Bears recently twice ransacked a home in the small town of Bearsville, NY, before being driven off by the town’s sheriff.
To the editor:
Recently my family and I visited, hoping for a nice getaway in a welcoming small town. I can only say that the people of your town should be ashamed. “Bearsville,” indeed. More like Jerktown. Rudesburg.
You don’t see me hanging a sign on my den that says “Humantown” and then freaking out when you come in, do you? No.
I am a working mother who rarely gets a chance to take a holiday with my cubs. Knowing that people are often skittish about bear visits, we chose our holiday destination carefully. Imagine our joy at seeing a whole town dedicated to bears!
When we first arrived we found a nice house and popped in for a bite to eat. So far so good. We went through the kitchen and had some lunch. I made a delicious salmon with honey-moth glaze, and the kids had a blast ripping the cupboards apart.
We left and returned later to see that the homeowners had cleaned up for us! So sweet! So, we had some family time, playing on the furniture. We found all of their furniture juuust right.
At this point, having done nothing wrong, the sheriff of your town declared us a “nuisance” and began shooting at us.
Shooting! At us! No charges, no trial – not even a warning.
Humans of Bearsville, is this what you accept from your law enforcement officers? Or is it just acceptable against bears? So, it’s cute and funny when fake bears take pic-a-nic baskets, but when a real bear goes to Bearsville with her cubs, well this calls for assassination?
Look, if you don’t want bears around, maybe name your town, oh, anything else! It’s practically entrapment! If St. Nick showed up to Santa Claus, Georgia, would you just open fire?
“But mom, I wanted to see her fly while she sings ‘Defying Gravity’!” “Sorry, son. We’ll have to listen to the cast-recording at home again.”
I have already written to my cousins in Alaska and told them they might think twice before popping in to Kodiak to see Wicked, for which they’ve had tickets for 3 months, and it broke their hearts. Three little cubs, crying. I hope you feel good about yourselves, humanity. As for me, I have to explain to my children why we aren’t welcome, even in a town named for us.
I can only hope the people of Cougar, Washington and Buffalo, New York are more welcoming to their visitors.
In conclusion, I would hope your town would take a second look at its policies, and how it treats visitors, especially those you’ve tacitly welcomed. At the very least you should look at changing the name to something a little more honest. Perhaps “NoBearsville” or “ShootAtBearsForNoApparentReasonVille”?
Sincerely,
Mama Bear
The Byronic Man 
August 6, 2012 at 3:31 am
And once again, I see the application for a tombstone epitaph I was once told of…
“Shot. Mistaken for Bear.”
Senseless violence. *shakes head*.
August 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Not much of a legacy for that guy.
August 7, 2012 at 2:06 am
We can only hope he didn’t die in vain and the bear lived…
August 6, 2012 at 3:32 am
Just unbearable, the way bears are treated these days! 😉 PETA, anyone?
August 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm
If the bears decide not to take it anymore, that’s going to be problematic.
August 6, 2012 at 3:49 am
What?! Dammit. So much for my planned trip with my girlfriends to Cougartown.
This reminds me of that hilarious video of the mama bear yelling at her cub in the garage. “Get down from there!”
Why can’t these moms ransack a house in peace? it’s just not right. I’m tired of their rights being trampled on.
August 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm
That is a march on Washington I’d like to see. 100,000 bears marching down the streets of the capitol while everyone says, “Ohhhh… crap.”
August 6, 2012 at 3:58 am
Shooting is just epidemic in the U.S. It impacts everybody.
August 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Hopefully the bears don’t start arming themselves. One mis-read of the second amendment and they’ll be setting themselves up.
August 6, 2012 at 4:03 am
I live in Moorestown. I can’t think of too many people who would be less welcome here than the Moorish. It’s so wrong. I’m tempted to move down the road to Swedesboro.
August 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I hear they have vicious border patrols for Norwegians in Swedesboro.
August 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Screw it! I’m moving to Intercourse, Pennsylvania!
August 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Speaking of faraway, exotic locales, please enjoy a Descheutes beer or ale on my behalf sometime. Damn that’s good beer!
August 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm
It is great beer, isn’t it? My personal fave is Bond Street Brown. It’s a fall seasonal and not one of their bigger brands, but if you ever get the chance to try it – and I don’t care if it’s 7:30am and you’re on your way to a job interview – don’t pass it up.
