September 16, 2013

71 Comments

“Awkward Family Photos” I Love Unironically

They’e everywhere, and they’re almost too painful to look at.  The awkward family photos.  But sometimes I can’t help but think, you know… good on ya.  Good.  On. Ya. 1. Okay, they’re not in great shape… at all… but look at their faces.  They are in to it.   And you totally get the archetype […]

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September 12, 2013

38 Comments

Please Hire Me To Solve The Syrian Crisis

Look, there’s no question about it.  This situation in Syria is complicated and disturbing, top to bottom, start to finish.  And anyone who says they know exactly what to do either doesn’t have all the information, or is lying. Which is why you need me.  Because I know exactly what to do. But don’t just […]

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September 9, 2013

34 Comments

Sing First, Ask Questions Later

There are two kinds of people when it comes to singing songs you only kind of know the words to.  Those who stop, and those who persevere. Below are the lyrics to the old Irish song, “Whiskey In The Jar,” as sung by me yesterday, in proper, Irish stubborn refusal to give up. Here’s the […]

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August 30, 2013

50 Comments

25 Of The Onion’s Best Headlines, For Their 25th Anniversary

Look, I like to think I can make with the occasional bit of funny here.  But I know who’s in charge.  And that Monarch is, of course, The Onion. Sorry, Brits – The Daily Mash is pretty great, but The Onion is, frankly, staggering.  And today they are 25 years old.  So, to celebrate in […]

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August 26, 2013

53 Comments

Welcome Back, Teachers! Try Not To Freak Out!

**From the desk of the Principal.** Dear Teachers, Welcome back, staff of Lakeshore High!  I hope you had a terrific summer and you’re excited for a great year!  Remember how important your job is, and that our community respects and appreciates what you do here.  Some of you may feel discouraged after last week’s “Teachers […]

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August 20, 2013

30 Comments

Secrets of Area 51: Revealed!

The US government has just formally, officially acknowledged the existence of Nevada’s infamous “Area 51” – where some believe an alien spacecraft crashed in the early 1950’s – saying that it was a base for the development of U2 spy planes.  What does this acknowledgement mean? The residents of Area 51 can finally get their […]

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August 14, 2013

65 Comments

5 Things I’d Feel Mixed About Having Named After Me

1. A pump-house.  “Wow! A municipal building named after me!  A little… windowless shack… hidden from public view… that belches fluid.  For… me… wow…” 2. A disease.  You found it, you made a medical advancement… but now people have to be told in solemn voices that they’ve contracted… you.  Seems like scientists might see this […]

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August 6, 2013

0 Comments

The Bold Feminist Vision of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”

Today I’m over at The Outlier Collective, partaking in the dissection and reaction to Robin Thicke’s pop song, “Blurred Lines.”  Brace yourself: In responding to his laughable assertion that the song is “feminist,” I’m taking a satirical approach. See you there!

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