Pride & Prejudice & Zombies; Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Popular entertainment is just chock full of mash-ups between classical imagery and the supernatural the last few years, isnt it? Why? Who knows. You got stuff, you might as well mash it up, I guess. The problem is that these books and films have been… what’s the phrase I’m looking for … “not so good,” for the most part – for perhaps obvious reasons.
"When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, and there battled a creature who looked strangely like a man in a rubber suit."
Maybe it’s because they haven’t been done right; maybe it’s because this sort of thing doesn’t retain its structural integrity past the darkest recesses of fan-fiction; or maybe… it’s because readers of The Byronic Man haven’t had a crack at it!
With the near infinite resources of classical literature and figures to choose from, and no shortage of monsters, there must be some combination you’d be excited about. Socrates and the Sea Monsters? War Of The Worlds And Peace? The Creature From Walden Pond? Alexis de Toqueville: Goblin Puncher?
So what have you got, for this week’s Weekly Question of the Week? What classical/supernatural mash-up would you be most interested in seeing/reading/experiencing?
The Byronic Man 
April 8, 2012 at 3:24 am
The Adventures of Moll Flanders and the Succubus Army.
April 8, 2012 at 8:53 am
Which also sounds like a cool band name!
April 8, 2012 at 4:06 am
A Tale of Two Zombie Infested Cities
April 8, 2012 at 4:12 am
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Horse drawn carriages shuttled the rich and elite through streets teeming with the undead, staggering across the cobblestones in their never ending quest for a taste of flesh”
April 8, 2012 at 8:54 am
“It is a far, far greater brain I eat, than I have ever eaten before…”
April 8, 2012 at 9:32 am
I demand that people follow you…clearly you are the messiah of witticisms…
Actually, I had thought of Pip shouldering a blunderbuss and nailing a few zombies, but thought better of it when I couldn’t be positive I wasn’t mixing up my Dickens novels.
April 8, 2012 at 10:25 am
That’s so weird! I think everyone should follow me, too!
Really, though, thanks for saying so.
April 8, 2012 at 4:08 am
Mother Theresa Fighting Demons from the Netherworld
April 8, 2012 at 8:55 am
I can actually envision someone pitching that.
April 8, 2012 at 9:32 am
…they will, and you and I won’t see a shilling of the profits.
April 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
…or a hay pence
April 10, 2012 at 6:21 am
Not even a ha’penny??
April 10, 2012 at 6:42 am
Not even a farthing!
April 9, 2012 at 7:55 am
When I first read this I thought it said Mother Theresa Fighting Demons From the Netherlands. That would really narrow the casting requirements.
April 9, 2012 at 8:00 am
Damn! Wish I’d written it that way; you can’t top the Dutch for comedic presence and wacky accents. I’m visualizing them battling Mother Theresa in their wooden shoes, stinking of gouda. All around them, tulips lay broken and damned.
April 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm
People don’t use “stinking of gouda” enough in conversation nowadays. That’s just my opinion.
BTW, Pip is from Great Expectations, but since Miss Havisham was probably the first classic literary embodiment of a zombie, it’s all good.
April 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Kudos on correcting my blunder without even making me feel intellectually inferior. Considering I read those books back when they were still hot off of Guttenberg’s press, I’m not overly sensitive about it anyway.
April 9, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Stinking of gouda, thinking of Buddha, watching Boris Godunov, getting stoned with H.R. Pufnstuf, I said to myself: “Enough!”
April 8, 2012 at 4:47 am
Godzilla Prefers Litte Women
April 8, 2012 at 8:54 am
Directed by Nora Ephron
April 8, 2012 at 5:08 am
Winnie the Pooh Meets Godzilla
April 8, 2012 at 8:56 am
Poor Pooh…
Please tell me you’ve seen the short film “Bambi Meets Godzilla.”
April 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Of course. But Bambi was a wimp. Pooh would stand a chance!
April 8, 2012 at 6:14 am
Popeye and I am a legend
April 8, 2012 at 8:57 am
“I yam what I yam, and that’s all da legend that I yam!”
