*All My Simpsons is a feature in which I do two things: celebrate my undying and pure love of The Simpsons, and bore & alienate about 95% of my readership.* Today’s All My Simpsons is dedicated to one of my oldest friends, who I don’t get to see often enough. He’s a jazz saxophone player […]
April 5, 2012
Roads? Where We’re Going We Don’t Need More Than A Moderate Amount of Roads.
I think we can all agree that every single thing the human race has ever done has been just a huge disappointment. Especially the future. We were promised a lot of things by inventors, movies and crazy people, and what do we have to show for it besides the iPod? Squat. Teleporters? No. Laser guns? […]
April 3, 2012
Hef And The Art of Scrapbook Maintenance
Strange-but-true fact: Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner is an avid scrap-booker. *** Hello everyone! Thanks for coming. Don’t forget to grab one of those lemon bars that Margie brought before they’re all scooped up… by me! Ha ha! I’m just kidding. But they are terrific, even if my thighs don’t think so. I’m happy to […]
April 2, 2012
For Your (Re)Consideration: Exile On Main St.
For Your (Re)Consideration is a feature in which I revisit some older work – one perhaps overlooked, perhaps familiar to the point of forgetting its content – and try to reconsider it with an unsullied perspective. Here’s the strange thing about The Rolling Stones’ album Exile on Main St.: The Stones have never been an […]
April 1, 2012
Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Your Captain Speaking. Who Wants Parfait?!
Okay, so we’ve all heard about the Jetblue captain flipping out and telling passengers there was a bomb on board and they were all going to die. And, perhaps because of that, you’ve probably heard about the flight attendant some weeks ago who told the passengers that the plane was going to crash. Now, maybe […]
March 31, 2012
You Totally Rock. *Wink*
First off, the answers to this week’s Weekly Question of the Week were awesome. I was a little concerned that “What the best rock band name you can come up with from news headlines?” might be a little esoteric or feel like a chore to those looking for a quick chuckle, a transitory guffaw. But […]
March 30, 2012
You Had Me At “BWWWAAAAARRRMMMM!!!!!”
If you’ve seen a preview for a movie lately, you may have noticed a couple of trends emerging. One is awesome/lame (which I’ll clarify), the other needs to stop, immediately. The first, is the sudden popularity of the BWWWWAAAAAARRRMM!!!! This, in case you’re for some reason unsure what I’m talking about, is the blast of […]
March 29, 2012
This Would Make The “Swearing In” REALLY Exciting!
Senator Santorum swore! He swore like a truck-drivin’ sailor who just hit his thumb with a hammer soaked in gasoline and thumbtacks! There was more bleeping going on than a dump truck backing up over a crate of smoke alarms! Teamsters were blushing. Soldiers gasped and fainted. Man oh, MAN did he curse up a […]
The Byronic Man 
April 6, 2012
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