Andrew L. 3 Stars. I don’t know if this is a criticism or a compliment, but there’s almost too much to do. There’s literally no possible way to do everything you’d like. On one hand that’s great, but it can get frustrating. “I want to be a surfer, oh wait, I want to be a lawyer, oh wait, I want to explore the Himalayas, oops, now it’s too late.” Overall definitely worth checking out, though; just prioritize.
Yeah, the brochure makes it look great and all, but careful of a Bait & Switch.
Amanda C. 4 stars. Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! Ending is a little abrupt, though.
Matthew M. 1 star. Honestly, I just didn’t see the point. Sure, lots of flash and razzle dazzle, but where was it all going? All style, no substance.
Ming-Mai X. 4.5 stars. It’d be really easy to focus on the flaws (and there are plenty), but the bottom line is this: your not going to find an experience like this anywhere else. There is just so much to be found and so many great things. I know some people are like, “there’s war and disease” or “natural disasters ruin everything” or “Oh, pooping is gross and not pooping is even worse” or whatever, but truly – you just have to see this. I’m not saying you’ll love everything about it, but until you’ve experienced it, you wouldn’t understand.
Jim B. 5 stars. NINERS RULE!!!!!
Alicia V. 4 stars. Amazing, really. Incredible attention to detail; pretty much something for everyone. Sure, there are some spots that it might be better without (puberty? Whose brainchild was that?), but overall, just jaw-dropping. A few suggestions for first-timers: Pizza. Sunshine on your face. Sex. Hiking somewhere. Naps. Having a job you think is fun. Helping people.
A must have.
Bhekithemba M. 2 stars. Too many mosquitos.
Andre L. 2 stars. There were some great things, but it was really all over the map. There’s just no way to plan with any kind of consistency. Just in the people I knew there was wealth, poverty, love, loneliness, happiness, misery, bad things happening to good people, unbelievable good fortune. And as for any consistency in life span? Don’t even get me started. Unless you’re good with surprises I’d just stay away.
Impressive, sure, but sometimes they happen to good people. Makes no sense.
Bjorn J. 5 stars. Wow! Just, wow! Silly childhood; crazy early-adulthood; your prime; sagely old-age – this had it all! You totally never know what’s around the corner, and you think you’ve got it all figured and POW. You just cannot predict what’s going to happen next. Not to be missed.
Rebecca D. 3 stars. Good overall, but if you hook up with Peter Menster in Newcastle, he won’t call you, even though he’ll say he will. He’s a jerk and his car smells like B.O. and I hate him.
Sanjay P. 3 stars. Totally worth it, but there are some improvements I’d like to see happen. I still don’t get only learning things after making mistakes. Seems counter-productive. Also the constant specter of death kind of puts a damper on things. A more even distribution of resources might also ensure everyone being more likely to have a good time. Just a suggestion!
Steve D. 1 star. So when I’m young I want someone to give me advice, but there isn’t anyone, then I get older and realize there were tons of people to help, only I didn’t listen because I was too stupid to realize people were there to help – which is why I needed the help in the first place. If something like that sounds funny or ironic or whatever to you? Maybe you’ll like this. I just felt jerked around. Pass.
Smelling this is generally recommended. Preferably while stopped.
Walter P. 4 stars. Okay, so first thing you’re probably going to think “What the hell?” You’ll be confused, cold, hungry, everything’s kind of blurry and you can’t even lift up your own head. That’s normal. Give it time before you pass judgment. It’s pretty tricky, because there’s this enormous world of possibility, and a tiny brain to process it all with, but if you stay loose, try new things, there’s nothing like it.
Byron M. 5 stars. Cheese. Trust me. Try the cheese.
The Byronic Man 
January 21, 2013 at 3:14 am
I heart cheese. That makes it all worth it by itself.
January 21, 2013 at 1:27 pm
I could write poems about cheese. “Ode On A Grecian Cheese.” “She Walks in Beauty Like Cheese.” “Because I Could Not Stop For Cheese, It Kindly Stopped For Me.” Etc.
