Second Byronic Husband, Chipmunks! Uh… Sorry, Wrong “Me”

July 19, 2012

Humor

Chances are pretty good that you’re familiar with Jules, over at the terrific blog, Go Jules Go.  Odds are really good that you’re familiar with me and my blog, what with you reading this sentence and all.  Also this one.  And this one.

Et cetera.

Finally, there’s a decent chance that you have a fair amount of trouble telling the two of us apart, or have perhaps have suspected that we are actually the same person.  Yes, I know you’re probably embarrassed to admit it, but don’t feel bad.  It’s very difficult to tell us apart.  Even we have trouble sometimes.  To wit:

I mean, Bronson Pinchot, right? That’s pretty weird. Got to mean something, you’d think.

We’re both left-handed.  We both live in states where it’s illegal to pump your own gas for no logical reason.  We both recently thought about Bronson Pinchot within a few hours of each other. We’re both married to serious foodies.  We both write humor blogs.  We both like the actress Alison Pill, but for, um, different reasons.  We both rarely get sick, yet got this horrible, horrible cold/flu hybrid death plague thing at the same time a few months back.  We both have dogs who are in the running for “cutest on Earth.”  Perhaps most tellingly?  You’ve never seen us in the same place at the same time.  No one has.

Only their mothers can tell them apart.

Are we each other’s doppelgangers?  If so, what does that mean?  Is there a card for that?

Regardless, we’ve become tough to tell apart.  In fact, just the other day, someone wrote a comment on one of my posts to Jules, then added a second one saying “Oops!  That comment was meant for Byronic Man.”  Even in my comments people can’t tell us apart!

So, for your ease and convenience, and to avoid embarrassing mix-ups, Here’s a handy guide to telling Jules and I apart:

1. One of us loves Glee.  One of us thinks it’s worse than syphilis.  I forget who feels what, though.

2. We both occasionally post things we find on Facebook.  If it looks kind of like this? 

You’ve probably got a Jules.  If it’s more like this?  Probably me.

By Erik Larsen, at Image Comics, San Francisco.

3. Facial hair: Jules’ has a moustache that is fake.  I have stubble that is real. You may have to look closely.  Here’s a hint: does the facial hair seem to be connected to eyeglasses?  Probably Jules.

Or is that just me?

4. Jules gives away a lot of things, including cool, neon slap-bracelets because she’s nice, and generous, and community-minded.  I have given away… well… nothing.  Ever.  Because I’m part Scottish, so I’m cheap, and also because I can’t think of anything good.  The best I’ve been able to come up with for a giveaway is Byronic Man sheets, and then you’d be trying to fold the fitted one, and get all mad and roll it in a ball sputtering, “Stupid #&!!@%**, #%&!* Byronic $#&!**@ Man!” because fitted sheets have that effect on people.

5. Jules loves chipmunks dearly. I, well, chipmunks and I get along fine.  I feel affinity for them, rarely call them squirrels, etc.  We have nothing but positive things to say about each other.  Love?  I’m just not ready to go that far.  So, Chipmunk love?  Jules.  Chipmunk cordiality and mutual respect? Byronic.

Um… shoot.  I can’t think of anything else.  There must be something else…  Well, if she is my doppelganger, or we’re the bizarro versions of each other, then, hey, that worked out pretty well, I’d say.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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169 Comments on “Second Byronic Husband, Chipmunks! Uh… Sorry, Wrong “Me””

  1. Carl Parmenter Says:

    Nice post Jules, I mean Byronic Man. Who are you again?

    Reply

  2. Richard Wiseman Says:

    That can happen a lot, that mistaken identity. I often get mistaken online for Professor Richard Wiseman the psychologist, Aside from our name the only thing we have in common is that he works at The University of Hertfordshire and I did my degree there. I suspect he secretly likes being mixed up with me because I’m better looking and I’m not bald and annoying. I had a hilarious comment on my blog saying ‘You’re Not Richard Wiseman! Who the hell are you?’ and another saying ‘Don’t click this link it’s a trap, it’s not Richard Wiseman; they’re trying to steal your details.’ I thought of responding to defend myself but I thought it would be like trying to convince a stubborn, persistent ageing and muddled relative at a family wedding that I wasn’t, for instance, Terry from the baker’s shop and no I wasn’t delivering their cream cakes – the correct response is to agree, say the cakes are in the kitchen and go home. Never argue with idiots, drunks or teachers, that’s what I say. If I was you when people mix you up with Jules, just go with it, but only as far as responding, don’t start dressing up or anything, like Josh did in that episode of Drake and Josh where Josh wears a dress as his alter ego for his agony aunt column.

