Yes, that is a single tear running down statue-Cobain’s cheek. It’s meant to represent the kind of maudlin, faux- sentimentality that showed up in his music never.
On Friday, the city of Aberdeen, Washington announced “Kurt Cobain Day” and unveiled a statue of the deceased rock legend. The mayor hopes this will make Aberdeen “the next Graceland,” and I think there’s about a 100% chance of that coming true.
What was really amazing, though, was TV’s King 5 news’ hugely snide, sarcastic, and dismissive coverage of it, which began with the description of Kurt Cobain as “a famous heroin addict who shot himself.”
Hm. Mmmm… yeah, there were those things… but… hm… I swear there was some other thing he did… some… thing… think, think, think… what was it? Huh. Oh, well; whatever. Never mind.
The point is, if this is how we’re going to start remembering people now, there’s going to be a lot of history to revisit…
George Washington: A famous depressive who ate wood.
Jesus of Nazareth: Famous cult leader and convicted felon.
Salvador Dali: A renowned sexual-deviant who drank to excess.
Until he was 6, Hemingway’s parents dressed him as a girl so, technically, it’s true.
Ernest Hemingway: An impotent cross-dresser who shot himself.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Dude in a wheelchair.
Joan of Arc: Well-known schizophrenic who convinced people to die for her.
Orson Welles: Broke, fat guy who made wine commercials.
Albert Einstein: Disheveled “one-hit wonder” of science who peaked before he was 30.
Socrates: Famous hobo and wise-ass who willingly drank poison.
Martin Luther King Jr: Womanizing criminal who was always blathering on about his dreams.
William Shakespeare: Famous plot-plagiarizer who deserted his family.
Martin Luther: Vandal.
Who else?
February 24, 2014 at 4:11 am
John Lennon – Lazy hippie who laid in bed for two weeks at a time with his talentless girlfriend.
February 24, 2014 at 6:49 am
Yeah, but half of that is true.
February 24, 2014 at 10:40 am
Ditto.
February 24, 2014 at 3:29 pm
What she said.
February 24, 2014 at 4:48 am
I’d mention Freud… But it all seems a bit obvious…
February 25, 2014 at 2:39 pm
Well, sometimes a coke-addicted fame-grubber is just a coke-addicted fame-grubber.
February 25, 2014 at 3:13 pm
lol
February 24, 2014 at 5:10 am
TV King 5 anchorperson: A nobody that opened his mouth and yapped some idiotic nonsense.
February 25, 2014 at 2:31 pm
I really wanted to know if he was just reading it, or had input in to the content. If he was just reading and thinking, “What the…?” as he read, he deserves an Emmy.
February 24, 2014 at 5:31 am
Vincent Van Gogh – immature artist with an inferiority complex prone to self-mutilation. Too easy?
February 25, 2014 at 2:21 pm
It’s funny, I thought I included him…
February 24, 2014 at 5:34 am
So glad I saw this because I never would have chosen to read about it anywhere else. The tear running down Kurt’s face could also be interpreted as a depiction of the Bible’s shortest verse, “Jesus wept.” I know someone who, literally, constructed a shrine to Cobain in his residence. There’s a net hanging from his wall, with pictures of Kurt hanging from it. An altar, with a candle, burns before it. Additionally, when he listens to Nirvana on YouTube, he clasps his hands, and bows his head. He’s a 35-year-old “ex” heroin addict. Finally, I’d like to add Abraham Lincoln to your list. Not that this Black woman is an ingrate, but the Emancipation Proclamation did NOT free ALL slaves. This document was little more than an opportunistic maneuver. And come to think of it, Lincoln, himself, never pretended it to be anything more than that. So, I rescind that nomination, and instead, nominate American HIS-tory…
February 24, 2014 at 6:59 am
Wait. That was Kurt Cobain? I thought that WAS Jesus. I’ll pay closer attention next time.
February 24, 2014 at 3:21 pm
Don’t feel bad. At least you (unlike my neighbor) actually realize there’s a difference between Jesus and Sleazus… (And I only mention Kurt’s grunge nickname because it actually rhymes, not because I hated his music)!
February 27, 2014 at 5:30 am
Maybe someone could sand that tear off with a dremel tool.
