Hef And The Art of Scrapbook Maintenance

April 3, 2012


Strange-but-true fact:  Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner is an avid scrap-booker.


Hello everyone!  Thanks for coming.  Don’t forget to grab one of those lemon bars that Margie brought before they’re all scooped up… by me!  Ha ha!  I’m just kidding.  But they are terrific, even if my thighs don’t think so.

Here’s one that Lana is working on at the moment. Watch out for this one, Hugh! We call her “Lana-tic” because she can get ca-razy with the glitter and glue!

I’m happy to see some new faces joining us here at The Sassy Scrappers.  New friends I hope will become old friends.  Let’s see, I’ve already met Bonnie, welcome Bonnie, and Alison.  And this friendly gentleman in the pajamas over here is Hugh.  Right?  Hugh?  Just like Hugh Laurie!  Let’s hope he’s not as devilishly charming as that Dr. House, right ladies?  I’m just kidding – I hope I didn’t embarrass you, Hugh.  We like to cut a little loose here.

Get it?  “Cut” a little loose?  We have fun.

So, Bonnie, I understand you’re working on a scrapbook of that trip to DisneyWorld with the grandkids. We have some fun Mickey-ears borders you might want to try.  Oh, I see you’re adding little Mickey-ears to the people in the photos. How delightful!

And Hugh, what are you working on?  Well, those photos all seem to have a lovely soft-focus!  Is that…


Oh my.

Is that… your wife?  Oh, well they couldn’t all be…  it’s not your daughter, I would hope… well… golly.

And this one’s, let’s see, of a naked girl… um, this one, I believe, yes – naked girl. Oh, here’s a page for a tuba! Well, yes, that’s a naked girl playing the tuba, but the tuba’s clearly the focal point.

So, you’re something of a naturalist, then, Hugh?  What, what kind of theme are you going for here, Hugh?  Well, I only ask because you have these photos of a woman enjoying this pool – oh, it’s a grotto? – and then this holiday photo of these two, um, young women sharing a candy cane.  Oh, dear.  And so, you might, ah, you might look at organizing them according to, you know, season, or theme.  Or by special occasion.  This was a special occasion, I assume?  NO?  Oh.

Well, sure, organizing them by person and by month?  I see, so this young lady here is… December, I see. Miss December.  Yes.  Yes, that, ah, that makes sense I suppose.

Bonnie, you want to throw open a window for me?

Oh you and your daughters? Granddaughters? playing dress-up?  That’s, um, fun.

Well, yes, Hugh, that’s very fun how you’ve put the little Santa stickers around the edges of the pictures.  It does look a little like Santa’s, ahem, looking at the photo, but…

How’s that window coming, Bonnie?  Well, get your back in to it.  Just heave ‘er open.

You certainly do have a way with the colored paper, Hugh.  No, really.  You’ve cut out some lovely borders and no, Carrie, do not come look!

Oh, haha!  Sorry, what was I saying?  Oh, your colored-paper matting. You have a real knack.  Really highlight this young lady’s, um, freshness.

See? Now this women I believe enjoys cycling, and her page reflects that! More emphasis on the bicycle, less on the… you know… naked.

That’s a neat idea to include those caption bubbles so we know what she’s saying.  I have to say, though, she may say she’s “in” to bike-riding, but this young lady doesn’t seem very equipped to “go” bike-riding, Hugh.  Not at all.  Well, a helmet, just for starters. See if there was a nice photo of her riding her bike, especially in appropriate cycling, um, attire… oh, sure, I guess this one on the beach would work for her being in to sunsets.

You know what? You just keep at it, Hugh.  Alison, I’ll be there in a moment.  I just… I’m just going to go have a couple glasses of wine real quick… Oh, for God’s sake, Bonnie!  Just break the damn window!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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36 Comments on “Hef And The Art of Scrapbook Maintenance”

  1. 1pointperspective Says:

    Brilliant as ever.

    Turn-ons: Those zig-zag edges from those special scissors
    Turn-offs: Visible glue lines and sloppy work!


  2. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Ahhhhhahahaha! Sassy Scrappers! OK, this was hysterical. Every single word. Something tells me Hef could market these scrapbooks and make a ton of money.


  3. tinkerbelle86 Says:

    less emphasis on the naked? really should stop reading this at my desk, i have to stifle the giggles too much 🙂


  4. Valentine Logar Says:

    So that is how Playboy got started, who’da thunk it!


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Wouldn’t that be great? If he was just scrapbooking and someone said, “You know someone would pay to look at these.” “What, my collection of pictures and interviews? Naaaah.”


  5. BrainRants Says:

    Well at least the Hef has photos worth putting in a scrapbook.


  6. springfieldfem Says:

    The. Best.


  7. susielindau Says:

    Oh dear….. This is funny! The conversation was hilarious!


  8. Michelle Gillies Says:

    I think I will have rethink the whole scrap booking thing.
    If it was this funny there would be no question.


  9. Audrey Says:

    Hysterical! And none too ironic that the Hef likes scrapbooking… Are we truly surprised? No, no, not really.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Apparently it borders on obsessive. There are shelves and shelves off them. I guess you need something to do if you’re Hef, but scrapbooking seems like a bit of a busman’s holiday.


  10. tedstrutz Says:

    Hef used to send my dad a copy of his scrapbook every month 60 years ago. I thought they were better than his National Geographics. Had a key to the SF Bunny Hutch too, but I never got to go.


  11. sj Says:

    All of the UMs made this for me.


  12. Life in the Boomer Lane Says:

    Too funny. I seriously love anything about Hugh Hefner. When he eventually moves on to the Great Sex Party in the Sky in about 40 years, the world will feel the loss.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Apparently he’s not much of a fixture at the parties any more. Of course, with their money troubles, the parties might not be much of a fixture at the parties any more.


  13. tomwisk Says:

    LMAO I can see Hef saying “Just one more shot with the Cuisinart. This time you really love it. Of course nobody’s going to see the pictures, just some friends a my scrapbooking club. Now smile like you mean it. I forget your name April, June Bunny?”


  14. SzaboInSlowMo Says:

    Who knew Hef scrapbooked? Crazy. Then again, I can see it now – a photo spread with naked girls who scrapbook, gluing pics of other naked girls who are with Hef while he he’s scrapbooking. My imagination is running wild now.


  15. Life With The Top Down Says:

    You can’t tell Bonnie & Allison didn’t finish off that wine and create a few more pages of their own for Hugh’s book…well played Hugh, well played indeed.


  16. janspotpourri Says:

    WOw, gives new meaning to scrapbooking LOLOLOL.


  17. Hamza Says:

    That was one stubborn window. Though I suspect Bonnie was in on it from the start.


  18. gojulesgo Says:

    This post is up there on my ‘hee hee hee’ scale along with the Legos and Clancy. I love it!! I want to be in this scrapbook club soooo bad. And I don’t even scrapbook.


  19. Millie Ho Says:

    You are a hilarious man.

    For the laughter you have granted me, I present you cookies served on this late-20th century porcelain plate engraved with Albert Dürer’s workmanship.


  20. Meg Says:

    I think you’ve just found a way to get the male market super enthusiastic about scrapbooking.


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