    Reply

  3. Go Jules Go Says:

    Well, me, this is clearly your best post yet. I don’t know how you do it, but I assume it has something to do with just the right amount of facial hair.

    And the fitted sheets! Yes! We, I mean, I should bestow them upon S/He Who Can Fold Them. It would be akin to the sword in the stone, I think.

    I had already forgotten about that comment where someone called you me (told you, swiss cheese head)! Obviously I have no choice but to assume you’re me.

    I definitely got the better end of the deal here.

    Reply

  4. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    you two make a great comedy team – enjoy both of your blogs equally but differently!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Well, excellent. Although what these “differences” are, I don’t know.

      Reply

      • Go Jules Go Says:

        Excellent. Oh wait…I already said that.

        I do [know the difference]. He’s the idea man. I do nothing and reap the rewards. I might have to bake him a german chocolate cake. (Oh, B! Prize-winning pie crusts! But you know what? Better you didn’t mention that. It could get ugly.)

        Reply

  5. tinkerbelle86 Says:

    you guys.. this makes so much sense. i never twigged that you are actually the same person before, but it all seems so clear now, i feel cheated!!

    Reply

  6. becomingcliche Says:

    Oh, my gosh! I can barely tell the two of you apart! It’s really spooky. Wait. Were you the one in the house shoes or the kid hanging out with the tiger?

    Reply

  7. 1pointperspective Says:

    Really?! There are similarities? I’ve got to start taking notes when I read. On the bright side, “more slap braceleted than before” – too funny!

    Reply

  8. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    Well, whoever wrote this made me laugh out loud. You guys are great. I actually got confused when I read the email notification about this post. I stopped everything I was doing (which consisted of watching tv, and I LOVE tv) to come and read this. And um, the adorable waving puppy hopes the name change is permanent. 😀

    Reply

  9. L @ Trying Not to be Fat Says:

    People fold fitted sheets?? i just normally angrily crumpeled them into a ball…

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Apparently there are long, long, incredibly detailed videos available online on how to fold them. I used to try and then one day wadded it up and thought, “Well, this is much easier” and never looked back.

      Reply

      • L @ Trying Not to be Fat Says:

        I can’t be bothered. There are so many other things I could be using my time for. Like opening a web browser, staring at it, wondering why I opened it, writing post dated rent cheques, or even forcing myself to watch daytime televison.

        Reply

  10. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    There is nothing better than having a great writing relationship. I’m so glad you and your second husband… Wait. I’m so glad that you and your second wife have this cool synergy. I have it with my partner, El Farris. We bounce ideas off each other and talk on the phone way too much. Meanwhile, Byro. Have we ever seen pictures of your dog? Uncle Jesse is pretty cute. That said, I prefer Calvin & Hobbes to pictures of puppies. But there is a very good reaon for that which Jules can share with you OFFLINE. *wink* Unless she forgot. You should do a giveaway. Julie’s giveaways are the best. Plus, I love to win. You should just give me something right now. My victory is inevitable. In short, I adore you both; you complement each other beautifully. But Julie is easier to tweet. Just sayin’.

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Wow, Renee! Thank you! To quote you from an earlier comment (ooh, don’t you love when people do that?) – you and El are a force to be reckoned with, too! I can’t wait to read your upcoming books. B and I won’t be talking on the phone any time soon because we’re the same person and also hate phones. And I suspect he is already regretting accepting my FB friendship, although how else would he see pugs in pug slippers?! I will fill him in, too. *wink* (B, did that wink work? That was one of your best questions of the week!)

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      How are you for sheets?

      Reply

    • Running from Hell with El Says:

      The best writing partner ever. Right there ^ is Renee.

      Hey, Byronic man– –>this woman<– needs sheets.

      And hey, summer is harshing my mellow. My children are learning to play the bagpipes and they've been off their ADHD drugs for two days.

      I might be moving North. Alone.

      Jules, the only reason to quote from people's earlier comments is because you don't feel like writing a response lol.

      Love to all.