February 25, 2014 at 2:23 pm
I don’t know, I think you’d be hard pressed to think of any examples where white America has exploited the black community for its own gain…
February 25, 2014 at 3:53 pm
I’ve just made a mental note not to drink anything while reading your comments. Assassination and aspiration nearly became synonyms!
February 24, 2014 at 5:56 am
“Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.” <—- Nice.
JFK – womanizer, adulterer, playboy
Bill Clinton – see above
February 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm
Except that JFK was more of a womanizah and adulterah.
February 25, 2014 at 4:55 pm
HA.
February 27, 2014 at 10:01 am
What she said … and he said … and she said.
February 24, 2014 at 6:59 am
I laughed so loud reading this that I nearly got thrown out of the coffee shop.
February 25, 2014 at 2:30 pm
I’ll try harder next time. I expect to see a little snow man on a “do not serve these people” sign.
February 25, 2014 at 2:42 pm
It’s happened before. Angry Snowman doesn’t make a lot of friends.
February 24, 2014 at 7:12 am
That Elvis guy…he OD’d, right?
February 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm
Well, that’s what he wants you to think.
February 25, 2014 at 2:27 pm
Man. I so fell for it.
February 24, 2014 at 7:27 am
Neil Armstrong: went on a trip and brought back some rocks. Big deal.
February 25, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Have you ever seen Mr. Show? Brilliant sketch comedy who from the late 90’s. There’s a sketch about blowing up the moon, and there’s an astronaut saying, “I’ve been to the moon. I did a push up. Ate an egg. What else can you do with it?”
February 24, 2014 at 7:45 am
Bob Marley: fathered eleven children and had bad hygiene.
February 24, 2014 at 2:59 pm
@Anka: Honestly, I’ve really tried to ignore your statement, but I just can’t get around it. There’s absolutely no proof that Bob Marley was any dirtier than anyone else (hygiene-wise, anyway). I, myself, wore my hair locked for many years. Locs, dreads, or dreadlocks are often a solemn, sometimes even holy commitment to the wearers and keeping them *clean* is part of that ‘holiness,’ or commitment. Additionally, Negroid hair is very dry, delicate, and easily ‘broken.’ This is why we don’t (and usually can’t) wash it every day. If fact, we have to add oil to our scalps — our hair doesn’t get oily when we don’t wash it; therefore, our oil is ‘clean,’ not dirty. Finally, you might be interested to know that the dirtiest locs you will ever see are the ones you see on people who are of Caucasian descent — this is because unlike Black people, or people with a more ‘Negroid’ texture of hair (kinky), White people’s hair (if it’s ‘dead’ straight and naturally greasy) takes longer to loc; and the ‘violence’ of washing it before it finally locs can undue any prior progress made in loc-ing. As a result, I, who have the “Negroid-est” hair possible, actually sympathize with White folks who want to loc their hair because even for me, it felt like it took forever! That said, once my hair locked, I washed it about twice a week. So, just because *some* people *must* wash their hair every day, it doesn’t mean that people who do not have to do so are dirty! Finally, I don’t know how many baby mama’s Marley had, and I don’t care — but I will give you that…
February 24, 2014 at 3:30 pm
Hi Vivien! I apologize if I offended you in anyway. That was not my intention. I was simply responding to another SATIRICAL piece written by The Byronic Man. He’s got a knack for employing irony and exaggeration in attempt to correct human folly.
Ergo Kurt Kobain, “a famous heroin addict who shot himself.”
Clearly, Kurt Kobain was MORE than just a drug addict. And so, too, was Bob Marley. He was, is, and still remains a legend.
February 24, 2014 at 6:16 pm
Hi Anka-
In no way did I think you meant to be offensive in your post! This was why I was, as I mentioned, hesitant to respond to it. In fact, it is precisely because of my familiarity with this genre (satire) that I was so confused by your reference to Marley’s ostensible lack of hygiene. For example, within the context of Byronic Man’s post, Einstein was, pretty much, a one-hit wonder; MLK, Jr.,apparently had some trouble ‘keeping it in his pants,’ and Jesus was a criminal. As for Marley’s hygiene, it wasn’t the general consensus that he rarely bathed; and as to his locs, they were known for their beauty, not being lice-infested. I didn’t get it when I first read it, and I still don’t. In Bob Marley’s case, filthy hair is not simply a bland (or otherwise) truism for an otherwise good man, but rather a stereotype based on some people’s ignorance.
