Color Me Impressed…

April 10, 2012

Humor

When it comes to coloring easter eggs, my skills are – comparatively – on par with my jack-o-lantern carving skills: somewhere between “just passable enough to get by” and “Heyyyyy, you keep at, little soldier!”.  If you give me several cups of colored vinegar and a dozen eggs, I can probably give you 5 eggs that are colored; 4 eggs that I got fancy with that are 45% one color, 45% a second color, and 10% a disgusting brown-ish where the two colors overlapped in the middle; and 3 eggs that I dropped in to the cup too hard and cracked.

That’s it.  That’s what I have to bring to the table.  Any Easter Magic is on you after that.  Give me a wax crayon or anything and you’ve designated some poor egg to be, at best, ugly.  At worst?  To ruin your day with it’s sad awfulness.

But many people have what is known as “skill,” and produce lovely, artistic eggs.  Here’s a sampling of some of 2012’s finest.  The first, very traditional.  

Others go for a different approach.  For many, where there’s an opportunity, there is Star Wars.

Simple, yet ingenious.

Or maybe Star Wars isn’t your thing, for some tragic reason.  Maybe you’re more of a Harry Potter fan…

Perhaps you’d sacrifice an egg for the sake of mise-en-scene?

Or the macabre – You’ve got your vampires…

… And you’ve got your zombies…

So, good job, everyone-who’s-not-me!  Thanks to your efforts, you’ve balanced my egg-dying-incompetence out a little.

Just wait until the 4th of July, though.  I got a sparkler-routine that’ll knock your socks off.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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33 Comments on “Color Me Impressed…”

  1. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Love the South Park eggs. I hear you on the dropping and the cracking and then with the reaching into the dye to pick up the egg with your fingers catastrophe.

    Reply

  2. 1pointperspective Says:

    You gotta love temporary art. Easter eggs, Jack-o-lanterns, Sand castles, Those insanely cool sidewalk chalk drawings. Sure it’s not oil on canvas, but it’s still art. Unlike traditional fine art, almost everyone has tried their hand at the temporary stuff. Most of us are reminded of how we need to stick to blogging when it comes to creative expression. Although, I’ve been told that I draw a pretty mean “Easter Bunny in Repose” .

    Reply

  3. Valentine Logar Says:

    Don’t feel so bad about your skills, mine are on par with yours. Thankfully mine are only seen by three year old grandchild who doesn’t care and only wants to search in tall grass.

    Reply

  4. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    wow thats some stats you got there…i tried my hand on them too..ended up with… well there were just multicoloured some will say if they loved me enough….
    those images are so awesome….how talented/gifted some people are..and here i cant even make anything decent even with clay dough.
    loved the easter eggs..the star war one was so cool and funny

    Reply

  5. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    Thanks for the Kenny egg, it made my day ! Im thinking I need to try the stormtroopers next year – no egg dye involved (I always end up with awful colored fingernails from that stuff) and I have a year to find the tiny weapons!

    Reply

  6. susielindau Says:

    I can’t wait to see the sparkler routine! Do you wear a costume too?

    Reply

  7. BrainRants Says:

    How did you find that picture of my Star Wars eggs…?

    Reply

  8. sj Says:

    Dude, I am an egg dying pro. “No, no, no kids. We don’t try any of those fancy tricks in this house. NO, put it in the pink and THEN the blue. Then back in the pink. Then back in the blue. Eventually you might have one that’s kind of lavender. Yes! We like purple right? OKAY, NOW MAKE ME 23 MORE!”

    Reply

  9. madtante Says:

    You’re doing it right. Those other bastards are tossers.

    Reply

  10. thesinglecell Says:

    You know how to dye an egg brown?! Aw, man! That’s a skill! Work it! My nephew wanted a brown egg and nobody could make it happen. I told my sister to just buy brown eggs next year.

    Reply

  11. becomingcliche Says:

    I chickened out of the whole egg-dying thing this year. I hate to waste food. Instead, I gave my daughter a sharpie and turned her loose on the 10,000 plastic eggs that were left over from last year. All three kids are bitter and resentful, so now it REALLY feels like a holiday!

    Reply

  12. Audrey Says:

    Gees, and here I was so proud of myself for dip-dying my egg 4 different colors. So much for “mad skillz”… Those eggs are awesome!

    Reply

  13. gojulesgo Says:

    Okay. I need to start planning for next year’s Easter post, stat. The upside-down vampire egg really got me!

    Reply

  14. ghfool Says:

    At least you’re good at math!

    Reply

  15. Anastasia Says:

    I’m not into the vampire thing going on these days, but that one has me a’chuckle.

    Reply

  16. gingerfightback Says:

    Could you get an egg involved in the sparkler routine? i know people who would pay top dollar for that.

    Reply

  17. Nothing hurt Says:

    P.S. How have I never found your blog before??

    Reply

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