Brainstorm list for post to put up on my birthday:
Have a contest. Note: be sure you plan ahead, because if you’re trying to think of a contest the night before your birthday that won’t work out.
Make a list of great birthday parties throughout history. Don’t scientists think it was a birthday party gone out of control that killed off the dinosaurs? I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.
“What happened?!” “I don’t know! He was just laughing at a joke he made to his own question in his own interview with himself and, and… the room just collapsed in on itself!”
Do 20 Questions interview with myself. Hm, using my blog to publish my interview with myself. Some element of risk there that I might implode under the weight of self-indulgence.
Do a giveaway. Not sure what to give away, though. Jules did slap bracelets… I could give away… erm… let’s see… I could give away… slap… bracelets… shoot! What do I have around the house? Pens. Coffee cups that don’t match. Some DVD’s. “It’s the big Byronic Man Quilted Sheet Giveaway!” Yeah, okay, maybe hold off on the giveaway.
Talk about how Tom Hanks and Jimmy Smits have the same birthday as me. It’s my ‘in’ if I’m ever trying to strike up a conversation.
Talk about how it’s also Courtney Love’s and OJ Simpson’s birthday. It’s my ‘out’ if I’m ever trying to convince them not to kill me.
Invite subscribers to big party at my house. Spend the day decorating and setting out a big spread, then feel sorry for myself when no one shows.
Make list of things I’d like for my birthday. Note to self: be sure to list thing like peace and understanding, not the hoverbike and the talking dolphin.
Compare and contrast the years when I told everyone to ignore my birthday and moped, versus the years when I promoted my birthday like the Olympics and pretended it was “ironic.”
Yeah, yeah, happy birthday, kid. Everyone give me 3 dollars. What? You sang my song – everyone who sang owes me 3 bucks or my lawyers will be on you like varnish.
Discuss “the birthday song” and the fact that it is an actual written song for which someone made a lot of money. Contemplate possibility that world is insane.
Write sincere, drawn-out treatise on how much my readers are valued, and that I don’t get to their blogs half as much as I’d like, and it pains me. Then have pictures of cats with funny captions.
Write about cake. And how it’s good.
Make brainstorm list in thinly-veiled attempt to draw attention to it being my birthday.
The Byronic Man 
July 9, 2012 at 3:39 am
Happy Birthday – read on Jules blog that it is your big day. You have single-handedly described what birthdays are all about – love your blog and hope your cake does taste good and that you get your hoverbike.
July 9, 2012 at 9:20 am
I haven’t checked the garage today, so there’s still hope on the hoverbike!
July 9, 2012 at 9:26 am
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
July 9, 2012 at 3:39 am
Happy Birthday! Best wishes for a day of celebrations and a year of joy. FYI: 7/9 is also the 190th day of the year.
July 9, 2012 at 9:20 am
Thanks. Things are certain to be eventful this year with the baby coming!
July 9, 2012 at 3:45 am
Happy birthday, B-man! I would love a quilted sheet. And a post about cake. Because it’s all about me, right?
That is great you share yours with Tom “there’s no crying in baseball!” Hanks. Lucky you. I share mine with Bob Newhart, king of deadpan humor. Explains a lot about me. (damn, there I go again talking about me. It’s about you. Happy birthday. Hope your talking dolphin dreams come true. Oh and you’re another older and closer to death. Congrats.)
July 9, 2012 at 9:21 am
I remember you mentioning Newhart once, and I’m still jealous because he’s one of my favorites.
Byronic Man sheet sets. Hmmm…
July 9, 2012 at 3:52 am
HB! Instead of you giving away a giveaway to your readers, you could do it the other way around! I.e. we readers send you presents if we believe you have written a funny or interesting or useful post! For instance I have a porcelain set of dishes that I got as a wedding present that might be good for this purpose. What do you think? Cheers E.
July 9, 2012 at 9:27 am
Now THAT’S an idea I can really get behind.
July 9, 2012 at 4:03 am
Oh, I’d love a quilted sheet – or even a new coffee mug. I would have written a birthday poem, but I need coffee and about a week’s lead time – for future reference. Let me work on that.