January 21, 2013 at 3:17 pm
I would so follow that blog.
January 22, 2013 at 4:30 am
The Cheese of the Light Brigade….
January 23, 2013 at 7:38 am
That’s so funny, the next title I thought of is “Charge of the Light Brigade” then decided I should wrap up my comment! So, kudos.
January 21, 2013 at 3:49 am
All this time wasted studying philosophy and history when I found out everything I needed was right here on Yelp! In my defense, Yelp hasn’t been around as long as me.
January 21, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Yelp tries. Oh how it tries.
January 21, 2013 at 1:37 pm
I was trying to find out about life, but settled for the scoop on local pizza.
January 21, 2013 at 4:29 am
Too many mosquitos. Priceless.
The beginning is much like the end, I think. “…You’ll be confused, cold, hungry, everything’s kind of blurry and you can’t even lift up your own head…”
January 21, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Hopefully it has a similar ending. “And you go through a tunnel, then people who really like you show up and comfort you.”
January 21, 2013 at 2:21 pm
Exactly…
January 21, 2013 at 4:51 am
I don’t even know what yelp is.
January 21, 2013 at 1:30 pm
Oh really? It’s pretty useful. Online review site. Kind of like Wikipedia, but for customer reviews.
January 21, 2013 at 4:59 am
5 Stars, Sir.
January 21, 2013 at 1:30 pm
Thanks! Be sure to put that on Yelp.
I’m not actually on Yelp.
January 21, 2013 at 5:08 am
I usually don’t make time for things like life, but these reviews are making me reconsider. Expecially the cheese one.
January 21, 2013 at 1:33 pm
I know, who has time?
January 21, 2013 at 5:19 am
Cheese. Can never go wrong with cheese 🙂
January 21, 2013 at 6:51 am
And coffee. Don’t forget the coffee. 🙂
January 21, 2013 at 1:33 pm
It’s true. “Too much cheese” is not something you hear.
January 21, 2013 at 5:30 am
G.D. bait and switch! Pretty sure my brochure said something about fame, fortune and the body of Marilyn Monroe. 0 out of 3, people? Really? No stars! Then again, I do have a blog. I heart my blog. And your blog. Okay. 1.5 stars.
I love this post. And not just because of the puppy and the cheese.
January 21, 2013 at 5:49 am
I heart your comments. All of them, but this one especially.
January 21, 2013 at 5:51 am
Shucks, Debbie. I like you so much you make me want to go on Twitter. Actually, that goes for both of you.
Aw. Bloggy love.
Okay. Okay. 2 stars.
January 21, 2013 at 1:49 pm
“Debbie”?? Her name’s not Hippie?
Bait & Switch, man.
January 22, 2013 at 3:33 am
I know. Would you have ever thought Debbie?
P.S. – Her name isn’t Debbie. Long story. Blame Peg.
January 22, 2013 at 6:36 am
I FORGOT about Debbie. Good times. Good times.
January 21, 2013 at 1:50 pm
Yeah, I’m still waiting for something the guarantees I felt I was given.
January 21, 2013 at 5:52 am
Debbie C.:Thumbs up if you got here via Freshly Pressed!
January 21, 2013 at 1:50 pm
Your comment totally freaked me out. “I WAS FRESHLY PRESSED? I WAS FRESHLY PRESSED?… Oh. I wasn’t freshly pressed.”
Woke me up, though!
January 21, 2013 at 2:47 pm
Sorry. You should have been, though. This was that good.
January 21, 2013 at 7:02 am
Okay. I need help. What is Yelp and why would it need to be rated?
January 21, 2013 at 1:52 pm
Yelp is kind of like Wikipedia for reviews. Restaurants, barbers, anything. It’s all customer/volunteer filled, but is surprisingly useful.
