A Letter To The Person Who “Followed” Me

June 20, 2012

Humor

Well, last Thursday I had an older post get Freshly Pressed, which was, of course, fantastic.  I highly recommend it.  For some of you reading today, the post – a parody of a letter to someone who “unfollows” me – that was your first visit here, others not.  Regardless, though, I wanted to take a moment and say hello, express gratitude, et cetera.  In particular, I thought it’d be a good chance to respond to the comments I didn’t have time for.

Don’t be shy about looking in the metaphoric Medicine Cabinet.

If you’re a new subscriber, hi, come on in; get comfortable.  Look around.  There are a lot of interesting people who stop by, so I highly recommend checking them out.  Thanks for subscribing, or at least stopping by again to see if that post was a fluke.  Not to worry – It totally was.  Normally?  Yawnsville.

There were a number of comments that came up again and again, but may not have gotten answered. So:

To the people who wondered if it really bothered me that much that someone un-followed me.

Short answer: No.  Other short answer: Yeah, totally.  Duh.  Long answer:  One morning I got 2 new subscribers, and lost 1, and my thoughts immediately went to the person who’d un-followed, and I thought that was funny, how we do that.  I made a commercial recently, and when the people buying it watched it 16 of them really like it, 1 hated it.  All I could fixate on was “What’s 17’s problem?  He thinks this is easy?”  Is that neurotic?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  But can something that common be an aberrant trait?

To the people who wondered if I was really going to read every comment:

Well, of course.  Even if I didn’t want to I’d think I should at least read something someone took the time to write.  But, also, am I really going to take the time to read a whole bunch of people saying nice things about me?  Why yes, yes I think I can squeeze that in.  That being said…

You know this isn’t really a self-portrait, right? If nothing else, if I had a mustache, it’d be solid-gold Tom Selleck.

To the handful of people who thought I was pompous and pretentious and might not lose followers if I wasn’t so hoity-toity.

Okay.  Fine.  Thanks for saying so.  I do have to wonder… maybe in your hurry to comment you stopped reading after the first paragraph?  Missed the part where it’s parody?  Because the first paragraph is what’s known in the biz as a “set up” for the rest of the piece.   Maybe not!  Maybe you found the part where I contemplate trying to trick FBI agents by wearing a “world’s greatest FBI agent” t-shirt too stuffy.  That’s cool.  I appreciate the feedback.

To the handful of people who told me they loved me. 

I love you, too.  No, not the other people who said it.  Just you.

Lastly, a couple things:

What’s wrong little Spambot? Didn’t you find my post a most highlighted description of the situation? Don’t you think I would boost to the enjoyment of all?

I was surprised how little spam comments I got.  I was kind of looking forward to the sentence mutilations that only a top-notch Spambot can achieve.

I love me some irony, as you’ll find out if you stick around.  So I loved, loved, loved, that I got a substantial number of new followers from a post about losing one.  Nice irony. It also means you can look forward to my upcoming posts entitled “Letter to the $20 Bill I Lost,” “Letter To The Person Who Didn’t Take Me Out To Dinner,” and “Letter To The Person Who Doesn’t Say Nice Things About Me.”

So, anyway, thanks for subscribing, and I look forward to getting to know you.  I promise to try and come visit your site, too.  And to people who’ve been subscribing for a while, I – of course – always appreciate you, and what you make this blog.  And I’m also sorry I haven’t commented on your sites in a week or so.  I think I’m about caught up.

Oh, and to the people at WordPress Headquarters? I’m totally sending you a muffin basket. What a great start to the summer.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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136 Comments on “A Letter To The Person Who “Followed” Me”

  1. Artemis Says:

    I’m a new sub. Hi, hello.

    I know what you mean about that one person, or handful of people. For me it’s always because I instantly go into, ‘Oh no, I annoyed a person I don’t know on the internet’ mode. Some insane part of me wants to get along with everyone no matter what. Derp.

    That’s about it, I guess. Except that I too like irony, so I look forward to reading more. \o/

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      “There are billions of people in the world, many of whom I don’t care for, and one of them doesn’t like me! Why doesn’t this person I don’t know or like like me?”

      Reply

  2. Faithful_Heart Says:

    I followed you only a few days ago (Letter to the Person who Un-followed Me) so reading this latest one makes me feel like it was written for me. I like you. Therefore I like your blogs and your ramblings. A lot. And thanks for taking time to write this blog about me.

    Reply

  3. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Congrats on the Fresh Pressed…well deserved indeed. Do you know how many years I wondered what was up with that 5th dentist who wouldn’t recommend Crest…seriously, I need answers.