That hoverbike?
Not gonna happen.
So get some bracelets
and get to slappin’
Hope the cake is good
the beer is cold
Never mind that you’re
Getting old.
That’s all I got. Need caffeine. Happy birthday. Hope it’s great.
July 9, 2012 at 6:14 am
Katy, you are truly awesome. My birthday is March 1st. Please make a note of it.
July 9, 2012 at 7:15 am
It helps (as my family will attest) if you drop not-so-subtle reminders starting at least a month prior to the actual date…
July 9, 2012 at 8:13 am
Mine is September 5th. Just a little FYI for you, Katy.
July 9, 2012 at 7:28 am
All right – here’s a Beatles Birthday-themed video. enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lh525NYjzY
July 9, 2012 at 9:28 am
Pretty poetical for pre-caffeine! I don’t know, though – I’m not sure what the Byronic Man equivalent of slap bracelets is. Fedoras?
July 9, 2012 at 4:18 am
Here’s an idea for next year’s birthday celebration: take the day off. Sit on your butt and don’t post anything whatsoever. This will serve two purposes,
1). your REAL followers will wish you a happy birthday (because we’ve noted it in our smart phones – not because we’ve actually remembered it)
2). the rest of us will have a guaranteed day to post when we won’t be shown up by your wit, writing skill and oh yeah, it’s your birthday too.
Have a happy one, in any case.
July 9, 2012 at 9:38 am
Very kindly put. I thought about not posting, but then having something to post about seemed like an opportunity not to be missed. In a few days when I’m punching my temples saying “THINK. THINK.” I’d be mad that I’d missed a freebie.
July 9, 2012 at 10:07 am
I hear that! on the bright side, you gave jules something to write about – I hope she appreciates your sacrifice!
July 9, 2012 at 4:24 am
Happy birthday!
July 9, 2012 at 9:40 am
Thanks!
July 9, 2012 at 4:26 am
Happy birthday!
One of my favorite tunes. Old school to be sure, but nice– for your birthday
July 9, 2012 at 9:41 am
Thanks again!
(I know it’s an accidental double-post. I’m pretending it’s enthusiasm)
July 9, 2012 at 10:11 am
Yeah. I’m dippy that way. Hope you have a great day.
July 9, 2012 at 4:38 am
Wait, you lost me on the shameless self-interview thing…so that’s a bad thing? I would love to see you play your own 20 Questions game.
Happy birthday! Does that make you a…Gemini? Cancer? Because I always like to get people personalized zodiac profiles for their birthday — matted and framed of course to make it look even more classy.
July 9, 2012 at 6:14 am
Yes… Hey Byronic! Let’s play 20 Questions!! (Dooooo it!)
July 9, 2012 at 6:25 am
Dude, you and JP totally tied in my Dynomite! contest. Exact same amount of votes. Exactly! That never, ever happens. Did you know this? I’m thinking on how to handle this now…let’s see, which one of you will use your power for good and not evil, that’s the bigger question.
Hijacking a post on Byronic Man’s birthday? No, I don’t think it’s beneath me.
July 9, 2012 at 6:30 am
Sounds like a run-off is in order!!! Or, since we are hijacking Byronic’s post, we could have him make the final decision. Provided he picks me, of course.
July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Jeez, if people think it’s a good idea… maybe it’ll impress upon me that the questions are too hard, or boring or something.
July 9, 2012 at 8:15 am
Another vote for the B-man interviewing the B-man. It would be epic and totally original. And he could do a vlog of it and it could go viral on youtube and we all know that’s the only reason we exist on this planet…to hit the big time on youtube.
July 9, 2012 at 5:02 am
Why didn’t you ever tell me you wanted a talking dolphin?! I’m on it. And I’m with Angie, I want to see the interview with yourself! Then again, my house isn’t on the line. (That caption KILLED me!)
How you manage to make a hilarious post while claiming not to have any ideas for one is really some kind of magic.
