Cogito, Ergo Kraken!

April 8, 2012

Humor

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies; Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  Popular entertainment is just chock full of mash-ups between classical imagery and the supernatural the last few years, isnt it?  Why?  Who knows. You got stuff, you might as well mash it up, I guess.  The problem is that these books and films have been… what’s the phrase I’m looking for … “not so good,” for the most part – for perhaps obvious reasons.

"When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, and there battled a creature who looked strangely like a man in a rubber suit."

Maybe it’s because they haven’t been done right; maybe it’s because this sort of thing doesn’t retain its structural integrity past the darkest recesses of fan-fiction; or maybe… it’s because readers of The Byronic Man haven’t had a crack at it!

With the near infinite resources of classical literature and figures to choose from, and no shortage of monsters, there must be some combination you’d be excited about.  Socrates and the Sea Monsters?  War Of The Worlds And Peace? The Creature From Walden Pond?  Alexis de Toqueville: Goblin Puncher?

So what have you got, for this week’s Weekly Question of the Week?  What classical/supernatural mash-up would you be most interested in seeing/reading/experiencing?

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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99 Comments on “Cogito, Ergo Kraken!”

  1. Paul G. Eberlein Says:

    The Adventures of Moll Flanders and the Succubus Army.

    Reply

  2. 1pointperspective Says:

    A Tale of Two Zombie Infested Cities

    Reply

  3. 1pointperspective Says:

    Mother Theresa Fighting Demons from the Netherworld

    Reply

  4. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Godzilla Prefers Litte Women

    Reply

  5. Elyse Says:

    Winnie the Pooh Meets Godzilla

    Reply

  6. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Popeye and I am a legend

    Reply

  7. gojulesgo Says:

    Honey I Shrunk the Last of the Mohicans.

    P.S. – Peppermeister read this and suggested I change it to: Honey I Shrunk the Raisin in the Sun.

    Reply

  8. setareh342 Says:

    Wuthering Heights meets Futurama – I’d read that! I love Wuthering Heights but it’s a painful read that needs a little laughter!

    Reply

  9. She speaks.... Says:

    Alien vs. The Graduate

    Reply

  10. Lobidu Says:

    Uh, totally waiting for sj’s answer here.

    Reply

  11. therealkenjones Says:

    Lord of the Terminators Quadrilogy (All directed by Michael Bay, of course, with a video game/action figure/Taco Bell tie-in) in Real 2-D (because I hate 3-D but I like watching movies with the glasses).

    Hobbits, monsters, AND unstoppable killer cyborgs. I’m all in.

    Reply

  12. Alison Armstrong Says:

    A Western set in space. Oh wait, that’s been done. On second thought Tyler Durden (from Fight Club) vs. Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Every punch would be deflected to the portrait.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      “The portraits you own, end up owning you.”

      It’s hard to say which character would be more caustic and cruel between the two, actually…

      Reply

      • Alison Armstrong Says:

        Maybe I’d just like to see Chuck Palahniuk write a novel that is set in England around 1880 using his minimalist style. How would Jules Verne translate into Chuck’s style? Can you imagine 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea re-done by him? Or by Irvine Welsh? Hmmm…

        Reply

  13. sj Says:

    I’m still waiting for Pride and Predator to actually happen. I hate Austen, but I could totally get behind that. Since that’s already a real thing (seriously) I have to make something up myself….

    Three Xenomorphs in a Boat
    Riddle of the Sarlacc
    Pain’s Labyrinth
    Shelob’s Web
    Lord of the RingWorms

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      “GRRAAWWRRR!”
      “What?”
      “GRRRAWWWWRRR!!!”
      “I can’t… I can’t understand you. I can’t answer the riddle if I can’t understand you.”
      “GRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR!!!”

      aaaaaand scene.

      Reply

  14. Rog Says:

    Harry Potter of Latter Day Saints…
    Hey, they’re both cult classics…
    yeah, I went there.

    Also, I actually don’t think mash-ups are new, think Shakespeare!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Yeah, but the supernatural monsters in Shakespeare are always standing around telling you to kill your uncle, or that you will be Thane of Cawdor.

      Not enough brain eatin’! Not enough flames shooting from the mouths!

      Shakespeare. What a hack.

      Reply

  15. pithypants Says:

    Maybe people just need to read the bible… Isn’t it a traditional story with supernatural (Virgin Birth! Parting the Sea! Water into Wine!) aspects?

    Reply

  16. tomwisk Says:

    How about? Nah too hard of a stretch.

    Reply

  17. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Mary Poppins meets Rosemary’s Baby!

    Reply

  18. thesinglecell Says:

    To Kill the Birds… in which flocks of Hitchcockian birds prey upon a small southern town in the racially-delicate 1950s. But they’re mockingbirds, thus forcing the ever-humble and ever-moralistic Atticus Finch to shoot not only a rabid dog, but LOTS of mockingbirds who threaten to pluck the eyes out of the key witnesses for the defense in the trial of Tom Robinson. Boo Radley seems to be the keeper of the birds, until one night Jeb and Scout are overcome by the flock and Radley comes to the rescue, shooing them all away and losing an eye in the process.

