Superbowls never go quite the way people think they’re going to. And this year? No exception.
What were some of the more surprising moments?
At this point it should be obvious this post is humorous, as there’s not a force on earth that can make the Peppers keep their shirts on.
1. Completely shattering all expectations, and defying the most refined Vegas odds, The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform their halftime set with their shirts on.
2. After calling the coin toss which determines who wins the Superbowl, the two teams decide to have a game anyway.
3. A 10-minute orientation video explains to confused and frightened Seattleites why there are no drops of water falling from the sky.
4. Opera star Renee Fleming’s includes 15 minutes of jazz scat in her rendition of the National Anthem.
5. Richard Sherman’s 4.5 million dollar commercial, in which he runs through his college transcript class by class, in case there’s anyone in America left who doesn’t know he went to Stanford.
6. John Elway’s presence on, and refusal to leave, the field.
Luckily it had cooled.
7. Upon winning the game, the Seahawks dump a 30-gallon Starbucks latte on the coach.
8. The entire second half is run ad-free, thanks to a generous donation by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation.
9. The 1-hour delay after the ball was punctured, and someone had to run to Rexall’s to get a new one.
10. The new rule, that once the game is over both teams line up and pass by each other, telling each player, “Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game.”
The Byronic Man 
February 3, 2014 at 3:43 am
I was just happy Seattle won.
February 3, 2014 at 4:21 am
Ditto.
February 3, 2014 at 6:12 am
Yeppers.
February 3, 2014 at 6:16 am
Me too. Even though they’re in a different state, a 6-hour drive away, they’re the closest we have to a “local” team.
February 3, 2014 at 7:04 am
They should do what we did here and just lump all the northwest states together and rename the team: The Northwest Geoducks
February 3, 2014 at 10:18 am
Me too!
February 3, 2014 at 4:25 am
I watched almost the entire game but happened to miss the Chili Peppers. Too bad they didn’t rip off their shirts to reveal giant beer guts and man-boobs. Or maybe Flea could have had a nipple-slip wardrobe malfunction. Would have made the game so much more interesting.
Still — Seattle won. Yay!
February 3, 2014 at 6:17 am
Anthony Kiedis is working on it. You know how rock stars have no one around to tell them they’re ideas are terrible? Same might go for waning physical fitness.
February 3, 2014 at 10:19 am
Yes, yay!
February 3, 2014 at 4:27 am
That jazz scat was fantastic.
February 3, 2014 at 6:19 am
Kitty cat, she was an 18-karat barn-burner.
February 3, 2014 at 4:39 am
We had a long string of dull Super Bowl blow-outs but the last few have been pretty compelling. We got spoiled. I thought the halftime show was great, although I had a flashback because Flea looks like the guy who used to take my lunch money away in junior high school. The 3-point spread a joke. I bailed out in the third quarter. All-in-all a roaring success.
February 3, 2014 at 12:24 pm
I really wish Superbowls had a safeguard in place to guarantee a close game. Blow outs are depressing, even if it’s your team doing the crushing.
February 3, 2014 at 12:43 pm
Well, I grew up in Cleveland and have to follow the Browns, so I’ve never actually experienced my team crushing another. If it ever happens, I imagine I’ll thoroughly enjoy every second and not be depressed in the least! In fact…the Broncos looked exactly like the Browns last night. That’s how the Browns play ALL their games.
February 3, 2014 at 4:44 am
Was amazed that the Chillis didn’t come onstage wearing just their Man-socks – although when Bruno Mars came along there was arguably at least one **** on show…
February 5, 2014 at 12:07 pm
Well, it was New York in winter…
February 3, 2014 at 4:46 am
Good post. Good post. Good post. Good post.
February 5, 2014 at 12:07 pm
Good comment. Good comment. Good comment.
February 3, 2014 at 5:44 am
Allow me to state the obvious: Hilarious!
Thanks
February 3, 2014 at 5:53 am
You don’t say. Stanford, huh? Who knew?