Happy Birthday, B!!! Hope you’ve got a fan-dab-a-dozy day planned. (If no one’s around during the day, you didn’t hear this from me, but “Ted” is actually pretty funny. Especially with a flask.)
July 9, 2012 at 9:19 am
Well, so far, you’re in the lead for making my birthday great.
And I kind of want to see Ted, but I also kind of want to see it in another town, so no one sees me going in.
July 9, 2012 at 5:15 am
Happy birthday! Can I steal, um, borrow your ideas?
July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Sure. Just don’t forget which day if you have to use the OJ one.
July 9, 2012 at 5:40 am
Happy Birthday! I too would like to see that interview. Other than that stick your face in cake and don’t surface until it is gone.
July 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Like that scene in Scarface, but instead of cocaine, German Chocolate Cake.
July 11, 2012 at 6:26 am
Yes, brilliant!
July 9, 2012 at 5:48 am
Happy Happy Birthday! I love birthdays. This is my favorite birthday idea…
Treat yo self!
July 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Done and done.
July 9, 2012 at 6:03 am
Oh yes. The difficult decision of whether to broadcast one’s birthday and wonder whether people are only responding to your blatant need to be noticed, not you you per se, or say nothing and birthday alone. It’s a toughie and I’ve done both. Happy birthday.
July 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm
If someone ever finds a dignified middle ground, they could sell the secret and make a mint.
July 9, 2012 at 6:16 am
I always do a jig for Rob and the boys when we celebrate their birthday. While doing the jig I am moving my arms like I just don’t care and singing, “It’s your birthday! It’s your birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday!” They typically walk away from me while I am still dancing. If you did the same, don’t worry. I’ll remain dancing and singing. It’s just the way I am.
Happy birthday, Byronic!!
July 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I wouldn’t dream of walking away! I will stand there, with a smile frozen on my face, not blinking, and saying, “um… thanks…”
July 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Still dancing here! My kids gave up on me and went to bed, and my husband is doing his best to ignore me.
July 9, 2012 at 6:46 am
Happy Birthday!
“Invite subscribers to big party at my house.” Well, thanks for the invite. I’m on the way. Just so you know I like my cake chocolate and my beer cold.
See you soon.
July 9, 2012 at 7:18 am
Wait – did the neighbors’ fireworks spare his house? Maybe we should find out first – he may put us to work (shudder)…
July 9, 2012 at 11:48 am
He is so sneaky like that. I wouldn’t put it past him. Even on his birthday.
July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Work? Me? Why, I’m just having a good time fixing this hole in the roof! It isn’t every day that a fella gets to fix a hole in the roof. Mighty fine time.
And later, me and Huck and Becky are a-goin’ to the cave to look for treasure!
July 9, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Ha! I was on to you! I once got roped into painting our friends’ basement while attending a birthday get-together.
July 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Chocolate. Cold. Got it. When you get here, just come on in. If people start shrieking “Who are you? What are you doing in here?” that means you’ve got the right house. Just start partying.
July 9, 2012 at 6:46 am
Happy Birthday! Have a blast…
July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Will do. Thanks!
July 9, 2012 at 6:59 am
hApPy BiRtHdAy ByRoNiC mAn! Woohooooooooo!
Eat some cake for me and make sure it is chocolate. I’ll be over soon to have a champagne toast with you, pick up my slap bracelet and DVD.
Make sure you do at least one thing I wouldn’t do!
July 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Hm, I just got back from kayaking, but I’m pretty sure that’s something you’d do… I’ll keep trying.
July 9, 2012 at 8:05 am
Happy Birthday!
July 10, 2012 at 10:41 am
Thanks – and thanks for coming by!
July 9, 2012 at 8:45 am
Happy Birthday!!! I hope you have a great one!
Even though I’m kinda mad.
Because I don’t think there’s much of a refund policy on the talking dolphin I picked up for you.
Seriously… I had to trade in my hoverbike for that silly thing.
July 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Maybe the dolphin can get a job? Earn his keep? If he can talk, he can work the drive-through, right?