    Reply

  4. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Congrats on being squeezed flat. It’s like crack though. Or meth. Or so I’ve been told. *ahem* as far as I’m concerned, you were overdue. Enjoy looking at those stats, that cool spike into the thousands. That stops. But those of us who knew you waaaay back when? We’ll still be here. Probably. 😉

    Reply

  5. Elyse Says:

    Perhaps you can have another series and a new tab. “Letters To” has such a nice ring to it.

    You’re welcome.

    Reply

  6. becomingcliche Says:

    I think your next move should be to send all those $20 bills that you’re about to receive and send them to your faithful fan club who totally gets you.

    Reply

  7. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    hey i always try to make comments which will end up in your spam folder …i dunno it is so racist that they don’t :-\
    I am so looking forward to reading all the letters specially “A letter to the one who read but didnt comment”

    Reply

  8. hazrock Says:

    And what a coincidence! I was going to make some muffins. Blueberry-Orange. 🙂

    Reply

  9. She's a Maineiac Says:

    You write parody? Get out! things are starting to make more sense now…

    Reply

  10. Angie Z. Says:

    I should write a post to the people who “followed” me that says, you won’t find any Dungeons and Dragons tips here. No Saved by the Bell reminiscing either. Sorry if I’ve misled you. Thanks for the idea…and congrats again on being FP!

    Reply

  11. Valentine Logar Says:

    You didn’t receive spam, I am so shocked! I could set up a spambot just for you but it would take a lot of time, maybe I will wait for your series of “Letters to”. Give me a timeframe for when this will be going to press I will make sure I am ready.

    Congrats on being pressed flat, it was completely due!

    Reply

  12. andylogan Says:

    You had me laughing at work yesterday, which is a priceless commodity. ^__^

    Reply

  13. susanwhozan Says:

    Hi..ummm…thank you…I am loving your posts…ty friend 🙂 you convinced me to poke around and dive into the pool and at least tread water….

    Reply

  14. SimplySage Says:

    Well said. I hope you understand my understanding so well your parody that I commented in such manner. 🙂
    Peace,
    Alexandria

    Reply

  15. Eireen Says:

    After this post, I love you even more!

    Reply

  16. Michelle Gillies Says:

    This means, as Byromaniacs our numbers are increasing. Soon we will have control of all that is ironic. (insert evil laugh here)
    Congratulations on the whole freshly pressed thing. It is good to know that it is bestowed upon those who deserve it.

    Reply

  17. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    I do not see myself unsubscribing – you are totally entertaining

    Reply

  18. Go Jules Go Says:

    Wait wait wait. You’re not going to bake the WordPress overlords a pie? Slacker! Oh and congratulations again! I’ll totally be nice to your new fans, even though I will eventually walk past them to the green room with my mustachioed nose high in the air, talking about “the old days, when I could ask Stalin anything.”

    This was a great idea for a post. I noticed some of those comments! I think the same people who say they don’t care at all about not being liked (i.e., followed) are the same people who say they don’t care if anyone reads their blog. Umm… ?

    Reply

  19. Lynn Schneider Says:

    Byronic Man, I am one of your new subscribers, so I guess this post is dedicated to me. Thanks for doing that.

    Reply

  20. 1pointperspective Says:

    The old-timers can take solace in having followed you long before your male-modelling, freshly pressed, pre-kidney bean days.

    You were so innocent back then, so pure of thought. You newbie followers can only wonder what things were like back in the old days before your blog super-stardom.

    Reply

  21. JA Shanks Says:

    “Letter to the Billionaire Supermodel who Wouldn’t Sleep with me and Buy me Stuff”

    (variation of me calling “shotgun”)

    Reply

  22. Cdn Stormlover Says:

    Kudos, high five and chest bump on being Freshly Pressed.
    There you go Byronic, I’ve made a comment. 😉

    Reply

  23. k8edid Says:

    It was well-deserved. Glad you are about caught up.

    Reply

  24. List of X Says:

    Congratulations! I’m sure that the person who unfollowed you is now wishing you two were back together, sending you “I miss your blog so much” text message comments at 3 am.

    Reply

  25. susielindau Says:

    Congrats again!
    You must have gotten several FP’s before this one to be a recommended blogger!
    I should probably do a thank you post too, but since you wrote yours so well, I think I will just copy yours and paste it. I am sure no one will notice…. 🙂

    Reply

  26. Cakes and Shakes... Says:

    **goes off to type hasty, “I lost a follower” post and thereby take over the world!!** 🙂 In my Pollyanna mind, I like to think good writing is rewarded. Probably it’s all just luck though!