The Chili Peppers were the only reason to watch that entire thing. I don’t care who you’re rooting for, it gets boring after a couple of quarters watching one team completely trounce and annihilate another team.
February 5, 2014 at 12:08 pm
I wonder if Bono tried to make them feel bad by telling them that they were using their performance as a fund-raiser.
February 3, 2014 at 6:16 am
I think the biggest surprise was that my sister and I didn’t immediately Google the ages of the Red Hot Chili Peppers because DANG. You go on with your bad self meggings, Anthony Kiedis.
Just kidding. We totally did that. (51! …51!)
February 3, 2014 at 12:04 pm
51! Wow.
February 4, 2014 at 7:31 am
Wow again – really? Wow.
February 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm
His hair and mustache require an intervention, though.
February 3, 2014 at 6:16 am
Actually, I admire the RHCP for being considerate to the audience in making sure there were no tubesock wardrobe malfunctions…they still rock. 🙂
February 3, 2014 at 6:26 am
I really enjoyed the Chili Peppers’ wardrobe malfunction. Wait… wrong Superbowl.
February 5, 2014 at 12:10 pm
I think they should do a wardrobe malfunction every year, just to thumb their noses at the FCC.
February 3, 2014 at 6:39 am
It’s amazing to me that people haven’t come up with conspiracy theories about Joe Willy’s “botched” coin toss yet. I think it could have been improved if someone from PETA dumped paint on him mid-toss and called him a chinchilla murderer.
February 5, 2014 at 12:11 pm
I wonder if there’s anyone America thinking, “Man, if Denver’d gotten the coin toss, the whole game would’ve gone the other way…”
February 3, 2014 at 7:51 am
Very funny. Still trying to figure out who decided to dress the Fox team in pink and purple. Was it signifying something or just an unfortunate choice?
February 3, 2014 at 8:04 am
#8 is my fave. Those people should be running this country. We would be far more civilized and have no commercials.
February 5, 2014 at 12:11 pm
I wondered how many people would get that.
February 5, 2014 at 1:39 pm
OPB has taught me well.
February 3, 2014 at 10:24 am
I’m not sure we watched the same game but , “Yay! Seattle!”
February 3, 2014 at 12:02 pm
#10 should be a part of every professional sport, because that would be awesome. Anyway, all kids are winners nowadays, you know. They should all get rings too, so there are no sad feelings. Super Bowl Champion, and Participant.
February 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm
Can you imagine how humiliating that would be? Then make everyone stop cheering for a second and give a round of applause to the losing team.
February 3, 2014 at 10:36 pm
To me, the biggest surprise was the outrage about a Coke commercial. The least surprising was the fact that people, once again, found something ridiculous to get outraged about.
February 5, 2014 at 12:13 pm
At first I thought the “outrage” was fake, as a way to generate publicity for the ad, because who could possibly care? But I’m getting the dreary sense that there are people genuinely offended.
February 4, 2014 at 2:22 am
This makes me feel ripped off that I live in Australia and we don’t do superbowl here.
February 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm
It’s generally a rip-off here, too.
February 5, 2014 at 12:25 pm
Ha!
February 4, 2014 at 7:34 am
The Seahawks should give their rings to the roadies who got the field set up for halftime, then tore it down again is about 2 minutes. Talk about speed and great hands!
February 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm
The second half would be pretty cool if they had to play with the stage still in place, though.
February 4, 2014 at 12:06 pm
It’s Tuesday morning and I think the Broncos are almost ready to get on the field and start playing.
February 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm
I don’t know, Peyton Manning looks about 20 years older, and like he’s almost ready to give a speech on the meaninglessness of existence.
February 5, 2014 at 10:34 am
This post is hilarious, and frankly, so are many of the comments. Definitely improved my mood today!
February 17, 2014 at 6:57 pm
Real funny Ha, ha! This post is seriously hilarious! 😉