      Reply

      • pegoleg Says:

        “Harshing my mellow”, “learning to play the bagpipes”; your grasp of street slang is so impressive to an old lady like me, El. Bravo! But what does the bagpipes thing mean, exactly?

        Reply

        • Running from Hell with El Says:

          Smirk.

          Well, darling Peg, the bagpipes story is a long one. Do you have your teacup in hand?

          Many years ago, when I married Mr. Hell, my mom had one of her whiskey-induced “big ideas.” It involved bagpipes, my upcoming wedding, and a very tiny chapel.

          I told mommie dear that this was not a good idea. We argued; she pouted, I avoided her . . . and I assumed it was “taken care of.”

          Six months later, the minister pronounced us man and wife, and so help me God (giggling) I turned around and damned if there weren’t these braying, yowling, cat-screeching bagpipes rocking out the wee lil’ chapel. My husband held my hand very tight and I did everything in my power not to bring my hands to my ears to drown out the band of Scottish yowlers. Ahem, bagpipers.

          To this day, when I read the word “kilt” or “bagpipe” I start to howl-giggle-blush, just like I did that hot summer afternoon October 4, 1997, when my mommie dearest won the bagpipe brouhaha.

          Reply

  11. speaker7 Says:

    Wait, which one of you is Bronson Pinchot?

    Reply

  12. Babs Says:

    Oooohhh, does this mean I have a second son? Another set of twins? Twice the laughter and stubble? I’m so happy!

    Reply

  13. mistyslaws Says:

    Twinsies!! Oh, man. I mean, if Jules were to put on a red dress and B-man were to be wearing a toothpaste costume, complete with white painted face and lampshade hat, I think it would be near impossible to tell who was who.

    Really, Jules, this was a great post. The similarities are eery!! I mean, WHO on earth ever even thinks about Balki any more, and for both of you to think of him at the same time? Yeah, there is some kind of cosmic mindmeld thing happening there.

    Oh, and don’t you dare send me those mother#$%&ing sheets!!

    Reply

  14. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    can you write more points cos i am still not able to know which one is you…which one of you has 100 cars..and who hates vampires !

    Reply

  15. rachelocal Says:

    I’m glad you guys finally cleared this up.

    Reply

  16. earthriderjudyberman Says:

    Thank you for clearing up any confusion on who is who. I confess to being the one who wrote a comment addressed to Jules that was intended for Byronic Man. I must have been thrown off by that warped humor you share. But the Calvin & Hobbes clue … that was the most telling. (I’m a fan of that comic and post it on my FB.)
    Thank you to both of you for keeping us guessing … and laughing.

    Reply

  17. She's a Maineiac Says:

    It really is uncanny.

    I was onto you guys when I noticed that both of your blogs would show up in my reader at the exact same time. And then to be FP on the same day. I mean, who does that?!

    I think I’ll have to solve this mystery once and for all and invite you both here to my house for some lobstah and beer. Maybe then you can pull the ol’ Jack-Tripper’s-twin-brother-Austin trick.

    Reply

  18. artzent Says:

    I am so glad that you cleared that up? Hey Jules, uh, Byronic man.Nice post!

    Reply

  19. Audrey Says:

    Just a couple of twins separated at birth and brought back together by the goodness of the blog world! Seriously, the similarities are uncanny…

    Reply

  20. mylifeisthebestlife Says:

    ILLEGAL TO PUMP YOUR OWN GAS? Like illegal, illegal? Like you’ll go to jail?

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Isn’t that bizarre? It’s illegal, unless you have a motorcycle, then you have to pump your own gas. New Jersey and Oregon are the only two states where that’s the case. The Daily Show did a great story about it years back, interviewing the lobbyist whose job is trying to keep it illegal.

      And, okay, you probably wouldn’t go to jail. You’d get some guy saying, “Dude. Dude. Dude, you can’t do that. Dude. Sorry, bro. Law.”

      Reply

      • mylifeisthebestlife Says:

        Wait wait wait…you CAN’T pump your own gas but motorcyclists HAVE to?

        That’s racist.

        Reply

        • The Byronic Man Says:

          I know, isn’t that weird? I’d like to think that there’s different laws for every form of vehicle. If it’s an RV then someone else at the gas station, who’s not an employee, has to fill your tank. If it’s a taxi then the attendant has to pour the gas in a bucket, then you empty the bucket in to the tank. Etc.