January 21, 2013 at 2:05 pm
Okay, well your post makes so much more sense. With all this new-fangled stuff coming out on the internet, I can’t keep up. I mean, aren’t these modem things just wonderful?!
January 21, 2013 at 7:37 am
I gotta go with the puppy. Will you house break him for me?
January 21, 2013 at 1:53 pm
*House training not included.
That’s one of Life’s mean little tricks, isn’t it? There’s always fine print.
January 21, 2013 at 2:02 pm
Always.
January 21, 2013 at 8:20 am
I can’t agree with you more on Matthew M. A total life of douchery… We’re talking that same one right? THe one who lives over at that one place?
January 21, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Oh yeah – the one with the car. Always insists on wearing a coat when it’s cold. That’s the guy.
January 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm
Oh, I know that guy! With the two hands and feet, and the face, and the hair. Drinks water, goes to sleep when it’s night time. Gotta be the same one!
January 21, 2013 at 9:33 am
Misty L: 2.5 Stars…..Cheese? Good. Lactose Intolerance? Bad. Puppies? Good (and super adorable). Pee on your pillow? So very bad. Roses? Smell Good. Thorns? Ouch! Rainbows? Really pretty. No pot of gold? Really unfair, damnit!
All in all, it’s worth the journey if you remember there will be just as much good as bad. If you’re lucky, more good than bad.
Oh, and pizza really is awesome. If you can eat cheese.
January 21, 2013 at 1:56 pm
Roses: good. Thorns: bad. The song “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”: really bad.
January 21, 2013 at 9:52 am
Niners RULE!
January 21, 2013 at 1:55 pm
All empirical evidence would certainly suggest so.
January 21, 2013 at 12:40 pm
Figures there’s always some grumpy bastards in there who don’t understand personal responsibility.
This post was pure awesome-there’s a yelp for basically everything, you should start this category for real and see what people write :
January 21, 2013 at 1:57 pm
That’s a really great idea. I wonder how people would find it… hm… I’ll look in to that.
January 21, 2013 at 1:20 pm
Ah, cheese. Cheese, coffee, and honey cheerios are what make me get up in the morning. That and the whole responsibility thing, which I have to say would be right down there with puberty if it didn’t make life exciting.
January 21, 2013 at 1:58 pm
Ah yes, cheerios with chunks of cheese in it and filled with coffee: the breakfast of champions.
January 21, 2013 at 10:09 pm
And let’s not forget the bacon.
January 21, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Cheese makes everything better. Like bacon. And sarcasm. Sometimes.
January 21, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Weddings and funerals. Sarcasm tends not to fly so well. Other than that, though…
January 21, 2013 at 2:16 pm
Can’t wait for the sequel.
January 21, 2013 at 4:52 pm
“So I arrived, and it took me ages to find my way around, I mean, where are all the signposts? No one understood anything I said so I spent the first, like, year or so just crying with frustration. Then I found my feet and things improved a bit. My trip’s not over yet, so I’m withholding final judgement, but so far I’d say 4-4.5 stars.”
January 22, 2013 at 10:11 pm
I don’t know if you are aware, but some of the Yelp reviews are bogus and written to improve the average review score. They are often written by the owners of whatever is being reviewed. So, in that case, by people who have a life. For example, this Byron M. review looks very suspicious to me.
January 23, 2013 at 7:37 am
Yeah, I guess that’s the danger of a wiki set up like that. In theory, though, over time those will get distilled out. It’s one thing to have 3 fake reviews when there’s 8 total. It’s another if there’s 800.
And Byron M is nothing is not suspicious…
January 28, 2013 at 8:34 am
Thank you for the misuse of the word “your” in the 4.5 star comment. I swear to you, that made the whole thing.
January 28, 2013 at 9:24 am
You are the first person to catch that!
Obsessive attention to detail: validated.
July 27, 2013 at 6:34 pm
I wonder who first made cheese.
July 29, 2013 at 6:24 pm
An angel!