Resolutions For 2017
1. Eat entire sandwich, get “I finished the Heart-Buster” shirt and face on Wall Of Fame.
2. Finish “Resolutions For 2016” (note to self – probably exclude #3: Finish “Resolutions For 2015”).
3. Learn in-laws’ names.
4. Say “President Trump” out loud without getting vertigo, shaking and/or suddenly thinking I smell burnt toast.
5. Learn to slow down and live in the moment.
6. Do more of everything and do it all better all the time. A lot better.
7. Get all celebrities I care about in to death-proof bunker.
8. Take in car for maintenance, or at least buy new black tape to cover the Check Engine light.
9. Quit smoking (note to self: will need to start smoking).
10. Be ninth caller, win concert tickets.
11. Been to paradise (Resolutions For 2007, # 4), but still never been to me.
12. Read all books. All important books. Some important books. An imp–… A book.
13. Figure out what these Eye Pods are that everyone’s been talking about.
14. Stop falling for every goofball apocalypse prediction that comes along.
15. Stop paying ridiculous rental interest rates and finally buy own toothbrush.
16. Win breakdance competition and save rec center from evil developer.
17. Still have a functioning planet on which to have resolutions for 2018.