Another Option: Write Own “Birthday Song,” Make Fortune

July 9, 2012

Humor

Brainstorm list for post to put up on my birthday:

Have a contest.  Note: be sure you plan ahead, because if you’re trying to think of a contest the night before your birthday that won’t work out.

Make a list of great birthday parties throughout history.  Don’t scientists think it was a birthday party gone out of control that killed off the dinosaurs?  I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.

“What happened?!” “I don’t know! He was just laughing at a joke he made to his own question in his own interview with himself and, and… the room just collapsed in on itself!”

Do 20 Questions interview with myself.  Hm, using my blog to publish my interview with myself.  Some element of risk there that I might implode under the weight of self-indulgence.

Do a giveaway.  Not sure what to give away, though.  Jules did slap bracelets… I could give away… erm… let’s see… I could give away… slap… bracelets… shoot!  What do I have around the house? Pens.  Coffee cups that don’t match.  Some DVD’s.  “It’s the big Byronic Man Quilted Sheet Giveaway!”  Yeah, okay, maybe hold off on the giveaway.

Talk about how Tom Hanks and Jimmy Smits have the same birthday as me.  It’s my ‘in’ if I’m ever trying to strike up a conversation.

Talk about how it’s also Courtney Love’s and OJ Simpson’s birthday.  It’s my ‘out’ if I’m ever trying to convince them not to kill me.

Invite subscribers to big party at my house.  Spend the day decorating and setting out a big spread, then feel sorry for myself when no one shows.

Make list of things I’d like for my birthday.  Note to self: be sure to list thing like peace and understanding, not the hoverbike and the talking dolphin.

Compare and contrast the years when I told everyone to ignore my birthday and moped, versus the years when I promoted my birthday like the Olympics and pretended it was “ironic.”

Yeah, yeah, happy birthday, kid. Everyone give me 3 dollars. What? You sang my song – everyone who sang owes me 3 bucks or my lawyers will be on you like varnish.

Discuss “the birthday song” and the fact that it is an actual written song for which someone made a lot of money.  Contemplate possibility that world is insane.

Write sincere, drawn-out treatise on how much my readers are valued, and that I don’t get to their blogs half as much as I’d like, and it pains me.  Then have pictures of cats with funny captions.

Write about cake.  And how it’s good.

Make brainstorm list in thinly-veiled attempt to draw attention to it being my birthday.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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110 Comments on “Another Option: Write Own “Birthday Song,” Make Fortune”

  1. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    Happy Birthday – read on Jules blog that it is your big day. You have single-handedly described what birthdays are all about – love your blog and hope your cake does taste good and that you get your hoverbike.

    Reply

  2. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Happy Birthday! Best wishes for a day of celebrations and a year of joy. FYI: 7/9 is also the 190th day of the year.

    Reply

  3. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Happy birthday, B-man! I would love a quilted sheet. And a post about cake. Because it’s all about me, right?

    That is great you share yours with Tom “there’s no crying in baseball!” Hanks. Lucky you. I share mine with Bob Newhart, king of deadpan humor. Explains a lot about me. (damn, there I go again talking about me. It’s about you. Happy birthday. Hope your talking dolphin dreams come true. Oh and you’re another older and closer to death. Congrats.)

    Reply

  4. Eireen Says:

    HB! Instead of you giving away a giveaway to your readers, you could do it the other way around! I.e. we readers send you presents if we believe you have written a funny or interesting or useful post! For instance I have a porcelain set of dishes that I got as a wedding present that might be good for this purpose. What do you think? Cheers E.

    Reply

  5. k8edid Says:

    Oh, I’d love a quilted sheet – or even a new coffee mug. I would have written a birthday poem, but I need coffee and about a week’s lead time – for future reference. Let me work on that.

    That hoverbike?
    Not gonna happen.
    So get some bracelets
    and get to slappin’

    Hope the cake is good
    the beer is cold
    Never mind that you’re
    Getting old.

    That’s all I got. Need caffeine. Happy birthday. Hope it’s great.

    Reply

  6. 1pointperspective Says:

    Here’s an idea for next year’s birthday celebration: take the day off. Sit on your butt and don’t post anything whatsoever. This will serve two purposes,
    1). your REAL followers will wish you a happy birthday (because we’ve noted it in our smart phones – not because we’ve actually remembered it)
    2). the rest of us will have a guaranteed day to post when we won’t be shown up by your wit, writing skill and oh yeah, it’s your birthday too.

    Have a happy one, in any case.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Very kindly put. I thought about not posting, but then having something to post about seemed like an opportunity not to be missed. In a few days when I’m punching my temples saying “THINK. THINK.” I’d be mad that I’d missed a freebie.

      Reply

  7. Misirlou Says:

    Happy birthday!

    Reply

  8. Misirlou Says:

    Happy birthday!

    One of my favorite tunes. Old school to be sure, but nice– for your birthday

    Reply

  9. Angie Z. Says:

    Wait, you lost me on the shameless self-interview thing…so that’s a bad thing? I would love to see you play your own 20 Questions game.

