What’s Hot & What’s Not For Summer

June 21, 2012

Humor

Most popular cocktails for summer

  1. Mojito
  2. Cosmopolitan
  3. Margarita

Mmmm… just the thing after working up a sweat in the summer sun.

Least popular cocktails for summer

  1. Brocco-tini
  2. Beef Nog
  3. Listerine & Tonic

Most popular ice cream flavors

  1. Vanilla
  2. Chocolate
  3. Butter Pecan

Least popular ice cream flavors

  1. Chutney Fudge Swirl
  2. Uncooked Pork Explosion
  3. Ben & Jerry’s “Does This Smell Like It’s Gone Bad To You?”

Most popular family vacation destinations

  1. Atlantis Casino & Resort
  2. Tanque Verde Ranch
  3. Circus Circus

Least popular family vacation destinations

  1. Sh, sh, sh! Okay, ready? 1… 2… 3… HEY, DAD! TIME TO WAKE UP!!”

    Sleep Deprivationarium

  2. Extreme Peaks Catwalk and Surprise Bungee-Jumping Wonderland
  3. Meth Addict Fantasy Camp

Most popular Summer Olympic Sports

  1. Volleyball
  2. Men’s 100 Meter
  3. Women’s Gymnastics

Least popular Summer Olympic Sports

  1. Men’s Distance Urination
  2. Endurance Complaining
  3. Javelin Catching

Most popular colognes

  1. CK One Summer
  2. Cool Water
  3. Burberry Touch

Set yourself apart from the crowd, with our distinctive blended aroma of sweat, bleach and shame.

Least popular colognes

  1. Drakkar High School Locker Room
  2. Polo Apathy & Failure
  3. Calvin Klein’s Bathmat That’s Never Been Laundered
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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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62 Comments on “What’s Hot & What’s Not For Summer”

  1. Renee B-W Says:

    Dammit. Wonder if I can get a refund on the family pass to meth addicts fantasy camp…

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Oh, you don’t want to know what you have to do to get that money…

      Reply

      • Renee B-W Says:

        I think you’re wrong about the brocco-tini though. I guess only time will tell.

        BTW, I am a new follower and am very impressed at your dedication to replying to reader comments. It makes us feel all warm and squishy and special 🙂 (I’m starting my MA next year, with an intended thesis topic looking at the art of blogging, so you may get a begging email from me at some point, in relation to my research. Just a forewarning!)

        Reply

  2. ghfool Says:

    I had a “Beergarita” the other day. It was OUTSTANDING! Half frozen margarita, half Dos Equis beer…all in the same glass. Highly recommend!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Are you sure the bartender wasn’t just running out of tequila? “Uh… this is called a… beer… garita. Very popular with… the royal family.”

      I’ll try it, though. I do love a good margarita.

      Reply

  3. Saara Says:

    Why do you get to be so funny? It’s not fair.

    Reply

  4. crying in the bathroom Says:

    Endurance complaining has a year round fixture in Australia. It’s a national past time.

    Reply

  5. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    love your sense of humour – this was the result of your sense of humour–right? although I think there may really be some of those ice cream flavours and colognes! thanks for the lol

    Reply

  6. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Dear Sir after carefully reading your article i have come to conclusion( not a regular thing) that you have taken money to defame top brands of Cologne’s,vacation spots and drinks…
    just wanted you to know that i know …

    Reply

  7. Valentine Logar Says:

    I thought one of the best summer sports was manscaping and wiggle spotting (not to be confused with jiggle spotting).

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I don’t want to know what Wiggle Spotting is, do I…

      Reply

    • Paul G. Eberlein Says:

      Don’t worry! “Jiggle spotting” has to do with what’s top-side, while “wiggle spotting” has to do with what’s bottom-side. As for “Manscaping,” I must confess ignorance and leave that one to Val for an explanation.

      Reply

  8. Go Jules Go Says:

    Ha ha ha… This REALLY, really tickled my funny bone, B-Man. Especially the javelin catching.

    And the rest of it.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Yeah, but which parts of the rest of it? I need extensive, specific, and constant validation.

      Hey, that should be an Olympic event: Insecurity.

      Reply

      • Go Jules Go Says:

        You keep giving me amazing ideas for posts. I can repay you in a detailed, glowing review of this post. (The Ben & Jerry’s one is another stand out without me even having to reread the list.)

        P.S. – You have 2 hrs and 37 min to ask me the most amazing question of all time! No pressure to enter; it’s just that baby Jesus and I will cry if you ask something later in the day and we have to tell you you’re disqualified.

        Reply

  9. the home tome Says:

    Don’t be jealous: I just scored two tickets to the javelin catching event.

    Reply

  10. sextails Says:

    Brilliant, didnt stop laughing. Which Supermarkets are stocking, “does this smell like its gone bad to you?” would loooove to try some 😉 haha.

