It’s always disconcerting when news networks say things like, “With 0% of the ballots reported, it looks like Wisconsin is going to go to Obama.”
One of my favorite things to do on election night is surf the different networks the moment they call it, before they’ve had time to polish. Last night the more liberal networks announced that “AMERICA HAS SPOKEN!!”. The more conservative networks (okay, Fox), announced that, “Well… technically… technically… it looks like… technically… Obama has… *cough*… ‘won.’”
Nothing beats Karl Rove just denying the whole thing. “Ohio goes to Obama.” “No, it doesn’t.” “Um, yes, Mr. Rove, it does.” “No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t. IT DOESN’T IT DOESN’T IT DOESN’T.”
Hold on a second… Washington and Colorado legalized marijuana but Oregon – hippie freaky Oregon – didn’t? Has the world gone insane? Sure, Oregon’s law was going to be far more permissive and the campaigners were far less organized (which probably isn’t that shocking), but still…
But it LOOKS redder! Shouldn’t elections be based on acreage?
The fact that people look at the map turning red and blue, and believe that because the physical landscape has bigger red that blue that voting is unfair is all the more reason that it’s terrifying that democracy is the best we can come up with.
It’s still on the border, but now it might be the Republicans turn to complain about the Electoral College and why the hell don’t we elect by popular vote. Maybe the Democrats can just email them their materials from 2000.
I like how they can’t announce the winner until the polls close, so at 7:59pst the networks kind of go silent and say, “And so it looks like California wiiiiiiilllll…. Goooooo… tooooo… “ *clock turns to 8:00* “Obama.”
It must have been tempting to say, “And Utah has voted for Romney. Duh.”
MY CANDIDATE (to be named later) BELIEVES IN FREEDOM AND THE FUTURE AND CHILDREN AND STRENGTH! YOUR CANDIDATE (to be named later) BELIEVES IN LAZINESS AND CORRUPTION AND UNFAIR TAXES AND HATES AMERICA.
It’s always interesting seeing the discrepancy between what news networks can say and what they know. For a couple of hours Romney was leading and yet you could hear “This thing’s over: it’s Obama” in the voices of the reporters the whole time.
Donald Trump apparently tweeted that it was time for a revolution in America. An actual revolution. Dear Mr. Trump: You might consider what tends to happen to super-rich plutocrats in a revolution…
It’ll be nice to stop with all the campaign stuff for a few days until Election 2016 kicks off.
The Byronic Man 
November 7, 2012 at 11:15 am
Wait . . . there was an election? And I MISSED it? When did THIS happen? And why didn’t anyone tell me? You would think they would at least have the decency to put an ad or 2 on TV during this whole thing. I mean, don’t you people WANT votes? Jeesh!!
November 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm
They didn’t want to make a fuss.
November 7, 2012 at 11:21 am
A few days???? Oh it is so peaceful and quiet. The only phone calls I have received today were from family members!
November 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm
I gave blood a while back and now the Red Cross calls twice a day, every day. I’ve said that I will never give blood again until they stop calling me.
November 7, 2012 at 11:25 am
I know. Stop with the politicking for 5 minutes so I can enjoy my Halloween candy in peace!
November 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm
They should run negative ads for candy. “3 Musketeers isn’t even a blend of 3 ingredients – Who is 3 Musketeers trying to fool?”
November 7, 2012 at 11:27 am
I was sleeping with the enemy last night. Nice to know we can start talking again.
November 8, 2012 at 6:33 am
I don’t know – you can’t be too careful…
November 7, 2012 at 11:35 am
My dad was in his glory last night. He almost -ALMOST- brought out my neice’s toy easel to keep track himself.
And I’ll be honest. Every time I see SO MUCH RED, a liiiiittle part of me panics and thinks, “Okay. Deep breaths. It doesn’t work like that.”
November 8, 2012 at 6:34 am
Oh, I do that too. That initial “AAhhhh!!” They should really re-size the state according to their population size on those boards.
November 7, 2012 at 11:54 am
I will be more prepared for the next election. In 4 years, I will no longer have a facebook account…
November 8, 2012 at 6:35 am
Wasn’t Facebook just unbearable?
November 9, 2012 at 7:14 am
I find myself chuckling at this one: “I will no longer have a facebook account.” SO true.
November 9, 2012 at 7:20 am
Thanks. 😉 Seems to be the best solution. FB + Elections = absolute misery.
November 7, 2012 at 11:58 am
I think we should start campaigning now to elect The Byronic Man for president. There must be enough of us Byromaniacs out there to get the guy elected. Who’s with me?
November 8, 2012 at 6:35 am
Well, I am, at least…
November 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm
I don’t know nothing about nothing (because Im British) but on that map it looks like everyone who lives in the countryside votes Republican and everyone who lives in cities votes Democrat? (or am i generalising a tiny bit…)
November 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Generalizing, but not as much as I might wish… Personally, I’d like to see the map in shades of purple. We’d get a much more accurate picture that way (and maybe remind ourselves that we’re not as divided as our political parties want us to think we are) My home state is pictured as red, but in reality it’s only slightly on the red side of purple.