    Happy birthday! Does that make you a…Gemini? Cancer? Because I always like to get people personalized zodiac profiles for their birthday — matted and framed of course to make it look even more classy.

    Reply

    • Lenore Diane Says:

      Yes… Hey Byronic! Let’s play 20 Questions!! (Dooooo it!)

      Reply

      • Angie Z. Says:

        Dude, you and JP totally tied in my Dynomite! contest. Exact same amount of votes. Exactly! That never, ever happens. Did you know this? I’m thinking on how to handle this now…let’s see, which one of you will use your power for good and not evil, that’s the bigger question.

        Hijacking a post on Byronic Man’s birthday? No, I don’t think it’s beneath me.

        Reply

        • Lenore Diane Says:

          Sounds like a run-off is in order!!! Or, since we are hijacking Byronic’s post, we could have him make the final decision. Provided he picks me, of course.

          Reply

      • The Byronic Man Says:

        Jeez, if people think it’s a good idea… maybe it’ll impress upon me that the questions are too hard, or boring or something.

        Reply

    • She's a Maineiac Says:

      Another vote for the B-man interviewing the B-man. It would be epic and totally original. And he could do a vlog of it and it could go viral on youtube and we all know that’s the only reason we exist on this planet…to hit the big time on youtube.

      Reply

  10. Go Jules Go Says:

    Why didn’t you ever tell me you wanted a talking dolphin?! I’m on it. And I’m with Angie, I want to see the interview with yourself! Then again, my house isn’t on the line. (That caption KILLED me!)

    How you manage to make a hilarious post while claiming not to have any ideas for one is really some kind of magic.

    Happy Birthday, B!!! Hope you’ve got a fan-dab-a-dozy day planned. (If no one’s around during the day, you didn’t hear this from me, but “Ted” is actually pretty funny. Especially with a flask.)

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Well, so far, you’re in the lead for making my birthday great.

      And I kind of want to see Ted, but I also kind of want to see it in another town, so no one sees me going in.

      Reply

  11. Lydia Street Says:

    Happy birthday! Can I steal, um, borrow your ideas?

    Reply

  12. Michelle Gillies Says:

    Happy Birthday! I too would like to see that interview. Other than that stick your face in cake and don’t surface until it is gone.

    Reply

  13. A Broad at Home Says:

    Happy Happy Birthday! I love birthdays. This is my favorite birthday idea…

    Treat yo self!

    Reply

  14. The World Is My Cuttlefish Says:

    Oh yes. The difficult decision of whether to broadcast one’s birthday and wonder whether people are only responding to your blatant need to be noticed, not you you per se, or say nothing and birthday alone. It’s a toughie and I’ve done both. Happy birthday.

    Reply

  15. Lenore Diane Says:

    I always do a jig for Rob and the boys when we celebrate their birthday. While doing the jig I am moving my arms like I just don’t care and singing, “It’s your birthday! It’s your birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday!” They typically walk away from me while I am still dancing. If you did the same, don’t worry. I’ll remain dancing and singing. It’s just the way I am.

    Happy birthday, Byronic!!

    Reply

  16. Jackie Cangro Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    “Invite subscribers to big party at my house.” Well, thanks for the invite. I’m on the way. Just so you know I like my cake chocolate and my beer cold.

    See you soon.

    Reply

    • k8edid Says:

      Wait – did the neighbors’ fireworks spare his house? Maybe we should find out first – he may put us to work (shudder)…

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Chocolate. Cold. Got it. When you get here, just come on in. If people start shrieking “Who are you? What are you doing in here?” that means you’ve got the right house. Just start partying.

      Reply

  17. mrubru Says:

    Happy Birthday! Have a blast…

    Reply

  18. susielindau Says:

    hApPy BiRtHdAy ByRoNiC mAn! Woohooooooooo!
    Eat some cake for me and make sure it is chocolate. I’ll be over soon to have a champagne toast with you, pick up my slap bracelet and DVD.
    Make sure you do at least one thing I wouldn’t do!

    Reply

  19. spilledinkguy Says:

    Happy Birthday!!! I hope you have a great one!
    Even though I’m kinda mad.
    Because I don’t think there’s much of a refund policy on the talking dolphin I picked up for you.
    Seriously… I had to trade in my hoverbike for that silly thing.

    Reply

  20. Audrey Says:

    Happy birthday, Byronic!! So in addition to the brilliant means of letting us all know it’s your birthday, are there any epic celebration plans?

    Reply

  21. The Bumble Files Says:

    What you came up with is fab. Love the captions. Best wishes for a wonderful birthday!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Thanks – it’s funny because (as you can probably tell), I just had nothing. I thought “Oh, I’ll do some fun little thing for my birthday” and then stared at the screen, getting more tired and more frustrated until I was mocking my own ideas and *presto* a mediocre post was born.

      Reply

      • The Bumble Files Says:

        No, brilliant!! It was fun to read. Personally, I always get weird about my own birthday. Do I mention it? Do I celebrate it for myself? Will someone else organize something? Blah blah blah. Anyway, well done!