    Reply

  27. pinklea Says:

    Um … yes. Well … hi back. I’m one of those new followers and I’m feeling like I just crashed a party where I know nobody. Everybody’s got all these in-jokes and all this history – and I’m not in the loop! Still, just to be contrary, I like your writing and will keep reading and (probably) commenting. Maybe I’ll get used to all of you …

    Reply

  28. crubin Says:

    Getting FP’d is quite a phenomenon, isn’t it? Suddenly, your inbox is collecting emails faster than you can type responses. Glad WordPress recognized your great material. 🙂

    Reply

  29. sj Says:

    Oi, guess I should really check FP occasionally for names I recognize, huh? I guess sometimes great stuff does make it through.

    I think next time you need to go back and insert the names of some of your favourite bloggers into your FP post so that the rest of us can share in your good fortune. 😉

    Reply

  30. pegoleg Says:

    Don’t worry – I’m sure you’ll be getting all sort of spam to boost to the enjoyment very soon.

    Reply

  31. skippingstones Says:

    Hey, congratulations on being Fresh Pressed! I didn’t see that, but then, I never know what’s going on. I’m glad I jumped on the Byromaniac train before we were “Byromaniacs” – at least I can say that!

    I can’t imagine anyone thinking you were pompous or pretentious.

    Reply

  32. Off the Wall Says:

    Oh Mr Byron, your sweet words lure me into such unconsciousness that I dreamed you were Jimmy Fallon and hunched over your desk penning Thank You notes: Thank you (dramatic pause) for unfollowing me so I can add hundreds of new viewers……

    Nicely done!

    Reply

  33. Audrey Says:

    Byronic, congrats on getting Freshly Pressed! How many times is this now? 🙂

    Reply

  34. DiatribesAndOvations.com Says:

    You rock! I still dream of being freshly pressed. But you TOTALLY deserve it!

    Reply

  35. Anne W Says:

    I found you from a WordPress tweet, loved the article (letter to someone who unfollowed) and stayed to browse. I think you’re really funny, so I subscribed. Keep it up.

    Reply

  36. itsamealessio Says:

    I am actually new to WP and your post was the first I’ve read here. I loved it! And scrolling through the comments I was surprised at how much you interact with your readers! That’s dedication.
    I’m one of the new followers and thanks for the post. I’m probably going to read all of your posts in the next days and feel bad that everyone will make fun of me because I’m “one of the new guys”.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      There’s not much hazing around here. Maybe we try to send you on a snipe hunt to Snipe.com, but that takes about 30 seconds, and then you’re back and we all have cake.

      Reply

  37. shermangerherd Says:

    Virtual muffin basket, I hope. They are all on a diet….so, send them to me, please??

    Reply

  38. crying in the bathroom Says:

    Occasionally the freshly pressed page yields some gems, they hide them between cooking blogs for homemade pizzas and photo journals from some twats bicycling trip through Denmark. You sir are a gem.

    Reply

  39. maryita1109 Says:

    C’est moi…I’m a newbie who stumbled across you, after you had been freshly re-pressed. Thank you for valiantly catching me, by the way. Chivalry is alive and well and on WordPress.

    As a novice newbie, I have no clue as to what I’m doing, so please pardon me as I trip and fall on my face…a lot.

    I love your rapier wit and find it very soothing.

    Reply

  40. Deborah the Closet Monster Says:

    I, too, rejoice the irony of this. I’m still debating whether I’m rejoicing the thought of all the letters to come. For now, I’m going to call this a case by case assessment, and just assume (since you’d be the one writing ’em) I’ll enjoy each of ’em. Hypothetical ’em, that is.

    Also, as re: the humor? When I wrote about the power of words in re: race, my very first comment was someone telling me they wouldn’t take to anyone who used a term like “Baby Daddy,” in full or abbreviation. In seriousness or humor, either, apparently. I loved that this comment came in re: the power of words. It’s not always the important ones, or, y’know, the actual content that people are listening for. *shakes head*

    Reply

  41. Maggie O'C Says:

    People didn’t really get pissy with you, did they?

    I think yer cleaver, clever. Cleaver would make people uncomfortable.

    Reply

  42. Erynn Elizabeth Says:

    I was totally hoping this letter was for me when I saw it.
    But then I was like, no…surely he knows I’ve been following him in secret all this time… literally. Like look around…. see that table?! That’s me. Wearing a table suit.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Well, of COURSE it’s for you! But I couldn’t come right out and say it! (Don’t tell the others).

