Hey, hi. How are things? Thanks for having me. Well… I sure do itch, don’t I! Wow.
You’ve decided not to scratch, eh? Good for you. Mind over matter and all that. It’s the only smart move. You just have to be mature, and make a decision based on the obvious, logical choice.
Sure does itch, though, doesn’t it?
It’s funny. We both know that scratching will make it worse. And the only thing you have to do to accomplish the right thing is, well, nothing. But, boy howdy…! Ha ha! Can’t stop thinking about it, can you? Man. That’s quite an itch. So you know the right thing, but everything in your body is telling you to scratch, scratch, scratch! Wild.
Well, that’s all academic, because you, my resolute friend, are not scratching, and that’s that.
I wonder, though…
I wonder… if you just scratched around me. That might work. You know, not actually agitate me and the toxins in me, but just scratch the area. Might help, even just at a psychological level. What do you think? Yeah, let’s give it a go.
Hm. Well… that was fine-ish. I guess that helped, maybe? Kinda? Not really the same thing. Kind of like going to an ice cream parlor and getting big bowl of plain oatmeal.
Mosquitoes. What’s the point? I mean, I know fish eat them and all, but seriously. Anyway, that itch just isn’t going away, is it?
Hey, what if you just lightly brushed me? Not a scratch, you see – just a liiiiight brushing. A tickling, if you will. As if whispering the itch away on gossamer wings. What do you think? No? You sure? You sure? You sure?
Okay. You’ve got an iron will, my friend, and I respect that.
Let’s think about something else. How about Egypt, huh? What a mess. It’s hard to know what role the international community should play, isn’t it? Where’s the line between intervention and cultural imperialism? What level of violence do we ignore in the name of national autonomy? And at what point do we oh my GOD, YOU’RE SCRATCHING YOU STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION AND YOU SCRATCHED!
Well, you’re in it now. Right? Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen. Might as well just go for it.
Oh, baby. Jesus Criminy that feels good. Yeah, just grind away. Pardon my French, but this is a ‘really satisfying bowel movement’ level of fantastic, isn’t it?
So much better. And so far, no new itch. Nothing. Hm. Hey, maybe that did it. Maybe nothing’s going to happen. Right? Maybe, I don’t know, you scratched it to death or something? Does that happen?
OH, JESUS, HERE IT COMES! WOW, THAT ITCHES!! Ho-o-o-okaaaaay!! DAMN! Oh God, it’s like someone locked the previous itch in its bedroom and set the house on fire! Wrong move, my friend! Scratching was definitely the wrong move!
That’s it. You’re not going to do that again, right? Right. No scratching, no how. Smart move. Live and learn.
It sure does itch, though, doesn’t it…?
One Of My Mosquito Bites is a published author. He currently resides on my right shoulder, where he lives with his wife and three children.