July 9, 2012 at 9:14 am
Happy birthday, Byronic!! So in addition to the brilliant means of letting us all know it’s your birthday, are there any epic celebration plans?
July 10, 2012 at 10:40 am
Kayaking, followed by dinner at a great restaurant. Not as debauched as it might have been at one point, but pretty damn good.
July 9, 2012 at 9:25 am
What you came up with is fab. Love the captions. Best wishes for a wonderful birthday!
July 10, 2012 at 10:44 am
Thanks – it’s funny because (as you can probably tell), I just had nothing. I thought “Oh, I’ll do some fun little thing for my birthday” and then stared at the screen, getting more tired and more frustrated until I was mocking my own ideas and *presto* a mediocre post was born.
July 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm
No, brilliant!! It was fun to read. Personally, I always get weird about my own birthday. Do I mention it? Do I celebrate it for myself? Will someone else organize something? Blah blah blah. Anyway, well done!
July 9, 2012 at 9:50 am
Well, I’m sure you would be super pleased to know that not only is it your birthday, but today just happens to be my 11th year anniversary of working at this same crappy job! I’m sure that my ever-considerate co-workers are planning a big celebration for me with cake and margaritas later today. Completely and totally sure of it. So, you know, if you’re bored later, why don’t you stop on in to celebrate my big day! Since you probably don’t have anything else going on today, that is.
Oh, and happy birthday to you as well. I guess. I mean, not as exciting as MY thing, but I guess you can celebrate in your own little way. 😉
July 10, 2012 at 10:46 am
11 years at a crappy job – hm, 10 years is “copper,” I think 11 years is “tequila”?
July 9, 2012 at 10:02 am
The Birthday Song is the worst song ever. Horrible. I hate it. Why is it that NO TWO PEOPLE can ever sing it in the same key despite the ensemble nature inherent to the cause of said singing? Sports fans do the National Anthem better in the collective than people at birthday parties do the Birthday Song.
I prefer Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday,” myself.
July 10, 2012 at 11:10 am
I think the variable is the degree to which people hate singing the song. Maybe it affects pitch, volume, tone and modulation. We can’t help but communicate our disdain of the song.
July 9, 2012 at 10:15 am
another idea: eat an obscene amount of cake (or is that already a given?) have a great one! 🙂
July 10, 2012 at 11:11 am
The write a post about my indigestion! Excellent.
July 9, 2012 at 10:17 am
Happy Birthday! And cake… cake IS good!
July 10, 2012 at 10:39 am
It’s like a very simple poem:
Cake
is good.
Also, cheese.
July 9, 2012 at 10:21 am
Happy Birthday B-Man! I’m guessing your wife is already all over the cake and hey, if you want fireworks, your neighbors probably still have some sitting around…
My birthday is at the beginning of March. Since February is a short month, I usually start dropping birthday hints around Valentine’s Day. (Sadly my sister usually still forgets.) Oh, well, I’m kinda past the point of wanting to celebrate anyway. Except for the cake, duh. There are very few good reasons to turn down cake!
July 10, 2012 at 10:38 am
Yeah, it does get less momentous when it’s one in a long, long, looooong string of them. Still has more pluses than minuses, though.
July 9, 2012 at 10:36 am
Many happy returns.
What does that mean, exactly? That you’re supposed to be giddy when exchanging the Tom Hanks T-shirt you get today for that hoverbike?
July 10, 2012 at 10:36 am
I’ve always wondered about that phrase, too. Is it a tennis thing?
July 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Happy Birthday, Sir. Hope it is as wacky and wonderful as you.
July 10, 2012 at 10:36 am
Thanks! What a nice thing to say. I think. Wacky is good, right?
July 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm
You should save this post for when it’s your birthday…
July 10, 2012 at 10:37 am
Well, now it’s the 10th, so I’ve got 364 days to go…
July 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Many happy returns!
July 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm
So when your birthday comes around for real, you can do shots, 20 questions and play this:
July 10, 2012 at 10:35 am
I knew there had to be a birthday song out there that was worthwhile!
July 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I knew only Mr. Hendrix would do for you.