        Reply

  22. Misty Says:

    Well, I’m sure you would be super pleased to know that not only is it your birthday, but today just happens to be my 11th year anniversary of working at this same crappy job! I’m sure that my ever-considerate co-workers are planning a big celebration for me with cake and margaritas later today. Completely and totally sure of it. So, you know, if you’re bored later, why don’t you stop on in to celebrate my big day! Since you probably don’t have anything else going on today, that is.

    Oh, and happy birthday to you as well. I guess. I mean, not as exciting as MY thing, but I guess you can celebrate in your own little way. 😉

    Reply

  23. thesinglecell Says:

    The Birthday Song is the worst song ever. Horrible. I hate it. Why is it that NO TWO PEOPLE can ever sing it in the same key despite the ensemble nature inherent to the cause of said singing? Sports fans do the National Anthem better in the collective than people at birthday parties do the Birthday Song.

    I prefer Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday,” myself.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I think the variable is the degree to which people hate singing the song. Maybe it affects pitch, volume, tone and modulation. We can’t help but communicate our disdain of the song.

      Reply

  24. the home tome Says:

    another idea: eat an obscene amount of cake (or is that already a given?) have a great one! 🙂

    Reply

  25. musingsoftheamusingmuse Says:

    Happy Birthday! And cake… cake IS good!

    Reply

  26. Love & Lunchmeat Says:

    Happy Birthday B-Man! I’m guessing your wife is already all over the cake and hey, if you want fireworks, your neighbors probably still have some sitting around…

    My birthday is at the beginning of March. Since February is a short month, I usually start dropping birthday hints around Valentine’s Day. (Sadly my sister usually still forgets.) Oh, well, I’m kinda past the point of wanting to celebrate anyway. Except for the cake, duh. There are very few good reasons to turn down cake!

    Reply

  27. Sandy Sue Says:

    Many happy returns.
    What does that mean, exactly? That you’re supposed to be giddy when exchanging the Tom Hanks T-shirt you get today for that hoverbike?

    Reply

  28. Life in the Boomer Lane Says:

    Happy Birthday, Sir. Hope it is as wacky and wonderful as you.

    Reply

  29. every record tells a story Says:

    You should save this post for when it’s your birthday…

    Reply

  30. Valentine Logar Says:

    So when your birthday comes around for real, you can do shots, 20 questions and play this:

    Reply

  31. Maggie O'C Says:

    It’s also Annie’s birthday. Happy Birthday to you and Tom and the rest of the gang.

    Reply

  32. Deborah the Closet Monster Says:

    I hope the remainder of your birthday is happy indeed! 🙂

    Reply

  33. Ape No. 1 Says:

    Merry new year Byronic Man!

    Reply

  34. earthriderjudyberman Says:

    So, “You’re Having a Birthday!” OK, it’s plagiarism, but it’s still a great tune.

    Reply

  35. Elyse Says:

    Happy Birthday, Bryonic! Since I share my birthday with Bobby Goldsboro, I will give you this song. It’s a good song, but I hope you’re not crying like the little clown. I think of you as more the happy clown. Squirtin’ folks.

    Reply

  36. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    Its not just your B-Day, its like “cool dude” day! Tom is way quoteable, & Jimmy is just hot. Hope you get lots of cake & ice cream !!!!! (after wife & baby B)

    My excuse for being a flake is Depak Chopra was born on mine & must’ve been given all the philosophical-ness alotted for that day, ever….proof – one of the Hanson bros. also same day.

    Reply

  37. Side Yard Flock Says:

    Wow…I don’t have a huge anything to give you, but I was just going to say Happy Birthday. Then I began scrolling down your list of “friends” and decided just saying Happy Birthday wouldn’t cut it. But then I didn’t care. So Happy Birthday. I love your blog and if I had a singing dolphin I would send it to you. Well…I’d prob. just send you a video of it singing, I mean come on…it’s a singing dolphin.

    Reply

  38. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Happy belated birthday Byro! I’m 27 freaking minutes late. I hope you have blown out your candles by now. You are so blogtastic! Just think: next year at this time you’ll have a baby Byro to hold on your birthday! Having a b’day in July is hawt. Unless you live in New Zealand. 😉

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That’s okay – since I’m on the west coast the time stamp says 9:27. Everything’s cool. And I’d love to say I was just getting warmed up on the birthday celebrations when you posted, but that might be a *bit* of an exaggeration.

      Reply

  39. Rambling Jill Says:

    Happy B-day Mr. B.

    My gift to you: postbaby-blog advice: Consider Haiku. 17 syllables. Pacific Rim simplicity.

    Reply

  40. mj monaghan Says:

    Shoot, it’s someone’s birthday today, but I’m so old I can’t remember who’s it is. Darn it!

    Well, good post any way, whatever the subject was.

    Reply

  41. Rinth Says:

    Happy birthday Byronic!!

    Reply

  42. Erynn Elizabeth Says:

    CAKE?! Surely you jest.
    🙂 Happy belated.

    Reply

  43. funnyphuppo Says:

    Hey, you have the same birthday as my Mom. Hope you celebrated yours in style.

    Reply

  44. Anastasia Says:

    Missed your bday? Happy Belated!! 🙂

    Reply

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