    Reply

  19. freddyflow Says:

    “Debbie Does Dickens.”

    Reply

  20. susielindau Says:

    Ulysses form The Odyssey (1954) vs.Jack Sparrow! Bring it on monsters of the deep!

    Reply

  21. ghfool Says:

    Tom Sawyer and Katniss paint a fence

    Reply

  22. jamie Says:

    Man devours not me, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to intend so.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      The possibility of being a zombie would really throw a wrench in that whole “To be or not to be” dilemma. “To be or not to be. Or, well, perhaps a little of both…”

      Reply

  23. skippingstones Says:

    To Kill A Jabberjay

    The Old Man And The Sea And Sharktopus

    Treasure Island of the Undead

    Reply

  24. Michelle Gillies Says:

    Lost Boys, Lost Girl

    The Frog brothers could sing it to the tune of “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler On The Roof for the theme song to the movie.

    Reply

  25. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    This is what I get for taking a day to be “with family”…..what a jip, and now too many good ones are already taken ! Ok, how ’bout :
    “Frankenstein in Wonderland”
    “Little Vampire Women”
    “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. [Bela] Lugosi”
    “Much Ado About Nighmares” (My two favs – Shakespeare and Poe)

    Reply

  26. gingerfightback Says:

    Hulk Hogan v The Pope – an open contest

    Reply

  27. Audrey Says:

    The Chronicles of Transylvania: The Werewolf, the Witch and the Wardrobe

    Reply

  28. BrainRants Says:

    *hangs head*
    I have nothing… except maybe The Seven Samurai (B&W Japanese classic) v. The Matrix… because everything just looks freaking awesome in ‘bullet time.’ And samurais are simply autocool.

    Reply

  29. My Ox is a Moron Says:

    Goldie Locks and the three flying monkeys

    Reply

  30. racheldeangelis Says:

    I actually read Pride and Predjudice and Zombies when it first came out, thinking that Seth Grahame-Smith was really clever. But ever since then, mash-ups are all he writes, and he’s inspired other authors to follow suit. I actually came across a book in the store the other day called The Meowmorphosis, in which a humble fabric salesman wakes up one day to realize that he’s been transformed into an adorable kitten. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!! I can’t even join in the rest with making up a fun mash-up title, for fear that some washed up, writer’s blocked author will stumble upon your blog and say, “Hmmm….that’s actually not a bad idea…”

    Reply

    • freddyflow Says:

      Hmmm…. that’s actually not a bad idea.

      Actually, I’m thinking of a metafictional romp (a la Laurence Sterne) through a mashed-up world where puns and stretched-to-breaking referents are the subliminal tools of an evil uber-class of mind-manipulators (soundtrack featuring Pop Will Eat Itself and The Buggles). As ol’ Franz K. put it himself, “A cage went in search of a bird.”

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      But then when the washed up writer publishes, we all sue! Yay!

      Reply

  31. theworldsp1nsmadlyon Says:

    Count Chocula of Monte Cristo. That would be terrifying. Seriously, though, I agree with racheldeangelis. The first supernatural-classic mash-up I saw and read was also Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It was funny and really clever at parts, but then many others followed and the idea was just completely exhausted. Where is your creativity, people??

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      My reaction to P & P & Z was akin to my response to the “Honey Badger” video. “Ha ha! Delightful! How clever!… ha… ha ha… okay, yes, it’s, it’s kind of the same joke now… wow, really working this gag… time to stop…”

      Reply

  32. ghfool Says:

    Godzilla vs. Ichiro Suzuki

    Reply

  33. ghfool Says:

    The Grapes of Wrath of the Titans

    Reply

  34. ghfool Says:

    Attack of the 50 Foot Little Women

    Reply

  35. Anastasia Says:

    just a link to an image for you, since I can’t post a pic directly.
    http://anongallery.org/208/release-the-kraken-dogs

    No time, and not feeling clever enough to make up my own right now. 🙂

    Reply

  36. Amy Says:

    The House of Mirth and Mummies
    Don Quixote: Centaur Wrangler
    Lady Chatterley’s Chestburster
    Rape of the Loch Ness Monster

    This is waaayyy too fun . . .

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      There was so much Don Quixote fan-fiction (really; apparently there was so much that Cervantes wrote a sequel just to stop the imitation), that it’s entirely possible that ‘centaur wrangling’ found its way in there!

      Reply

  37. pegoleg Says:

    My head is so full of snot (sorry, but there’s no other way to describe it), there’s no room left for clever. Let’s just pretend that I put together the most brilliant pairing ever in this category and leave it at that, shall we?

    Reply

  38. pippimarried Says:

    The Little Princess in the Secret Garden Shop of Horrors: mashing together two Frances Hodgson Burnett novels with a monstrous musical theater flair. You know, for kids!

    Reply

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