This Is Why Fluffy Bear/Cuddle Cat Would Be Such Good Candidates: They Can’t Talk.

September 23, 2012


Well, it’s Sunday, and it’s time to announce the winner of the caption contest, and for another Weekly Question of the Week*!

(* title does not intend to suggest weekly appearance)

First was the caption contest, which I probably ruined by telling the back story of Muschi and Mauschen – the cat and bear who were best friends at the Berlin zoo, sticking by each other through everything until Mauschen passed away and Muschi the cat was inconsolable and I’m sorry, I have something in my eye…

Anyway, what was I saying?  Something rugged and masculine, I believe.  I think it was about chainsaws.

Well, regardless, it’s time to announce the winner of the caption contest.  It was a close one, bouncing between the various finalists. But please congratulate Life With The Top Down for her winning entry!  Life with The Top Down, you’re my featured blogger, which comes with a trip to Berlin (no expenses paid), where you’ll get to pick up Muschi the cat and give him a good home, and maybe buy him a bear.

Spooky: Are you sure this is hormone free?   Midnight: Why? Do I look different?   Spooky: Maybe.

Next up, is this week’s question.  Now, I know we’ve all enjoyed watching the manifestation of Mitt Romney’s new, revitalized campaign strategy this week; even if you’re planning to vote for him, you have to admit that in a world of soundbites and Youtube, Romney stepped in an elephant-sized pile of it this last week.

In fact, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I can’t wait to see what he has to say next, preferably after a bad night’s sleep, while constipated, and having just gotten a sliver under the fingernail – really prime the pump to let the anger fly!  Why?  Because an edgy politician who doesn’t know people are listening is not only an honest politician, he’s a hilarious politician!

But what will he say?  That’s the exciting part!  I realize we’re never going to get a good, old-fashioned Ross Perot level of crazy, or a Sara Palin level of ignorance – but Romney showed he can produce the goods if he’s under enough pressure.  So… what would you love to hear Romney say next?

Maybe say that he thinks old people smell weird?  Maybe say he doesn’t support marriage of two men but he can go for two women getting together, and then wink?  What about saying that we should use the poor as a source of organs for the more productive, important members of society?

Now’s your chance to predict the future, or maybe even influence the direction of his campaign!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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36 Comments on “This Is Why Fluffy Bear/Cuddle Cat Would Be Such Good Candidates: They Can’t Talk.”

  1. Ape No. 1 Says:

    Is running for President a tax deduction I can claim this year or next year?


  2. breezyk Says:

    Hey! I nominated you for the addictive blogger award- go check it out!


  3. Life With The Top Down Says:

    I would like to thank the Academy and of course the other Bryoniacs for this huge honor.

    As for Mitt I think I want him to say…”I’m heading out on a bus tour this week, I’ll be slumming it across the country like that 47% do everyday.” “Hey, Jeeves make sure to grab the spray tanner, we’re gonna need that if I really want to relate.”


  4. Go Jules Go Says:

    This is not my entry. I just have to tell you -“no expenses paid”? Wow. Full-on giggle fit. I had to stop reading for a minute.

    I just watched an episode of The Daily Show where the moment of Zen was (I know you probably already saw it):

    As soon as I can think of how to top that, I’ll be back. I swear on Muschi.


  5. Go Jules Go Says:

    Mittens: Knock knock.
    Retired Veteran: Who’s there?
    Mittens: Boo.
    Retired Veteran: Boo who?
    Mittens: Stop crying and get a job.


  6. madtante Says:

    My foster sister should love all the stuff he’s been saying. She’s one of those hardcore, “by the bootstraps and if you CAN’T for good reason, somebody in your family should do it for you” people.

    I’ve only said it to her once BUT it bears pointing out:
    When she was 19 and knocked up, she went on assistance. They took care of her medical (crap clinics, true but FREE), they PUT HER THROUGH SCHOOL (tech school), they gave both the child and herself health care for 18 months, then only the child, they put the child in THE BEST daycare center in the county. Rich people are on waiting lists. They dropped her right in.

