classic.”
- Without pausing, by saying in your best German accent, “Perhaps a security guard we overlooked?” “Security guard? They’re usually tired and burnt out policemen growing fat on a pension. This is… something else…”
- A dog doesn’t like someone. Why?
- Who knows. Smells weird?
- Probably looks like someone who hurt it
- The person is clearly a robot from the future. That, or evil.
- When you take a drink of something from a tumbler, do you grit your teeth and wince briefly, while staring in to the distance? Even if it’s 7up you’re drinking?
- Someone tells you they didn’t like The Godfather. You…
- Ask why not. You’ve never heard that before.
- Suggest they really need to see it again, because it’s an incredible film.
- Burst in to flame
Would you ever consider buying a pump-action shotgun, just so you can cock it when you want to emphasize your point (as in: “We’re out of carrots? Well then I guess it’s time we – CHK-CHK! – headed to the farmers’ market.”)
- Someone shows you their new dog, and tells you it’s a mix of two breeds, designed to bring out the best qualities of both. You think:
- Well, that’s nice, but there are so many animals at the Humane Society in need of a home.
- Oh, God, it probably has some stupid, cutesy name like “Goldstrelian Sheptriever”
- This genetic mutant will OBVIOUSLY rise up and destroy the humans whose hubris led them to think they could play God.
- Do you find yourself frequently sputtering out, “What do you mean, you’ve never seen _________________??!! How are you alive?!”
Have You Seen Too many Movies?
June 15, 2015
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