I’ve decided that the courts need to not only allow, but perhaps even mandate, brains to marry one another.
Why? Because of smoke alarm batteries.
That isn’t clear? Oh. Let me explain.
The other night, right about 3am, a battery in one of our smoke alarms went out. So, of course, it began its beeping, once every 30 seconds or so. After penetrating my dreams, waking me, and getting me up, I raced about the house, every shrill beep being the one that might wake the baby.
BEEP! Race to a part of the house. Wait. BEEP! Race to another part of the house. Wait. BEEP! Back to the previous part of the house, rip down smoke alarm and pull out the battery like I’m a barbarian pulling the heart from a defeated foe. Wait. BEEP! Damn! Race to other part of the house…
Once it was done I threw the alarm and battery on the counter and went back to bed so I could lie there, angrily not sleeping for the rest of the night.
Now, logically, in the morning I should replace the battery, but I don’t. Why? “Oh no, you go to hell smoke alarm. I am not doing that again in a year. I’d rather the house burns down!” Now, of course I don’t mean that, right? Of course not. Yet my emotional/base self is so mad at the smoke alarm, I just want it to lie there, helpless.
And that just gets to the essence of what’s wrong with our brains. We often know the best course of action, but don’t take it because our logical brain can’t compete with the base part of our brains.
“Hm, this political candidate is educated, and has a lot of experience. He could make incremental, but meaningful, improvements to the country. But he thinks that makes him all fancy. The other candidate seems like a great guy! I’d like to have a beer with him! What are his political beliefs? Oh, God, really? Yikes. Well, whatever. He cracks me up, this guy! Let’s give him a lot of power! Let’s give him all the power!”
Our brains need another brain – a spouse brain, to call them on their crap.
“Hey! Tax refund!” says You Brain. “I can make a serious dent in our credit card bill with this… or… I can buy an electric guitar!”
“No, that’s dumb,” says Spouse Brain.
“But, I’ve always wanted to learn guitar. Or at least, I’ve always wanted to be an amazing guitar player. And what if I decide to learn guitar and don’t have one? Yes. Yes, I will buy a guitar.”
“Oh no, you won’t. You pay the credit card bill.”
See? Spouse Brain not only isn’t emotionally invested/blinded, it’s sick of You Brain’s nonsense!
So when You Brain thinks, “Hey! I think Sarah Palin winked at me through the TV!” Spouse Brain says, “She didn’t. You’re both idiots.”
When You Brain thinks, “I’m hungry, and dinner isn’t for another 8 minutes. I should eat an entire carrot cake.” Spouse Brain says, “Okay, remember last time you did that? You regretted it, didn’t you.”
When You Brain thinks, “Stupid smoke alarm. No battery for you. I hate you.” Spouse Brain can say, “Or, put in a new battery, and put in the calendar to change it six months, before it dies.”
Of course, both You Brain and Spouse Brain know that won’t happen… so it’s a flawed system.