Freedom Fighting Leads To Voting. Voting Leads To Not Having To Water Tomato Plants

July 21, 2012


Oh, boy, I’m going to get myself detained more often!  Not only was it relaxing, but I got to see the awesome creativity of people rallying around a non-cause!  I’m actually back from the orchard, so whatever you did worked.  Hopefully you used the opportunity to impress someone with your heartfelt concern (while making sure they didn’t learn any of the actual details).  If not, I’m sure something else will come along.

Now the hard part: choosing from these ideas.  None of them fit in a poll, so you’ll have to read and then vote (and don’t forget to check out the new blogger of the week!).  Okay, so to recap – I was trapped in a hazelnut orchard, forced to spend almost 20 minutes a day watering tomato plants, with no internet, and only a whole house, my wife, a nearby river, an orchard, books, puzzles, music, and a few restaurants to keep me from going insane.  Your task was to create a movement to draw attention to my plight.

A few highlights include –

Speaker 7‘s “feverish, hyperbolic Facebook status update”: “Every person has 1,000 wishes. The Byronic Man trapped in a hazelnut orchard at the mercy of putterers only has one: an internet connection and another book to read. Okay so he has two wishes, does the number even matter? What matters is putting an end to this injustice. Of my 2,425 very close friends, I bet only 3 will have the BALLS to repost this (yes, I’m using all caps–I’m yelling–because I feel so passionately) as their status update. Get some BALLS and do this so we can somehow use the power of our status updates to bring connectivity and a book to that orchard”

SJ, from BookSnobbery created an Online Petition (only 995 signatures to go!), including an awesome graphic from the Killer Tomatoes Comics.

Raymond at Night Mirrors created the U A TWIT campaign: “Friends and Fellow Social Media Disciples: The Byronic Man’s plight is all too common and all too sad in our world. While so many enjoy a constant connection to the internet and the important world of virtual friendships and virtual lives many others are but intermitently connected to a life of fulfillment through kitten videos and status updates. What kind of society are we to allow so many to live with so little. Please join us at United Against Time Without Internet Time (U A TWIT) to put an end to this injustice and to ensure that no man, woman or child ever misses an important “Share” simply because they have no signal. Participation is easy and you can make a difference. Our goal at U A TWIT is to harness every chipmonk, squirrel, cat, and racoon with an aluminum foil hat. These foil hats will allow statelites to beam an internet signal to every corner of forest and field to create a wifi blanket across this great land. We are in need of volunteers at all levels including aluminum hat makers (must have small hands for this delicate work) and hat placers (good cardio required as our target animals are fast). Or if you prefer just send U A TWIT your tax deductable donation of Reynolds Wrap. Help us make No Wi-Fi a Go Wi-Fi world.”

And, finally Hippie Cahier constructed the beautiful and inspiring “We Are The Blogging World” song and visual.

I know.  How to pick? So, what do you think?

Finally, the winner of last week’s poll, is the lovely, talented, and impressively competitive Renee, over at Teachers & Twits!  You were very excited to see her event “Driving With The Elderly (and keeping your cool)” added to the Summer Olympic Games.  Look out, London!  There’s a new event coming your way, very… very… slowly… is it… are they… are they pulling over?  What are they doing?  No… no, they’re back… Why are they stopping?  WHY ARE YOU STOPPING??… There they go… Get ready, Lon– NOW STOP.  NOW STOP.  STOP.  Oh my God… Get ready, London!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man


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25 Comments on “Freedom Fighting Leads To Voting. Voting Leads To Not Having To Water Tomato Plants”

  1. Rinth Says:

    I vote for the U A TWIT campaign :D!


  2. speaker7 Says:

    I am at loss to choose (I’m kidding. I’m going to vote and refresh and vote and refresh ad infinitum for mine. Jk. {maybe} ((can you do double parentheses in sentences?))(((it looks weird)))) I especially want U A TWIT to be real because I think chipmunks would look really sweet in aluminum foil hats.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Grammar moment: parentheses inside parentheses become brackets. (so inside this [it’d look like this] see?)

      Sorry I’m such a nerd.

      And are you chewing gum? Don’t make me give you detention.


  3. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Am all for U A TWIT CAMPAIGN
    we shall spread signal in every corner of this sphere


  4. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    U A TWIT…the name is just too awesome.


  5. Kate Says:

    Yay Driving for the elderly!! Get ready… steady… STEADY… ok I give up on the steady part… GO!


  6. Go Jules Go Says:

    I really had a hard time with this! Now I kind of want to go do a puzzle to relax after the stress of picking just one.

    Looks my sidebar domination is about to come to an end. Luckily, my effervescence knows no bounds.


  7. mistyslaws Says:

    I had to vote for Hippie. Not only is she a fellow Merlender (holla!) . . . but the placement of my feet on that image makes me look like I’m kicking Babs (not your Babs, Jules!!) in the throat. I greatly approve of this message. We are indeed the Byronic World.


  8. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Hooray! Awesome! Does this mean my mug gets to go up as Blogger of the Week? Why I? I don’t even know what to say? I never win these things. I only win food related prizes. Off to vote in the new Poll. 😉


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Sorry it took an extra day to get the link up. On the plus side, I’m doing something non-competition oriented this week, which means you’ll likely be featured for two whole weeks! So when your site stats rocket up by 2-3 hits a day, you’ll know that’s the “Byronic Effect.”


  9. clemarchives Says:

    I think it should just be “We Are The Blog.” And I think that needs to happen. Nobody could resist it if you got Kanye West to agree to help, too!


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      It’s amazing how many songs are improved with the insertion of the word “blog” or “blogger.”

      “I believe the bloggers are the future…”
      “And the hooonky tonk bloggers…!”
      “I got 99 problems, but a blog ain’t one…”


  10. Angie Z. Says:

    As fantastic as all of these are, I have to vote for my old pal Speaker7, who is always, always brilliantly funny, but most especially when she parodies Facebook status updates.


  11. pegoleg Says:

    This was a tough choice. But since I personally experienced Jeff Bridges barfing on me in order to bring about Byronic’s freedom, I’ll have to go with Hippie’s monumental achievement.


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