I am incredibly manly. If I was a cologne, I’d be called “Virility,” but I’m too masculine to wear cologne. There are, though, of course, some things about me that could be considered, well, girly. I don’t mean feminine; I mean girly. You know… things girly girls like. Not many! Nooo, no. Hell no. I laugh a deep, booming laugh at the notion.
But a few.
Today is Jules’ (of Go Guilty Pleasures) 30th birthday. To celebrate that – blog-wise – she is having a contest to win a gift basket. A couple days ago I saw it and noticed it included a copy of the movie The Cutting Edge. I mention that I had seen it and that this was probably #4 on the list of girliest things about me. She said she would like to see this list.
And so… though I will likely lose the respect and attention of countless readers – as well as myself – I shall now present the Top 5 Girliest Things About Me because it is Jules’ birthday, and because I really want to win that gift basket (I don’t entirely remember what’s in it – I just know it’s a competition and that I want to win. See? Manly.)
# 5 – I have very definite opinions about men’s fashions. I’m not extreme, but I live in the Pacific Northwest and I not only know how to tie a tie, I believe very strongly that the tip of the tie should just hit the top of the belt buckle. And that belt should match the shoes. In the northeast this probably wouldn’t be a big deal, and in somewhere like Milan I’m probably as fashionable as an iron miner, but for here?
In Defense Of My Masculinity: A grown man really should know how to dress.
# 4 – I have seen The Cutting Edge. Twice. (See? #4. Nailed it!); I have seen many times, and even kind of like, Love, Actually. I have even, a couple of times, been known to get a little dust in my eye toward the end of the movie. And The Cutting Edge is about figure skating. A little bit of hockey, too, but I don’t kid myself.
In Defense Of My Masculinity: My wife ADORES Love, Actually, and I love watching it with her, specifically. As for Cutting Edge? Well, it does feature Moira Kelly exercising in skin-tight clothing for much of it.
# 3 – I have appeared, in public, in drag. I know, if this is number 3, where am I going with this list from here? This is only at 3 because it was in a very silly play, called Leading Ladies, about two men trying to con their way in to an inheritance by posing as long-lost daughters.
In Defense Of My Masculinity: I was a seriously unattractive woman. My co-star, who’s now attempting to make a go of it down in Hollywood, got told he looked quite cute as a woman. He did not appreciate the compliment. These people would then look at me and say, “You are not a good looking woman.” I was okay with that.
# 2 – I have read more than one Sophie Kinsella novel. Kinsella is the author of the popular Shopgirl series, among others. They are all light, funny novels about young women who are in over their heads in some way and get in to all kinds of mix-ups and then there’s this man who just drives her crazy… and so forth. You know where the story goes from there.
In Defense Of My Masculinity: I’m on thin ice, here. I haven’t got much. Kinsella is genuinely clever and funny, I suppose, and… I don’t know… my wife had a copy, I read it… I liked it… damn.
And #1? You sure you want to keep reading? We could stop here, if you’d like. No? Okay.
# 1 – I have a “gift” for making pie crusts. Seriously. This is the one that just kills me – this gift, this curse. Every time I make a pie crust for my wife’s pies, people flip out about the crust. I thought people were humoring me for a long time, or that it was just what you say when you eat pie someone made… but then I tried other home-made crusts, and people just kept going on about them. “What’s your secret?” they always ask. “I don’t know. Butter? Shame?”
In Defense Of My Masculinity: I got nothing. Truly. I could lip sync to N Sync while I made the crusts and that would only increase the girliness about 8% (I don’t, though, just to clarify). Not only do I not have a defense, but you know what? I actually do have a secret to my success, and I’m not sharing it. That’s how girly this is.
Okay. I’m going to go break something, and then fix it with tools. Then go drink and complain about the God damn thing that broke. But first, because it is Sunday, and time for the Weekly Question of the Week, I throw the gauntlet of Girly Honesty to you: What’s the girliest thing you do? It doesn’t matter if you’re a woman – you know what I mean. Things that even other women say, “Wow, that is sooo girly.” Sex in the City marathon girly. Appletini girly. It’s there. Do you dare share it?