    Yes, this was during the Clinton years. Yes, this was during “welfare reform.” That’s WHY they “made her” get a certificate and MADE her work. Now? She works for a multi-national company as a consultant–very, very well-paid. I’m proud of her! I also know that she would NEVER be where she is today if WELFARE hadn’t helped her and that baby (who’s a senior in school now).

    But screw anybody needing help whether they paid in or not. Their sucking up HER taxes.


  7. sj Says:

    I’ve been imagining him losing it lately, like when Scarface quits his job in Half Baked.

    “F- you, f- you, f- YOU – you’re cool – f- you, I’m out!”


  8. Blogdramedy Says:

    “I’d rather believe Jesus Christ was gay than married.”


  9. List of X Says:

    I am going to answer the contest question on what Mitt Romney would say next with a recent post from my blog:
    That’s probably going count as arrogant, attention-grabbing, and out-of-touch comment, which is exactly how Mitt Romney would have done it.


  10. List of X Says:

    “Whatever the winning answer will be, I will take a lot of credit for that”


  11. List of X Says:

    “Dear average Americans, I can relate to all of you, because I have fired so many of you”


  12. List of X Says:

    “These 47% who pay no taxes feel they should be entitled to healthcare, housing or food. I say this should not be happening. No one should be entitled to anything, at least not until I get all my tax deductions.”


  13. pegoleg Says:

    “I’m going to have a hard time with the middle-class voters in the fly-over states because they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion…”


  14. artzent Says:

    I sure cannot wait for the debates so that he has a chance to show just how stupid he really is!


  15. Paul G. Eberlein Says:

    Maybe Mitt could say the following to make up for his “47 %” remark:

    “The trouble with poor people is that there aren’t enough of them to make me feel good about how filthy rich I am!”


  16. susielindau Says:

    Congrats to Life with the Top Down!
    I for one will be glad when the elections are over. Both candidates scare me!


  17. Robert Jamail II Says:

    Here’s my entry for the contest 😉 (assuming I am not too late)…

    It is coming from the guy staring at Mitt, in the background, who I will presume is writing Mitt’s speeches…’One more hidden camera video, and I am SO next in line.’


  18. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    “I’m sick of the poor, the handicapped, the mentally ill, the veterans who are sucking us dry, the Blacks, the Jews, the Latinos. Wait. I didn’t mean that. I meant to stop at the poor. Dammit.”


  19. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Did it get blocked because it was THAT offensive?


  20. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Will you check your SPAM file for my offensive Mitt entry. Perhaps my use of Jews & Blacks and mentally ill in one entry got me into your SPAM filter.)


  21. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    No, that didn’t do it. Hmmm. Just check. That’s enough for today.


  22. Michelle Gillies Says:

    Seen here in his new publicity photo for his gig as host of “Family Feud”, Mitt was deliriously happy about finding people who responded quickly without thinking and gave just as stupid answers as he did.


  23. 1pointperspective Says:

    My wish is for Mitt to say, “I’m not the man for the job, so I’m handing over the nomination to Joe Rogan. If he can transition from News Radio to Fear Factor to Mixed Martial Arts then back to Fear Factor, he’s better equipped to be president than I will ever be. Good night America”


  24. Lorna's Voice Says:

    Id like to hear him say,”My wife was right. It’s hard running for President. I have to wear plaid shirts and dungarees (that’s what you people call them, right?) just so that you think I am one of your breed. Sometimes I have to mess my hair up a little bit and eat your strange native foods. You have no idea what it’s like to be me, one of the chosen elite, and have to cavort with you, the huddled masses. It’s hard. Very hard. You should try it. Oh, wait. You can’t. You don’t have the money to run for President. But maybe you can try to imagine my suffering on your way to the voting booth. I’m doing all of this for you. God bless America.”


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