In my humble opinion, if hygiene had, indeed, been an issue for Marley, your statement would have been totally appropriate and acceptable because Marley was generally beloved and admired, as were MLK, Jr., Einstein, and even Cobain. And in the same vein, Salvador Dali, one of our greatest artists was, indeed, “a sexual deviant who drank to excess.” All of our ‘saints’ had their foibles. But again, Bob Marley was not known as a filthy man (though some ignorant, unread people may have thought of him as such). Consequently, your comments, in my opinion, seemed a bit off track, if not off color. And again, I probably “felt” your statement so strongly because I know, intimately, what it’s like to be a clean person, so proud of my locs, truly believing my hair was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, yet called, by White people, filthy, scary, and ugly, just because it was a different texture than most cover models then, or today. Just look at all the controversy over the beautiful Black actress, Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years A Slave) regarding her darkest chocolate complexion and kinky hair! Unlike Beyonce, with her blond(e) hair, it’s impossible to look at Nyong’o and pretend she’s White…
As for Marley’s own ganja-smoking, fame-fueled man-whoring which resulted in at least 11 children with several different women, I say go for it! 🙂
I am truly appreciative of your response, and your obvious generosity of spirit. Like you, it was not my intention to offend, but rather to provide information where it appeared to be needed. Nonetheless, I can assure you that our differences are not based on my lack of appreciation for satire, but rather, on my considering your statement, sparse as it was, from several different angles, and gradations, and having difficulty seeing how it fit the pattern I perceived.
Deepest respect,
Vivien
February 24, 2014 at 7:08 pm
Vivien,
Thanks for eloquently describing what I was trying to say all along: A person who wears dreadlocks is NOT unclean. This is a GROSS GROSS stereotype.
I was simply trying to dispel this ERRONEOUS way of thinking.
I learned about the spirituality and power of dreadlocks years ago. I minored in African American studies and quickly discovered that dreadlocks carry a DEEPLY spiritual meaning. As you know, there are many faiths and backgrounds that incorporate locs into their path as a disregard for physical appearances and vanity.
To that end, I want to thank you again for sharing your personal experience. Your story. Your time. I could go on for days about this subject, but I think The Byronic Man may grow tired of us taking up all his space. And, my three babies are starting to get restless. Mama needs to feed them some dinner . . .
Have a lovely evening,
Anka
February 25, 2014 at 6:10 am
You’re right, Anka. Wouldn’t want to wear out our welcome on Byronic Man’s site! And I really do appreciate that you took time out from your busy schedule to discuss something so peripheral. Many people wouldn’t do that! It is more important that we listen to each other, respectfully, than that we agree.Thanks, again.
Best regards,
Vivien
February 25, 2014 at 2:29 pm
Wow! It’s like my post became a graduate studies forum!
Now let’s talk about Peter Tosh.
February 25, 2014 at 4:01 pm
No doubt! How kind of you to make an appearance…
February 24, 2014 at 9:03 am
Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Lee, Moses (Isaac Hayes)…gonna be a long list,
February 25, 2014 at 2:33 pm
Bruce Lee always struck me as on of those people who seems really cool, but if you ever met him you want him to just CALM DOWN. Kind of like Quentin Tarantino.
February 24, 2014 at 9:58 am
Interesting post. Gives one pause for thought.
But the pause I was going to give to this got sidetracked when I saw your “comment invite.”
I don’t often wish I’d thought of something first but this is one of those times.
Damn you.
February 25, 2014 at 2:26 pm
And you know, there was some malfunction on my site, and it took nearly a year for that to show up, so thank for the jealousy!
February 25, 2014 at 3:38 pm
Then it’s time for a change and now I can use it.
Thank you.
February 24, 2014 at 10:44 am
Elvis: really enjoyed trans fatty acids.
February 25, 2014 at 2:26 pm
And shot a defenseless television.
February 24, 2014 at 11:05 am
Wells made HILARIOUS wine commercials, you mean.
