It’s a girl. Kidney Bean, The Byronic Baby, due to become a subscriber in October, is a girl. I am very, very excited. Daddy’s little girl? Damn right.
I wanted to know anyways, but not finding out really wasn’t an option. Mrs. Byronic is not a fan of change, and loves the anticipation of things. She’s let birthday presents sit for 6 weeks after her birthday because she doesn’t want to not have her present any more. So if we waited? In the delivery room she’d have either found out the sex and needed a little while to think about that, or she’d have said, “You know, maybe I’ll wait to find out the gender. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow.”
To be so happy that she ascends to a higher state of being, an enlightened spirit of grace and joy. That’s all I ask.
I think a lot, of course, about Kidney Bean’s life, and what I want for her. I want to guide her, but not pressure her too much. I don’t care if she grows up to be a poet or a captain of industry. All I want is for her to be happy. Which, fortunately, should be easy, because she’s going to be the smartest, funniest, kindest, wisest, coolest, most athletic, richest, most adventurous, most beautiful, most giving person who ever lived… and I’d think you’d be pretty happy in that case.
The technician gave us a copy of the ultrasound picture showing the gender. Going to hang on to that sucker. I’ve got a feeling she’ll really best enjoy that photo if I show it to her and her friends when she’s in junior high.
Could not sleep that night, after finding out. I was pretty sure her gender was going to one of two options and had thought about them both, but actually finding out led to many hours of contemplation and profound excitement.
I may have gained a reprieve from needing to learn how to throw a football well. Seriously, when I throw a football it looks like a bee crawled down my shirt during a sneezing fit. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m triceratops! GRAAAARRRR! Uh-oh, here comes T-Rex! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! ROOOAAARRRR!! GRAAAARRRR!!! RRROOOAAARRR!! — Oh, hi, sweetie. Um, Princess Triceratops is a little busy right now. Can she have tea later?
People keep asking which gender I was hoping for. I truly didn’t care. As long as she is healthy and likes to play with dinosaurs and loves Star Wars? I’m fine.
She’s already quite the kicker. I can work with that. Already got a heavy bag out in the garage. Hone that skill? The person who makes unwanted advances on her’s going to wake up in the hospital with a deviated septum and a limp.
When I was a kid I really wished I’d been born in the Chinese year of the dragon. I didn’t know anything about Chinese astrology, I just liked dragons. Byronic Girl? Year of the dragon. Rebellious, fiery, willful… isn’t there a Year of the Good Girl Who Does Everything Her Dad Says?
Being a perfect parent is a realistic hope, right? Infinite patience and energy and wisdom? Dead-solid balance of freedom and boundaries, guidance and room to discover? That’s doable, isn’t it?
The Byronic Man 
May 15, 2012 at 3:34 am
Woooohoooo!! Congrats! Looking forward to seeing blogs on how the Byronic Man handles parenting 🙂
May 15, 2012 at 6:32 am
With charm, wit and infinite cool, naturally.
Or at least I’ll pretend that’s the case…
May 15, 2012 at 3:39 am
Congratulations! They make toddler Star Wars toys. Start young. Like, maybe now? Play the soundtrack over and over again. They can hear in utero.
May 15, 2012 at 6:32 am
I can sing the theme to her in the womb. “Staarrrr Waaarrrrs, gosh you love Starrrr Warrrs. Let’s go watch Star Warrrs, starting with episode Foooouurrrr…”
May 15, 2012 at 6:33 am
That last part is kind of important. We’ll all pretend Jar-jar never happened.
May 15, 2012 at 7:32 am
I’m hearing Bill Murray at the ski lodge lounge here. But she could do worse than vintage Star Wars and SNL, right? Congrats to the proud dad – of course you’ll be perfect!
May 15, 2012 at 3:49 am
I just read that Chinese people actually arrange to have their children born in the Year of the Dragon..luckiest of all years! That is very exciting. As far as daddy’s little girl goes..she will have you wrapped at first site. My husband and daughter have an amazing relationship and something tells me you will as well. Now the name….that could take awhile.
May 15, 2012 at 6:30 am
Luckiest of all? Great! I was born in the year of the Dog, which may not be lucky, but I’m faithful
May 15, 2012 at 4:06 am
Congratulations! My Dad is my best friend. I hope you and your daughter have the same relationship.
Lorna
May 15, 2012 at 6:28 am
Thanks, I hope so too.