          Reply

  21. 8teen39 Says:

    I feel your pain. I am often mistaken for Cary Grant. But since he died, that only happens when I’m asleep- which scares my wife.

    Reply

  22. pegoleg Says:

    Hey, I have facial hair, too! There’s this one, lone long hair that keeps growing in below my chin – kinda gross. Triplets? Hmmm?

    Reply

  23. Hippie Cahier Says:

    Well, gosh. Now I have another blog I’ve been meaning to get to that I must get to asap and try to catch up on and then not get back to nearly often enough because . . . well, you don’t care about that. Wait, why am I telling *you* this?

    Reply

  24. Wilma Says:

    I find your facial hair more attractive, than Jules’, however, I covet her ‘stache glasses. I must find an equally quirky accessory of my own.

    Great post. Now I have to go read Jules.

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Wilma, I hope you haven’t entered the Go Byronic/Jules Go zone where you just bounce back and forth and can’t escape, because my post just sends you back here. Personally, I’d much rather be here, because otherwise I have to try to pick a winner for the July ‘stache glasses contest!

      Reply

      • Wilma Says:

        Wait! There’s a ‘stache glasses contest? I admit I’m new to your blog, but how do I get in on this?

        Reply

        • Go Jules Go Says:

          Oh poop, Wilma. I could’ve sworn you entered. Unfortunately, it’s past the deadline, but I’m doing another one next month (around this time of the month, and there will be about a week to enter)!

          Reply

          • Wilma Says:

            Duly noted. I will stay tuned. I’m thinking I may need my own look though, maybe a bedazzled eye patch or something incorporating a unibrow.

            Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Hm, maybe I should work on marketing my “four days growth full beard glasses.”

      Reply

  25. Deborah the Closet Monster Says:

    I’m glad for this handy guide to telling the two of you apart, and also for the fact that there are the two of you. Like the old gum, this means double the pleasure, double the fun. But not in, y’know, dirty ways.

    P.S. Jules, that link-up photo of you is fab!

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Deb. Wait. Does that mean birthday cards with an adult man in a dress sitting on an 11-year-old’s lap are out?

      Thanks! I think I look better when not sandwiched between Bronson-B Man splendor. Who can live up to that?

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      If there were any way, if Jules and I lived within 300 miles of each other, making a fake Doublemint commercial would be awesome. A lot of work for basically an inside joke, but totally worth it.

      Reply

      • Go Jules Go Says:

        Crud. Why did you have to say that?! It’s bad enough without knowing the commercial possibilities! And you know HOW to make a commercial, so much like this post, I wouldn’t even have to do anything but smile and nod.

        Reply

  26. Love & Lunchmeat Says:

    I am utterly confused. Naturally, I love the new banner… but mostly I am confused. Why does Jules have lasers behind her head? And Byronic Man, is that your whole face? I had assumed the other half of your face had long blonde hair, and wore black glasses, and looked suspiciously like Jules…

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Yesss. Thank you for asking about the lasers. When B Man said he wanted to do an ‘only their mothers can tell them apart’ side-by-side photo, it’s all I could think of. That was the background they used for my grade school pictures. I kind of wanted him to use this picture instead, though: http://thelaughingstork.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/LaserBackground-463×580.jpg

      Reply

      • Love & Lunchmeat Says:

        No way!!!!! Is that really B man? That photo is classic!

        Reply

        • Go Jules Go Says:

          If you’re asking about the photo I linked to in this comment thread… Oh, me, please, stop me from running with this for all it’s worth. Okay, since I’m also B-Man, I wouldn’t do that to myself.

          It’s not him. (But it IS him on this post, next to me. I think his eyes are mocking my awesome lasers.)

          Reply

          • Love & Lunchmeat Says:

            To be honest, I was a little bit jealous of the lasers. My mom would never let me do them. Now, in retrospect, I can see where they might not have been the best look for me. On you, however, they are stunning! (And on the anonymous catcuddlingdude, they are also awesome, but in an entirely different way. Also, the wordplay one could get from that picture… It’s almost too easy.)

            Reply

          • The Byronic Man Says:

            I was wondering how you’d handle that. The temptation there… oh, the temptation. Because then the more I denied it was me, the guiltier I’d look.

            Reply

      • The Byronic Man Says:

        I wondered where the laser backdrop came from! I thought it was maybe in the Photobooth program, as part of there “Weird backdrops” feature, but couldn’t find it.