November 8, 2012 at 6:37 am
Naturally, the political landscape is vastly more intricate than news and politicians would have you believe, but as a general rule, that’s true – rural areas (which, ironically, receive the most federal aid) tend to go Republican and urban goes Democrat.
November 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm
But don’t try to tell farmers that their farm subsidy is a form of welfare. They’ll take the rifle off of the gun rack in their truck and shoot your ass. Here’s a map showing county voting results. Generally, there are more Democrats in urban areas and in areas with easy access to water. http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=election+votes+2012+by+county&view=detail&id=755EC58FB3B00DCD7BED67A0ACED8F94CDC2845A Maybe Republicans are just dehydrated.
November 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm
“Dear Mr. Trump: You might consider what tends to happen to super-rich plutocrats in a revolution…”
Yeah… that.
November 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I’m with you, Michelle. But only if his “little woman” is on the ticket as V.P. You don’t think he comes up with all this stuff on his own, do you?
November 8, 2012 at 6:45 am
I actually have all my writing done by child labor working in a sweat shop.
November 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm
I was delighted to see all the campaign signs picked up along the roadways this morning and actual ads for anti-depressants, sleep aides, meds to lower cholesterol, and improve erections (not elections) on the air. That’s a sign to me that things are, once again, on the right track…
November 7, 2012 at 11:17 pm
Is that really radio ads? I think I would laugh out if i heard that on Norwegian radio.
🙂
November 8, 2012 at 6:46 am
I bet “more erections, less elections” would be an effective slogan.
For, well, anything, actually…
November 8, 2012 at 8:28 am
You’ve got my vote!
November 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I’m guessing with 55 days til the “fiscal cliff” – there won’t be much of a break in political scrutiny. At least the billboards are down along with the Dow.
November 8, 2012 at 6:47 am
But it also means 54.5 days until any action is taken, so maybe that can be seen as a break.
November 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I would have spent my time in Hawaii vying for votes for four months
November 8, 2012 at 6:49 am
“I MUST go to Hawaii to campaign! I think they’ll be crucial to the election!”
“But they only have 4 electoral votes. And it’s over before their polls are even closed.”
“Damn it! I’m telling you! America needs me to go to Hawaii for a while!”
November 8, 2012 at 6:56 am
who cares about the electoral votes ? Hawaii should be a must (lol)
November 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Love your 2016 campaign slogans! Want to be really scared? My teenager can vote in the next election. Maybe we should hope that there is something to this whole “world ends in 2012” stuff.
November 8, 2012 at 6:50 am
Sometimes I hear teenagers talking about politics and think how terrible it is they can vote. Then I hear adults talking about politics and think how terrible it is that almost everyone can vote.
November 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm
You referenced my favorite moment from last night–well apart from the non victory of rape-is-a-gift candidates and the victory of Obama–the Karl Rove meltdown was a supreme tantrum at its best. My 2 year old can’t even come close. And how do we get the Donald to never have attention on him ever again?
November 8, 2012 at 6:51 am
I know – who woulda thought that being a rape apologist would be a bad political move? Chicks, right? So unpredictable.
November 10, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Who would’ve anyone (even Donald Trump) might one day make Glen Beck look sane?
November 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Since I’ll be turning 35 in 2029, I’m already starting my 2032 presidential campaign.
You know, assuming democracy lasts that long.
Anybody know a good place to start fundraising?
November 8, 2012 at 6:52 am
You might start by selling your ideals on eBay. Start there and see where things go.
November 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm
I could have saved everyone a lot of time and money
November 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm
…um…wth? My ipad decided that was all I needed to say.
Anyway, like I was sayin….(ahem) I could’ve told everyone around 2 pm that my son’s class had already voted for Obama 13 to 3. And, more importantly, my daughter’s class declared cats the big winner over dogs 15 to 3.
November 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Oh, and my fave moment of all the election coverage by far? When Brian Williams said, “And there seems to be weed all over the ballots today!”
November 8, 2012 at 6:54 am
I was going to mention that, too. I love that quote.
And, man, those cats bought that election. They outspent the dogs, like, 8 to 1.
November 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Karl Rove/Son of Satan and his giant hissy fit were priceless. I was waiting for him to scream “No, we paid for Ohio…we did…we win Ohio…I dropped the moony off myself.”
November 8, 2012 at 11:51 am
That’s why you should always get receipt, Mr. Rove.
November 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I’m going to pay Trump $100 to show us what’s under his comb-over. One lesson that I took from all this is that I’ve GOT to get rid of my landline. I was so happy at the thought of not getting any more campaign calls. Then WHAM! three calls today for charities. And one said they were a charitable org that does roofing and siding. SHit you not…
November 8, 2012 at 11:51 am
I guess yourself can be a charity, technically, speaking…
November 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm
The best prediction I heard yesterday was that Romney was going to lose because the Redskins lost last Sunday’s game. See, apparently when the Redskins lose the Sunday before election day, the Republicans lose the election and when the Redskins win the election, the Democrats win the election.