April 8, 2012 at 6:33 am
Honey I Shrunk the Last of the Mohicans.
P.S. – Peppermeister read this and suggested I change it to: Honey I Shrunk the Raisin in the Sun.
April 8, 2012 at 8:52 am
Both sound like excellent vehicles for Rick Moranis’ family-friendly humor.
April 8, 2012 at 7:42 am
Wuthering Heights meets Futurama – I’d read that! I love Wuthering Heights but it’s a painful read that needs a little laughter!
April 8, 2012 at 8:58 am
And a sarcastic robot who drinks too much.
April 8, 2012 at 10:46 am
You can never have too many robots!
April 8, 2012 at 7:52 am
Alien vs. The Graduate
April 8, 2012 at 8:59 am
“I’ve got one word for you, Benjamin: airlocks.”
April 8, 2012 at 7:57 am
Uh, totally waiting for sj’s answer here.
April 8, 2012 at 7:58 am
Lord of the Terminators Quadrilogy (All directed by Michael Bay, of course, with a video game/action figure/Taco Bell tie-in) in Real 2-D (because I hate 3-D but I like watching movies with the glasses).
Hobbits, monsters, AND unstoppable killer cyborgs. I’m all in.
April 8, 2012 at 9:01 am
Have you ever seen the wonderfully awesome Stallone movie “Demolition Man”? It has the most shameless Taco Bell plug in it, that it becomes great. It’s the future and the only restaurant that exists any more is Taco Bell. People have entire conversations about Taco Bell and its merits.
April 8, 2012 at 10:20 am
I have seen it. And it is exquisite.
April 10, 2012 at 6:22 am
After a long moment of reflection, I’ve put Demolition Man on my Netflix cue.
April 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm
You cannot beat a blonde Wesley Snipes trying to blow up the world…for…fun?
P.S. I’d love to hear whether you think Snipes or Stallone wins the one-liner war.
April 8, 2012 at 8:06 am
A Western set in space. Oh wait, that’s been done. On second thought Tyler Durden (from Fight Club) vs. Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Every punch would be deflected to the portrait.
April 8, 2012 at 9:02 am
“The portraits you own, end up owning you.”
It’s hard to say which character would be more caustic and cruel between the two, actually…
April 8, 2012 at 9:10 am
Maybe I’d just like to see Chuck Palahniuk write a novel that is set in England around 1880 using his minimalist style. How would Jules Verne translate into Chuck’s style? Can you imagine 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea re-done by him? Or by Irvine Welsh? Hmmm…
April 8, 2012 at 10:03 am
I’m still waiting for Pride and Predator to actually happen. I hate Austen, but I could totally get behind that. Since that’s already a real thing (seriously) I have to make something up myself….
Three Xenomorphs in a Boat
Riddle of the Sarlacc
Pain’s Labyrinth
Shelob’s Web
Lord of the RingWorms
April 10, 2012 at 6:24 am
“GRRAAWWRRR!”
“What?”
“GRRRAWWWWRRR!!!”
“I can’t… I can’t understand you. I can’t answer the riddle if I can’t understand you.”
“GRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR!!!”
aaaaaand scene.
April 8, 2012 at 10:45 am
Harry Potter of Latter Day Saints…
Hey, they’re both cult classics…
yeah, I went there.
Also, I actually don’t think mash-ups are new, think Shakespeare!
April 10, 2012 at 6:26 am
Yeah, but the supernatural monsters in Shakespeare are always standing around telling you to kill your uncle, or that you will be Thane of Cawdor.
Not enough brain eatin’! Not enough flames shooting from the mouths!
Shakespeare. What a hack.
April 8, 2012 at 10:58 am
Maybe people just need to read the bible… Isn’t it a traditional story with supernatural (Virgin Birth! Parting the Sea! Water into Wine!) aspects?
April 10, 2012 at 6:27 am
True, it just needs that mash-up with modern monsters. Jesus vs. Mecha-Jesus, or something.