      This also explains the furniture that keeps popping up and then disappearing.

      Reply

  43. mj monaghan Says:

    Great stuff, B!

    Consistently. Drier. Hilariouser. And More Sardonic than before

    Reply

  44. Delicious History Blog Says:

    The Spam Bot was busy over at my place. Sorry bro.

    Again, congrats on being freshly pressed!

    Reply

  45. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    You’re very amusing to read. I was wondering, based on your “To the handful of people who thought I was pompous and pretentious and might not lose followers if I wasn’t so hoity-toity.” comment…are there actually people out there who don’t understand parodies/satires? People who are oblivious to sarcasm and irony? Oh my…I just can’t imagine a world without that kind of humor! 😉

    Reply

  46. mistyslaws Says:

    Congrats on your FP. I keep my fingers crossed that one day I will be bombarded by ridiculous amounts of comments on one of my posts. Then I will have made it! But alas, I don’t believe the WP peeps even know my blog exists.

    I don’t know how many followers I have. I know I can very easily find out, but I like staying in the dark. Because if someone left me, I would definitely cry.

    Reply

  47. Dale Long Says:

    Letter to the person that un-followed me, was my first foray into the wrold that is The Byronic Man. Great post!
    But what actually drew me in was the words Byronic Man. All through high school English they crammed Byron and the heroes fashioned in his style, down our throats. Honestly, I tuned out. BUT, now that I write (that’s ironic right there) and my first book is set partially in Byron’s time, Your title caught my eye.
    The post will keep me reading more.
    So, new subsciber here, not a spambot, glad to meet you.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      It’s a shame how Byron gets taught to high-schoolers. He should be the best possible in-road to classic poetry, but instead he gets presented as this doughy, moon-eyed Wrrrriter of po-ems. “She walks in beauty” is a dark, dark, funny poem, and it gets taught is the equivalent of a bard with a lute singing to his lady love.

      Thanks for reading.

      Reply

  48. onestreetshy Says:

    As one of your many blog admirers, I’ve nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog” award (Like you’d be surprised.) Visit me at http://onestreetshy.com for details. Acceptance involves a bit of work, but please know you’re appreciated for your thoughts and creativity. Have a wonderful day!

    Reply

  49. Kate Says:

    So these people, the ones that took the time to read the whole FP post and then comment at the end that, in effect, they didn’t like you either…were they expecting to like everyone on the internets? I’m wondering how many hours a day they lose in sharing their negative opinion? Do you think they like anything? I haven’t had a comment from them to the effect that I’m lovely and compassionate. I mean I’m cynical and full of derision, but they don’t know that yet…

    Reply

  50. keziahcarrie.com Says:

    One of my favorite Merle Haggard songs has the line, “I’m always on a mountain when I fall.” Those wacky stats and Search Engine Terms found their way into a KeziahCarrie post this week. Such is the insanity. Love your writing. Loved your follow up. Laugh at the days to come. 😀

    Reply

  51. pjsarecomfyn Says:

    I didn’t comment on the Freshly Pressed post because I figured my one super special comment would get lost in a sea of other people….you know those other people who also found you through Freshly Pressed, but what you need to know is I am better than them…okay okay we’re the same. Whatever. Your posts are awesome and I am glad to be a new follower. You amuse me, so if I ever become a dictator I think I will keep you around.

    Reply

  52. Duane Says:

    Wait, what happened? This post is what got me following you in the first place. I am sure there is psychological theories in human behavior which could explain why this happened.

    Reply

  53. whereimstaying Says:

    HAHA. I was one of those who saw that post and started following you. Pretty sure of it.

    Reply

  54. Anarya Andir Says:

    Loved your last post and love this one as well. I’m your follower now (you know, after reading your post about un-following)! 😀

    Reply

  55. Hippie Cahier Says:

    I’ve said this before, but obviously not here:

    I will skim right past all the spam comments that say how great my blog is, etc., deleting them without a second thought, but as soon as I hit one that criticizes my blog, I pause and wonder if it’s really spam and, even if it is, if it’s making a good point. I mean, something in my blog must have triggered the negative spambot, right?

    Human nature is funny. Funny haha and funny interesting.

    I didn’t realize there was a comment protocol in proclaiming one’s love for the blogger, but if it increases a chance of a muffin basket, I love you, too.

    Reply

  56. Food Stories Says:

    What a great follow up to a great post … Glad I found your site & subscribed 🙂

    Reply

  57. montologist Says:

    You are a refreshing writer. Thank you for adding a little silliness and substance to my reading.

    Reply

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