July 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm
It’s also Annie’s birthday. Happy Birthday to you and Tom and the rest of the gang.
July 10, 2012 at 10:34 am
Wait, which Annie? Bolyn? Oakley? Lil Orphan?
I tried to look it up – didn’t find it, but did discover that it’s Jack White’s birthday. Cool.
July 10, 2012 at 10:37 am
My daughter, I can’t believe that wasn’t trending on Google? weird.
July 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm
I hope the remainder of your birthday is happy indeed! 🙂
July 10, 2012 at 10:32 am
There was even a short rain storm that cut through the heat. It was a good day, indeed.
July 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Merry new year Byronic Man!
July 10, 2012 at 10:31 am
See, I KNEW someone would agree with me that the calendar should be based around my birthday!
July 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm
So, “You’re Having a Birthday!” OK, it’s plagiarism, but it’s still a great tune.
July 10, 2012 at 10:32 am
There’s not a wide selection of great birthday songs, is there.
July 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Happy Birthday, Bryonic! Since I share my birthday with Bobby Goldsboro, I will give you this song. It’s a good song, but I hope you’re not crying like the little clown. I think of you as more the happy clown. Squirtin’ folks.
July 10, 2012 at 10:30 am
I’m the “crying on the inside” type, in but inside that, there’s more laughing.
July 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Its not just your B-Day, its like “cool dude” day! Tom is way quoteable, & Jimmy is just hot. Hope you get lots of cake & ice cream !!!!! (after wife & baby B)
My excuse for being a flake is Depak Chopra was born on mine & must’ve been given all the philosophical-ness alotted for that day, ever….proof – one of the Hanson bros. also same day.
July 10, 2012 at 10:29 am
I wound up have a dessert called “S’mocha s’more cake” with a small glass of port to go with it. As you can imagine, it was very light and healthy.
July 10, 2012 at 11:43 am
yum ! …..ever consider posting recipes ????
July 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm
I’d be ashamed – my wife is an exceptional cook, and should definitely start a food blog. My recipes would consist of asking what she did.
July 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Wow…I don’t have a huge anything to give you, but I was just going to say Happy Birthday. Then I began scrolling down your list of “friends” and decided just saying Happy Birthday wouldn’t cut it. But then I didn’t care. So Happy Birthday. I love your blog and if I had a singing dolphin I would send it to you. Well…I’d prob. just send you a video of it singing, I mean come on…it’s a singing dolphin.
July 10, 2012 at 10:28 am
Nah, no competitive birthday-wishing necessary. Thanks for thinking of me, though.
July 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Happy belated birthday Byro! I’m 27 freaking minutes late. I hope you have blown out your candles by now. You are so blogtastic! Just think: next year at this time you’ll have a baby Byro to hold on your birthday! Having a b’day in July is hawt. Unless you live in New Zealand. 😉
July 10, 2012 at 10:25 am
That’s okay – since I’m on the west coast the time stamp says 9:27. Everything’s cool. And I’d love to say I was just getting warmed up on the birthday celebrations when you posted, but that might be a *bit* of an exaggeration.
July 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm
Happy B-day Mr. B.
My gift to you: postbaby-blog advice: Consider Haiku. 17 syllables. Pacific Rim simplicity.
July 10, 2012 at 10:26 am
Good advice. Maybe I’ll start tweeting instead.
July 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Shoot, it’s someone’s birthday today, but I’m so old I can’t remember who’s it is. Darn it!
Well, good post any way, whatever the subject was.
July 10, 2012 at 10:22 am
Wha? Who posted? Oh, you wrote a post? It was hilarious!
July 10, 2012 at 1:41 am
Happy birthday Byronic!!
July 10, 2012 at 10:23 am
Thanks. It was a fun day.
July 12, 2012 at 9:32 am
CAKE?! Surely you jest.
🙂 Happy belated.
July 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Hey, you have the same birthday as my Mom. Hope you celebrated yours in style.
July 27, 2012 at 6:11 am
Missed your bday? Happy Belated!! 🙂