May 15, 2012 at 4:16 am
Perfect parenting?
Nah, this requires perfect children and there are none except in the eyes of their parents, so you should have it down pat. All kidding aside, fathers and daughters are a wonderful thing. Except for the whole math thing (my dad was an engineer) my dad did a pretty good job most of the time with balance during my formative years. He freaked out a bit when I started showing signs of femaleness (breasts and hips). Freaked out even more when boys started coming around and I didn’t punch them in the face.
You will do fine! Raising balanced children requires humor and wonder. They are little adults we just don’t realize it. They are so smart, we just think they they are learning from us, all the time they are teaching us.
Congrats on a daughter. I have always been convinced all men should have daughters first.
May 15, 2012 at 6:27 am
Based solely on the ultrasounds I’m pretty sure there are no men (or women) good enough for her.
May 15, 2012 at 4:29 am
Ah, many many congrats on the great impending event. Your daughter will bring you joy beyond imagination and will provide you an endless source of material. Start saving for the wedding now.
May 15, 2012 at 6:24 am
I saved our wedding stuff. Dishes, linens, music, leftover champagne. I figure her whole wedding should run about $75.
May 15, 2012 at 4:32 am
Congrats on your sweet baby girl, B-Man! My daughter can be a girly girl, but she also likes to play in the dirt and can beat up her brother so the football thing is always an option.
She’s definitely a Daddy’s girl and they have the most amazing relationship, they are incredibly close and she looks up to him like he’s all that and a bag of chips. What eases him mind? He always tells her, “No boyfriends!” Yesterday she told us this boy Owen likes her and follows her around school. My husband was like, “Uh, I think I’m going to have a talk with this Owen fellow…” Oh the teen years are going to be fun.
May 15, 2012 at 6:19 am
I know, the big fear is that she’ll be really in to football and I won’t have planned ahead. I’ll have to fake it until I can go get that down.
May 15, 2012 at 4:35 am
What delightful news! Congrats, Bryonic. I say that as a totally unreformed Daddy’s Girl.
But you’re comfortable with her one day being sexy??????? That’ll change!
May 15, 2012 at 6:23 am
Well, not trashy sexy, obviously. Beautiful, though, in that she will have total power over all living things, who will be stricken immobile by her grace, beauty and allure. Then, if they don’t avert their gaze, they burst in to flame.
May 15, 2012 at 9:14 am
They will obviously die in bliss (and a few blisters).
May 15, 2012 at 4:35 am
Congrats and good luck.
May 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Thanks. I’ll take all the luck I can get.
May 15, 2012 at 5:53 am
I called that one with the name Byronica, if you will recall. I always wanted a daughter.
Good luck with that perfect parenting goal…I was satisfied that we (mom and sons) all came out of it alive, stronger for the struggles, and knowing when (but steadfastly refusing) to admit when one or the other was wrong. After all, I am their mother and all.
May 15, 2012 at 6:21 am
I once heard or read a quote (which I will now butcher and no cite), that “parenthood means failing every day.”
May 15, 2012 at 6:12 am
Congratulations! I bet you’re hoping the Byronic Baby will someday take over this blog after you! 😛
May 15, 2012 at 6:20 am
“Someday, my child, all this will be yours.”
“All what?”
“This. The blog.”
“Oh. Great.”
May 15, 2012 at 6:22 am
Dinosaurs are frickin’ awesome man! Star Wars too, but you must start her early.
May 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm
So I should bring the blu-ray and TV set to the hospital, is what you’re saying?
May 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm
No, just subject your woman to hours of Star Wars marathons before hand.
May 15, 2012 at 6:25 am
Congratulations on the Wee Lass joining your family! I think the perfect parent thing is totally doable. Just do everything she say. 😉
May 15, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Yeah, I figure it’s never too soon to provide no boundaries at all.
May 15, 2012 at 6:33 am
EEeeeee ! Daddy’s girls are forever – but it goes both ways, she clearly has you wrapped around her teeeeny little finger already. Hope Mrs B is doing well !
Our six year old (girl) can name all the star wars creatures and where most of them are from and has a pet T-Rex that roars and is a hockey fanatic…all while wearing her pink sparkle sandals and a tiarra.
May 15, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Her nausea has subsided considerably, so that’s a big plus.
May 15, 2012 at 6:56 am
Daddy’s girls are the best! I’ve got two. Your’s will definitely not be bored. However, I fear for her neck… all that head shaking and eye rolling while growing up, will definitely take its toll.