April 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm
How about? Nah too hard of a stretch.
April 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Mary Poppins meets Rosemary’s Baby!
April 10, 2012 at 6:28 am
A spoonful of sugar helps the fact that Satan is your baby’s father go down!
April 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Precisely. Can’t believe I got bumped. Okay I can. I’ll do better next time!
April 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm
To Kill the Birds… in which flocks of Hitchcockian birds prey upon a small southern town in the racially-delicate 1950s. But they’re mockingbirds, thus forcing the ever-humble and ever-moralistic Atticus Finch to shoot not only a rabid dog, but LOTS of mockingbirds who threaten to pluck the eyes out of the key witnesses for the defense in the trial of Tom Robinson. Boo Radley seems to be the keeper of the birds, until one night Jeb and Scout are overcome by the flock and Radley comes to the rescue, shooing them all away and losing an eye in the process.
April 8, 2012 at 7:43 pm
“Debbie Does Dickens.”
April 10, 2012 at 6:28 am
Very nice. Dickens was pretty prolific, though. Debbie’s going to need some Gatorade.
April 10, 2012 at 9:32 am
Yes, or perhaps The Devil in Miss Jones can pitch in, with assistance from Ambrose Bierce–hence, “The Devil’s Dictionary in Miss Jones.”
April 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Ulysses form The Odyssey (1954) vs.Jack Sparrow! Bring it on monsters of the deep!
April 10, 2012 at 6:29 am
It’d be fun, but I suspect things would end badly for Sparrow. Ulysses wasn’t the safest guy to be around.
April 10, 2012 at 6:32 am
Maybe he would end up on the spit with cyclops turning the crank. Do you remember that movie?
April 10, 2012 at 8:11 pm
“The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad”…a classic that needs no further additions.
April 8, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Tom Sawyer and Katniss paint a fence
April 10, 2012 at 6:30 am
May the whitewash ever be in your favor.
April 8, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Man devours not me, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to intend so.
April 10, 2012 at 6:32 am
The possibility of being a zombie would really throw a wrench in that whole “To be or not to be” dilemma. “To be or not to be. Or, well, perhaps a little of both…”
April 8, 2012 at 10:55 pm
To Kill A Jabberjay
The Old Man And The Sea And Sharktopus
Treasure Island of the Undead
April 10, 2012 at 6:33 am
The old man, instead of DiMaggio, could think back to Deborah Gibson. She was a singer, fine and true.
(She was in Sharktopus, right?”
April 9, 2012 at 5:28 am
Lost Boys, Lost Girl
The Frog brothers could sing it to the tune of “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler On The Roof for the theme song to the movie.
April 10, 2012 at 6:34 am
For some reason I can only make the tune of Lionel Richie’s “Say You, Say Me” go through my head. My head…
April 9, 2012 at 6:19 am
This is what I get for taking a day to be “with family”…..what a jip, and now too many good ones are already taken ! Ok, how ’bout :
“Frankenstein in Wonderland”
“Little Vampire Women”
“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. [Bela] Lugosi”
“Much Ado About Nighmares” (My two favs – Shakespeare and Poe)
April 10, 2012 at 6:36 am
See? Family… they’ll get you every time.
But Frankenstein in Wonderland is pretty great.
April 10, 2012 at 7:29 am
I see potential storyline with the Mad Hatter….
April 9, 2012 at 7:55 am
Hulk Hogan v The Pope – an open contest
April 10, 2012 at 6:36 am
Does he get his pope-mobile?
April 10, 2012 at 7:18 am
that would make it a fair fight
April 9, 2012 at 9:29 am
The Chronicles of Transylvania: The Werewolf, the Witch and the Wardrobe
April 10, 2012 at 6:37 am
That’d spice things up a little, wouldn’t it?
April 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm
*hangs head*
I have nothing… except maybe The Seven Samurai (B&W Japanese classic) v. The Matrix… because everything just looks freaking awesome in ‘bullet time.’ And samurais are simply autocool.