Take that Karl Rove.
November 8, 2012 at 11:52 am
It all makes sense now!
November 7, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I was rather disappointed that, when the networks broke down the demographic votes by characteristic of humanity, Romney’s female votes weren’t organized in binders.
November 8, 2012 at 11:53 am
It actually would have made for a nice, sly commentary. Probably too subtle, though.
November 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm
I live in Florida and it looks like Florida still hasn’t made up its mind. smh
November 8, 2012 at 11:54 am
And it’s funny, because we’re so used to things hinging on Florida that it’s weird to be in a position of, “Florida is too close to call!” “Yeah, well, whatever. It’s done.”
November 7, 2012 at 8:03 pm
For much prettier election maps, try this link. It’s for 2008, but it gets the idea across. http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/2008/
November 8, 2012 at 11:56 am
I was just saying to Jules that they should arrange the electoral map that way, and then thought, “You know, I’m sure someone has…”
November 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I think they ought to do it this way all the time. I love how the cartograms make the country look like a phoenix. Very optimistic of them.
November 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Ha! I like your Trump comment. Good one. How’s baby and family? I hope all is well.
November 8, 2012 at 11:57 am
Baby is good. She’s glad the election is over. She seems to be crying less, and I’d assume that’s the reason…
November 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm
That’s the reason I’m crying less…
November 8, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Oh, good! I know I’m relieved. Now it’s time to begin for 2016, huh?
November 8, 2012 at 1:17 am
that silly trump is such a joke. i couldnt believe it ahahaha
yay for obama!
November 8, 2012 at 2:49 am
Once I voted (weeks ago per absentee ballot), I unplugged my phone, turned off the TV, and crossed my fingers. I just waited until Wednesday morning to get the news–either catastrophic or sweet relief. All I can say is “Phew!”
I always think I should work the campaign somehow if I’m so adamant about who I want in office, but telephone calls and junk mail seem so counter productive. Does that stuff do anything *except* piss people off? Maybe I could sneak into The Donald’s penthouse and shave his head.
November 8, 2012 at 11:58 am
I’m traumatized ever since last year when there was a prisoner on death row with a LOT of evidence suggesting he might not be guilty, and there was tremendous pressure to grant a stay while it was investigated. Right before bed I checked the news and saw he’d been given a reprieve. Then went to bed, got up in the morning and it said, “Oh, no, wait – he wasn’t. He’s dead.” I’m afraid to turn my back on the news, now.
November 8, 2012 at 4:36 am
When the revolution comes, it will be Donald Trump’s scalp that will be used to crown the rebel leader. Too much? OK, how about if we just abscond one of his penthouses and give some poor deserving family a really good deal on rent.
November 8, 2012 at 11:59 am
Only too much because the leader of a revolution should get something more dignified. Maybe Alec Baldwin’s scalp? Not because he needs scalping, but he’s got nice, dignified hair.
November 8, 2012 at 6:26 am
Hmm… I had something meaningful to say, but then I became distracted by the fact the border around Alabama seems a bit wider than the other states’.
I think I see a screenshot that came from the default settings on an interactive map!!!
Also, I might need help. Possibly. Maybe.
November 8, 2012 at 7:38 am
No, no – that’s the wall that’s been built around Alabama.
November 8, 2012 at 7:44 am
Ah! Yes! The Great Wall of Alabama! How could I forget?! They say it’s visible from space.
November 8, 2012 at 9:09 am
One of my friends who just got done with a Montana district representative race was told he should try and get his candidate to start a campaign for the 2014 Montana Representative in late November. Blarg!
November 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I looked at The Guardian today and they were discussing the likely 2016 presidential candidates. I thought I was going to cry.
November 8, 2012 at 11:19 am
They’ve been working on this thing for years…. http://www.nationalpopularvote.com/
…but one of these days, my vote will count.
November 9, 2012 at 5:31 am
Oh thank God for this post. I thought I was just horrible at math when the whole Counted Votes/ Projected Winner thing didn’t add up!
November 9, 2012 at 8:03 am
I think we need to tie up Donald and shave off that hideous excuse of a haircut just to see if, like Samson but not, his stupidity rests only in the hair on his head or if, as we all suspect, it runs rampant through out his whole body. Besides a big eww that would explain so much.
November 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm
I still love Jon Stewart saying back in 2008 that Karl Rove’s face looks like a loaf of unbaked bread dough. And speaking of Karl Rove and bread, what is up with all the fat, nerdy (slightly asexual) divorced and/or unmarried men who make up the Republican party’s bread and butter? You can come to my state and I can show you that it’s not a stereotype.
November 12, 2012 at 3:23 am
Seriously! They didn’t even bother with California or Washington, it was literally the second the polls closed.
And honestly, after living here for long enough, I’d be surprised if Oregon ever decided to legalize weed – that’s a second, tax-free income for a lot of people right there! 😛