May 15, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I’m not excited for the “Psh. Like, whatever” stage.
May 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm
No, that’s not the best stage at all.
May 15, 2012 at 6:59 am
I have a picture of our Baby Girl at about 3 months, sitting on my dad’s lap and watching Empire. Yours will like Star Wars too.
I am so excited for you and Mrs Byronic!
May 15, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I don’t know, one of my best friend’s daughter loved Star Wars and then suddenly, one day, BAM. Hated it. Wouldn’t even use her Star Wars lunchbox.
May 15, 2012 at 7:04 am
Congratulations on the new daughter! You are already a perfect parent, don’t worry about that since the minute she is born that will change.
May 15, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I know, so far I’m doing a terrific job. In my mind, there have been no problems at all, ever.
May 15, 2012 at 7:22 am
Oh what a wonderful wonderful news….she is going to fill your life with so much happiness..and plan as much as you want now.trust me the moment ,,..that first time you will hold her in your hand you will forget everything else ….
Congrats 🙂
May 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I’m approaching it like a war: prepare, then expect to improvise.
Not that I think she’ll be like a war, but you know what I mean…
May 15, 2012 at 7:36 am
I expect we’ll see the frequency of your entries drop in October, but be replaced with the type of hilarity that only sleep-deprived, diaper-fueled thoughts can bring. Congratulations!
May 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I’m already planning to run a few weeks of “Best of Byronic” in October. And everyone will have to read or it’s like you’re not supportive of my child.
May 15, 2012 at 8:13 am
Very sweet, B-Man. And for the record, I love Star Wars. Oldest daughter. Episodes 1 – 3 never happened. Hope there is, Daddy Jedi.
May 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm
That’s the parenting advice no one gives. “Are your children old enough to learn about Episodes I-III?”
May 15, 2012 at 8:39 am
Ahh that’s so cute.. I can read your excitement! My sister is having a girl in August.
BTW I was born in the year of the Dragon, so good luck! hahaha
I’m sure she will follow her daddies footsteps 😉
May 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm
More specifically, she’s a “water dragon” which sounds infinitely cool. Just like she will be!
May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Awesome! Congrats!
May 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Oh I guess I am an Earth Dragon.. pretty cool
May 16, 2012 at 6:30 am
Dragon’s still a dragon!
May 15, 2012 at 9:11 am
… i’m sure you and Mrs. B will figure out the first name fine; but what to do for a middle name? should it rhyme? i’m good at rhyming things; just ask for help. but what if you have two daughters? we have two and somehow their middle names ended up rhyming… you might not want to go down that road… but also, i’m really good a nicknames, so let me know if you need help with that. or acronyms… I can do some really great acronyms for the people in your life… or her life… 🙂
congratulations and much joy! You might know my two girls. They were at your wedding! Well, I was too, actually. My husband can help too. he’s a psychologist – school age especially, and can help you navigate sticky girly moments… all you need to do is ask!
May 15, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I may vaguely recall your two girls… one of whom is GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE?? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
And I’m sure I’ll be seeking out advice at many turns.
May 15, 2012 at 9:38 am
Congrats, BioMan. You are stepping further and further into the world of solicited and unsolicited parenting advice. Buckle-up and enjoy the ride.
May 15, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Last night I had a anxiety moment as I was scrambling to get things done and go to bed, and was trying to figure out where the time for a child fits in.
May 15, 2012 at 1:07 pm
And yet the child manages to fit in beautifully.
May 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I figure I’ll just pencil in “raise daughter” from 6:45-7:15.
May 15, 2012 at 10:03 am
Congrats and lots of good wishes for this new phase of your life.
May 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Thanks!
May 15, 2012 at 11:37 am
Congratulations to you…have you considered “Kidneye” as a middle name?
May 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Of course! It was my grandmother’s name.
May 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Take it from someone who tried all her life to be the best girl alive and who never knew her father (he killed himself when I was 4), I’d have given anything to have a father like you already are and will surely be. Congratulations, Papa!
May 16, 2012 at 6:32 am
Thanks, I hope I’m everything she needs. And sorry to hear that – that’s a rotten card to be dealt.
May 16, 2012 at 11:53 am
The odd thing is, I think things turned out as they should. His death did impact my life a lot more than I thought, though. I’m writing a memoir and I’m realizing how not having a father was a big deal for me. Interesting.