August 8, 2012 at 2:56 am
usually only make it to oregon in the summer, and i’m hopelessly devoted to IPA’s (like Debbie Gibson, but with hops).
August 6, 2012 at 4:53 am
ROFL!!! Best letter to the editor EVER!
August 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Those bears are incredibly civic-minded.
August 7, 2012 at 2:30 am
Lol apparently so 🙂
August 6, 2012 at 4:58 am
This may be your most clever post yet. And that is saying quite a bit. Thanks for the chuckles this morning!
August 6, 2012 at 5:37 am
Having lived in Buffalo, NY I’ll have you know the people are more welcoming to animals and crappy football teams than they are to actual people.
August 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm
If they’d let bears on the football team they’d win a lot more often.
August 6, 2012 at 5:51 am
I think Mowgli is the only one who ever really got bears. City life…it’s a jungle. 😉
August 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Also Grizzly Adams. He and Mowgli could start a support group.
August 6, 2012 at 5:54 am
So funny (as always, duh) AND cute. Look at you defending bear rights…can you think of anything more adorable? 😉
August 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Bears and sharks. Apparently I like defending the rights of animals who are vastly more powerful than myself.
August 6, 2012 at 6:56 am
Before these bears complain too much, they should know law enforcement and gun owners in America have the right to shoot just about anybody with no questions asked.
August 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm
That’s how we know we’re free.
August 6, 2012 at 7:25 am
On the bright side, bear literacy appears to be on the rise.
August 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Everyone always refers to their “razor-sharp” claws – no one ever points out that they’re ideal for typing.
August 6, 2012 at 7:29 am
Reblogged this on igatherum and commented:
This is too funny….
August 6, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Great, thanks!
August 6, 2012 at 8:31 am
Dear Mama Bear,
Stop stealing my thunder.
Love,
Gary the Bee
August 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Hey, Gary & The Bear! The TV show practically writes itself!
August 7, 2012 at 7:13 am
I KNOW. I mean, the whole honey thing? C’mon! It’s like the perfect odd couple.
Not that I’ve thought about this in extremely, fine, granular detail.
August 6, 2012 at 9:20 am
This bear writes way better letters than the ones I read in the local newspaper. Those are usually about Jesus coming to smite the guy who cut the letter writer off in traffic.
August 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm
That’s true – to make it more realistic, I should have made the spelling worse and included paranoid rants about taxes and socialism.
August 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Stop Grizzling…
August 6, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Okey-kodiak
August 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Well when you put it that way, the bears really didn’t deserve to be shot at all. I’m so glad we’re all broadening our minds to include the voiceless. Or, um… those whose voices only go, “aaaraarrrrrrrrgggghhhh!” Because they’re misunderstood.
August 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm
I’m just hoping the bears will no I’m on their side if it ever comes down to it.
August 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I think we should all take a moment and be grateful animals aren’t armed (yet). It’s only a matter of time after the ranting letters. Momma Bear Rocks!
August 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm
When they start talking about “honey by any means necessary”: worry.
August 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm
As a human, this unbearable injustice is just too embearassing.
August 6, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Grroooaaan. Oh, sorry, that was bear for “well said!”
August 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Mama bear should start an online support group. Maybe a Twitter feed.
August 6, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Your avatar pic really enhances the credibility of this comment.
August 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Wow. There’s plenty of blame to go around here. This isn’t a simple case of discrimination — it’s not like you went to a restaurant and were refused service. You went to a private home and walked in without bothering to knock — that’s trespassing — and then took food from their kitchen. That’s burglary. The sheriff would have been completely justified in arresting you.
But shooting you was a severe overreaction. This is clearly a case of species profiling.
August 6, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Next they’ll be trying to deport all back to Bearvania.
August 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Mama Bear, you tell them. Savage humans, indeed.
August 7, 2012 at 11:08 am
Is that a bear with a crowbar? (Exit stage left pursued by… Sheriff).
August 9, 2012 at 4:10 am
I hope you saw the piece on the News where a bear broke into a convenient store and was snacking in the chocolate section, leaving the empty wrappers all over the floor. I thought of you as I was watching!
August 10, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Ah, a different perspective. It is time to consider the bears’ feelings. I can bearly contain myself as I paws to consider this injustice. Honey, I ain’t comin’ back any time soon to your sorry town. (Thanks, Byronic.)