February 24, 2014 at 11:47 am
Yeah, I don’t know about that tear. I don’t think Kurt would approve. I love your new tag!
February 24, 2014 at 12:37 pm
Nelson Mandela. Jailbird, although to be fair he didn’t re-offend once let out…
February 25, 2014 at 2:37 pm
I heard he left behind several unpaid parking tickets. Recidivist!
February 24, 2014 at 3:06 pm
Michael Jackson – Feel free to use your imagination on this one…
February 25, 2014 at 2:34 pm
How do you summarize someone like Jackson? Michael Jackson: Uh, hm, well, there’s a lot of um, boy…”
February 24, 2014 at 3:35 pm
It’s amazing what passes for professional news reporting these days. There was probably more than one person in line to “educate” the announcer after the broadcast.
February 25, 2014 at 2:37 pm
Especially considering that the report was from Washington – if it was from Oregon, I’d totally get it, because we have a complex about Washington being the prettier sister. “A statue was unveiled today of Kurt Cobain, who was in a band that was good, but was no Quarterflash…”
February 24, 2014 at 5:57 pm
Eleanor Roosevelt who married her cousin.
February 25, 2014 at 2:27 pm
Really? Wow!
February 25, 2014 at 4:58 pm
Again with the captions! You have a gift. My gift is not to one-up you with my comment reply. (I kid, I kid! Seriously, though, I got nothin’ [to add]. Well done.)
February 26, 2014 at 12:20 pm
Hemingway was a cross-dresser? Where have I been? Nobody ever tells me anything.
February 27, 2014 at 7:16 am
Well, not really. His parents dressed him as a girl when he was very little.
February 27, 2014 at 7:18 am
I thought it was some J Edgar Hoover kind of stuff.
March 2, 2014 at 1:59 pm
I hope Aberdeen benefits. Not the prettiest of towns…and Cobain was a musical genius within a tortured soul, but that didn’t make him an ‘awesome dude’…
I guess it makes your point about how history records our heroes doesn’t it? Surprised no one jumped on you about Jesus, though. Risky move.
March 8, 2014 at 9:57 pm
Hitler – a vegetarian with a funny mustache.
March 16, 2014 at 1:25 pm
Wasn’t it the suicide and addiction that made him famous? Or am I missing something?
March 18, 2014 at 6:42 am
He was also Courtney Love’s arm candy.
April 6, 2014 at 7:39 am
Peter the Great: Russian industrial spy who was 6’9″ and thought he could travel incognito.
April 10, 2014 at 3:47 pm
Julius Caesar: Headache-prone military dude with a habit for hanging out in stab circles.
March 24, 2015 at 1:24 pm
Jesus was a criminal how? By helping those in need? His non-violent leadership? Or trying to make sure that his followers respected government? It’s kind of hard to find a time that Jesus did something that was criminal behavior, really.
April 6, 2015 at 9:45 am
Well, most people point to his actions in the temple with the moneychangers, and there’s also idea that he broke Pharisee law by eating on the sabbath.
April 6, 2015 at 12:55 pm
HEY! You’re back to posting! Epic! Seriously, you have no idea how happy that makes me. Anyway, I figured I should say thanks for responding to me, (Really, thanks) but I also figured I should try to explain a few of Jesus’s actions. So, without further ado…
#1. First off, the whole moneychanger thing had to do with how the moneychanger dudes were turning a place of worship into a place of business. After seeing that they were doing this, he got angry, (Rightly so) and tried to send a message, if not a very subtle one, granted, that what they were doing was wrong. Though I do have to agree that I think he didn’t have to resort to violence to put his point out there, he was still right in his actions.
#2. As for the thing where he broke Pharisee law, well, the Pharisees were supposed to be leading the church according to the bible, but they were taking it too far. He may have been breaking Pharisee law, but the law was wrongful. He WAS obeying the law of the bible, which trumped Pharisee law, as Pharisee law was there to support the law of the Bible in the first place.
On a separate note, I have to say that I’m really glad that you’re back to posting stuff. I discovered your blog after you had already stopped posting, and when I figured that out, I was pretty sad, so when you made that ‘I’m back’ post today, I got a pleasant surprise from it. Well, anyway, I have to go, so, um, as the British say, Cheers!