        Reply

        • Go Jules Go Says:

          They really need to step up their game with Photobooth. (Oh, look at that. We both have Macs. Although that sounds obnoxious, right?) Thank chipmunks for Google Image search (“laser background” brings up all KINDS of gems. Like your other twin with the cat.)

          Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I’m going “Whole face” more and more these days. Phase 3 is “torso” (clothed).

      Reply

  27. madtante Says:

    The last I heard from Jules was when I told her I wanted to tongue-kiss her for a compliment she paid — and I’m not lesbian. I think that I scared her off. Can I offer *you* a tongue-kiss? I’m just playing fair.

    Reply

  28. susielindau Says:

    I have mixed up Byronic Man with Good Greatsby! I think it happened because I was thanking Good Greatsby for winning his caption contest (and I compete in Byronic Man’s caption contests) when my email notification popped up with your (Good Greatstby.. I mean Byronic Man’s) name on it. I can see where people would mix Jules and Good Greatsby up!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Uh-oh. Now Greatsby thinks I stole his caption contest idea. I didn’t! I swear! I stole the New Yorker’s caption contest idea!

      Actually I just wanted to mix up the Question of the Week. I thought about giving a caption and people look for the best image, but thought that might be too labor intensive.

      Reply

      • susielindau Says:

        I believe you and have entered in that caption contest too!
        That would be a lot of work for some.
        I actually mentioned your name in the thank you! It was really embarrassing. I had to send a quick email to have him change it to the Good Greatsby! My problem is that I jump on my computer right after I wake up in the morning and often before I have had my rocket fuel cup of coffee… 🙂

        Reply

  29. Truth and Cake Says:

    Jules’ mustache is fake? It’s like finding out that Santa Clause isn’t real! Umm, where do you stand on booze, Byronic man? Cause if you’re not a lush, then it will be super easy to tell you two apart.

    Reply

  30. k8edid Says:

    Until I see you BOTH in a dress (maybe the same dress – not at the same time, though) Then I’ll believe you are twins.

    I’m up for the lobstah and beer.

    Reply

  31. The Bumble Files Says:

    I’m WAY confused. But, it sounds you guys got it figured out. 😉

    Reply

  32. Boomdeeadda Says:

    You two are a regular Rowan and Martin. (You can Goggle it if you weren’t watching late night television in the early ’70’s).

    Reply

  33. Jessica Says:

    I’m well versed in chipmunks and slap bracelets, but am new to all things byronic. Thanks B, errr Jules, errr B, for providing the secret decorder ring to keep you two straight.

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Jessica, I hope you have time for another blog because B Man is like chipmunks and slap bracelets on crack, but, um, manlier? I feel oddly fulfilled whenever I find out I’ve sent people here. Well. I always thought I’d be an awesome greeter, like at The Gap. Maybe I can live that out here.

      Thanks for coming! Did you know if you read one post, he gives you the second one for free?

      Reply

      • Jessica Says:

        With a deal like that, who could say no?

        Jules, you would be a great greeter! I can just see you now, rocking the ‘stache glasses and slap bracelets, handing out vodka-soaked cherries and bacon chocolate, and introducing the world to all that is chipmunkery and poly-marital. I’m definitely glad you would high-class it at The Gap rather than Wal-Mart. I just knew you wouldn’t sell out for the blue vest. 😉

        Reply

  34. Angie Z. Says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has noticed your sameness! And the fact that I’ve never seen either of you in the same room with Bronson Pinchot is also mysterious. The only way we can clear this up now is if you were to both perform The Dance of Joy while wearing matching embroidered cummerbunds. Something to think about for your next collaboration post.

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Ang, this is another wonderfully nostalgic and hilarious comment (and I’d expect no less), but all I can focus on is the spelling of cummerbunds, which I just recently learned. I can’t say that word without feeling like maybe I just had a stroke because how can that be right?

      Reply

  35. Nina Badzin Says:

    I love anyone who loves Jules.

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      Nina! That’s funny. Because I love anyone who loves me, I mean, Byronic Man, I mean… er. I think this is all going to work out somehow.

      But in all seriousness, thank you, and you won’t be disappointed. (Likewise, B.)

      Reply

  36. Stacie Chadwick Says:

    I’ve never seen your whole face! Glad to know my Ouija board premonitions of a terrible childhood accident are completely untrue.

    Reply

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