May 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Congrats. My sister raised two girls. They turned out great. One’s a teacher and the other is a mother to three boys, two of them a set.
May 16, 2012 at 6:32 am
Mrs. Byronic started showing so quickly I was pretty sure it was twins for a bit there. Twins are great when they’re someone else’s. When I thought it might be me I was crossing myself and knocking on wood.
May 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Love this! You’re going to be an amazing dad – I can tell already. You’re head over heels. 🙂 And yes, your sweet little girl will be such a fantastic person. How could she not with Byronic parents?! Congrats to the proud papa.
May 16, 2012 at 6:33 am
Well, so far – in my imagination – I’m an awesome dad. Pretty much flawless.
May 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm
My kids are perfect so I am sure your daughter will be too! Congratulations to all three of you!
I didn’t officially know the sex of either child, but I “knew” what sex they were anyway!
May 16, 2012 at 6:34 am
She had a pretty good sense.
I *knew* it was a girl. Then a boy. Then a girl. Then a boy…
May 16, 2012 at 7:24 am
Hahaha! I had dreams through both pregnancies.
May 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Hey, congratulations!! A girl, I knew it! I’m always right about the baby gender thing. The next will be a boy. (Haha, but don’t hold me to that one – I won’t feel sure until that particular bun is in the oven.) Call me the womb whisperer.
Oh, that kinda sounded gross.
May 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Yeah, it’s a good concept, but the name might need a little face-lift…
May 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Congratulations! Girls are pretty great I have to say. My son sticks his finger in his belly button and smells it. My daughter bites her toenails. It’s about a toss up now that I think of it.
Since you seem to be something of a superhero with a name like The Byronic Man, I’m happy to know there’ll be a Byronic Girl soon, and I know she’ll do much better than Helen Slater.
May 16, 2012 at 6:27 am
+15 pop-culture points for the Helen Slater reference.
May 15, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Congratulations and best wishes for you and Mrs. B!
How are you preparing the dogs for the new arrival?
You can always follow the lead of Kurt Cobain and give your daughter the middle name Bean.
May 16, 2012 at 6:26 am
I’m warning the dogs that they may not be the cutest things in the house in a few months. So far they’re taking it well. I suspect when they see how important the new pack member is, the real problem will be them trying to kill anyone who comes near the baby besides us.
And if it weren’t for the inevitable “Oh, like Kurt Cobain,” believe me, the “Bean” middle name would be tempting.
May 16, 2012 at 4:58 am
Aw, man! I mean, girl! Congratulations!!! Your daughter is going to be awesome. She will be like Buffy. Except she will also have book smarts, like Giles. And will totally love dinosaurs.
But, you do know what this is doing to me, right? I mean, the jokes about helping her shop that I’m currently holding back? And then you had to say this: “…when I throw a football it looks like a bee crawled down my shirt during a sneezing fit.” (Hi. Larious.)
Sooo excited for you and Mrs. B-Man!!
May 16, 2012 at 6:24 am
Oh, she will be like Buffy, that’s for sure. Except fewer drawn out speeches, a la seasons 5-7.
And maybe when she says she needs school clothes I’ll say, “You know where there are a crap ton of malls? Jersey. And have I got the personal shopper for you…”
May 17, 2012 at 9:34 am
Ooooh, boy, (I mean girl), are you in for one wild ride having a baby girl instead of a boy! Hats off to you, though – CONGRATS!!!!
May 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Thanks. I think each gender has its own set of… challenges.
May 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm
I’m so happy you’re going to have a little girl! Girls are the best (having had a hand in raising about 8 of them). I can’t wait to read all your posts about ?? (kidney bean for now). Let the games begin! BTW, I’m glad the nausea is passing.
May 19, 2012 at 3:41 pm
good, i am following. looks like i need to do more reading. i don’t know why but yours is getting lost in my feed. anyway, great stuff. and most importantly CONGRATS. i love the ‘kidney bean’ alias. it rocks. sm
May 19, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Thanks. We’ve actually thought about “Bean” as a middle name, but the years of “Oh, like Kurt & Courtney?” comments feels tedious.
May 19, 2012 at 9:34 pm
Congratulations!
June 20, 2012 at 4:57 am
i loved dinosaurs. star wars not so much, but my brother and i lived, breathed and even ate like dinosaurs. dinosaurs were incorporated into everything. my barbies? why yes, they had pet dinosaurs.
June 20, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Girls are the best… I’ve got 2 of them.