April 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
You have NO IDEA how much I would pay to see this movie.
April 10, 2012 at 6:35 am
I somehow knew you’d know of The Seven Samurai.
April 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Goldie Locks and the three flying monkeys
April 10, 2012 at 6:38 am
“And Goldilocks ran from the house as fast as she could. But it was no use, for the monkeys flew over head and tracked her wherever she went…”
April 9, 2012 at 7:44 pm
I actually read Pride and Predjudice and Zombies when it first came out, thinking that Seth Grahame-Smith was really clever. But ever since then, mash-ups are all he writes, and he’s inspired other authors to follow suit. I actually came across a book in the store the other day called The Meowmorphosis, in which a humble fabric salesman wakes up one day to realize that he’s been transformed into an adorable kitten. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!! I can’t even join in the rest with making up a fun mash-up title, for fear that some washed up, writer’s blocked author will stumble upon your blog and say, “Hmmm….that’s actually not a bad idea…”
April 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Hmmm…. that’s actually not a bad idea.
Actually, I’m thinking of a metafictional romp (a la Laurence Sterne) through a mashed-up world where puns and stretched-to-breaking referents are the subliminal tools of an evil uber-class of mind-manipulators (soundtrack featuring Pop Will Eat Itself and The Buggles). As ol’ Franz K. put it himself, “A cage went in search of a bird.”
April 10, 2012 at 6:40 am
But then when the washed up writer publishes, we all sue! Yay!
April 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Count Chocula of Monte Cristo. That would be terrifying. Seriously, though, I agree with racheldeangelis. The first supernatural-classic mash-up I saw and read was also Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It was funny and really clever at parts, but then many others followed and the idea was just completely exhausted. Where is your creativity, people??
April 11, 2012 at 10:23 am
My reaction to P & P & Z was akin to my response to the “Honey Badger” video. “Ha ha! Delightful! How clever!… ha… ha ha… okay, yes, it’s, it’s kind of the same joke now… wow, really working this gag… time to stop…”
April 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Godzilla vs. Ichiro Suzuki
April 10, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The Grapes of Wrath of the Titans
April 11, 2012 at 10:25 am
“Wherever there’s an unnecessary sequel to a remake, I’ll be there. Wherever you see a guy substituting hokey CGI for plot, I’ll be there. Wherever you see accomplished actors slumming it for a quick paycheck… I’ll be there.”
April 11, 2012 at 10:36 am
Good one!
April 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Attack of the 50 Foot Little Women
April 10, 2012 at 11:55 pm
just a link to an image for you, since I can’t post a pic directly.
http://anongallery.org/208/release-the-kraken-dogs
No time, and not feeling clever enough to make up my own right now. 🙂
April 11, 2012 at 2:08 am
wait wait.. inspiration.
The IncrediBennets.
lame. so lame.
April 11, 2012 at 10:26 am
Oh, dogs. They love us so, that they’ll tolerate whatever we dress them up as…
April 11, 2012 at 8:33 am
The House of Mirth and Mummies
Don Quixote: Centaur Wrangler
Lady Chatterley’s Chestburster
Rape of the Loch Ness Monster
This is waaayyy too fun . . .
April 11, 2012 at 10:27 am
There was so much Don Quixote fan-fiction (really; apparently there was so much that Cervantes wrote a sequel just to stop the imitation), that it’s entirely possible that ‘centaur wrangling’ found its way in there!
April 11, 2012 at 10:38 am
My head is so full of snot (sorry, but there’s no other way to describe it), there’s no room left for clever. Let’s just pretend that I put together the most brilliant pairing ever in this category and leave it at that, shall we?
April 12, 2012 at 6:25 am
WOW! WHAT A BRILLIANT PAIRING!
April 12, 2012 at 8:08 am
The Little Princess in the Secret Garden Shop of Horrors: mashing together two Frances Hodgson Burnett novels with a monstrous musical theater flair. You know, for kids!
April 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm
As long as it’s for kids…