    Reply

  11. Sandy Sue Says:

    I hear Ben & Jerry’s has a new “Keith Richards Walnut” coming out soon.

    Reply

  12. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Oooh! A Listerini! Lol! Great, fun post!

    Reply

  13. Marie Says:

    I had this drink – Especial de la casa – in Cabo. The glass was aquarium sized and for decoration it had an upside down bottle of Corona. It was kind of like a ceaser on steroids with half a cup full of clams. The drink that eats like a meal. Before you’re done with it you’ll go through all stages of 1. sober 2. tipsy 3. drunk 4. can’t take it anymore 5. hungover And then they ask if you want another. And you say “Claro que si!”

    Reply

  14. Tori Nelson Says:

    I’m pretty sure the Meth Addict Fantasy Camp is next door. If you can get past the chemical smell and the burning nose hairs, I hear it’s a pretty awesome trip 🙂

    Reply

  15. carolofthebells Says:

    …scratches “Axe body spray” off the stocking stuffer list…but he’s also ruined Drakkar for me– and only God’s wallet can touch Burberry… now what?

    Reply

  16. Sarah S. Says:

    Don’t knock Sleep Deprivationarium; it can be a very amusing destination!

    Thanks for the chuckle and the reminder of those yummy colognes from the ’90s. 🙂

    Reply

  17. Audrey Says:

    Who needs a subscription to Cosmo when we have you to tell us what’s trendy!

    Reply

  18. spilledinkguy Says:

    One of my favorite lines from the ‘Miami Vice’ movie is,
    ‘I’m a fiend for Brocco-tini…’

    Reply

  19. Food Stories Says:

    Very Cute 🙂

    Reply

  20. sunkissedreformer Says:

    Hey now…I happen to be one of many fans that tunes in to the Men’s Distance Urination. It’s widely accepted as a means to peace and equality. We will soon participate in social and economic alliances with Iran at this rate. It’s going to be Legen—–wait for it——-dary.

    Reply

  21. Life With The Top Down Says:

    1985 Drakkar…wow did I have a crush on that scent. Whew, I’m so glad my taste in cologne advanced…along with the men who wear it.

    Reply

  22. Jackie Cangro Says:

    Polo Apathy and Failure is a staple fragrance in my office. After a while you get desensitized and really can’t smell it anymore.

    Reply

  23. skippingstones Says:

    That’s too bad…I’ve gotten so good at Endurance Complaining. Just when you master a sport, they take it off the program.

    Reply

  24. sj Says:

    Hee, Surprise Bungee Jumping.

    I can’t let anyone in my house read this. It might give them ideas. >.<

    Reply

  25. Rawful News Says:

    You’re telling me that endurance complaining is NOT a favorite olympic sport? My world is shattered. http://rawfulnews.com/

    Reply

  26. Maggie O'C Says:

    Uncooked Pork Explosion
    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Reply

  27. Rustic Recluse Says:

    oh boy Beefnog? Listerine and Tonic? I’m gonna sign some folks up for Javelin Catching right away … 😉

    Reply

  28. Blogdramedy Says:

    As usual you have your finger on the pulse of what’s hot and what’s not. I wish I had read this post sooner as I now have an ice cream eating-related javelin injury that will require me to wear a pith helmet for the next six weeks. 🙂

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Okay, now missy… what’s the story? Are you no longer blogging? Your avatar has no link, and I check in every few days and nothing.

      Reply

      • Blogdramedy Says:

        What?! Well, I fixed that. So there. I’m still blogging but it’s a kind of invisible blogging. *wink* Back home and in the midst of some home renovations so that’s keeping me busy. Plus, I’m out of vodka and I can tell you…THAT is really the reason why I’m not blogging. Plus after being in Georgia for months, it’s freaking cold and I’m not happy. I’ll be back…soon.

        Reply

  29. mommahasapottymouth Says:

    In my house, Mens Distance Urination is a must do event!! Lol thank you for sharing this!!

    Reply

  30. Curly Carly Says:

    Oh good, I’ll never want ice cream again. Thanks.

    Reply

  31. T.L. Gibson Says:

    Reblogged this on My Lovely Little Spot and commented:
    I liked this so much that I had to reboot it!

    Reply

  32. the usual bliss Says:

    You had me at Beef Nog.

    Reply

  33. Val Says:

    Javelin Catching… I’d watch that!
    Very funny 🙂

    Reply

  34. becomingcliche Says:

    Men’s distance urination may not be popular, but I come from a house with two boys, and we spend a great deal of time outdoors in the summer. Rest assured that it’s a VERY popular sport at the junior level.

    Reply

  35. Meredith Says:

    Very funny. Correction: B&J’s ne’er goes bad.

    Reply

  36. Meredith Says:

    I’m not sure why my autocorrect changed never to ne’er. I promise I’m not pompous. I also lie sometimes.

    Reply

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