Update: Russian Legos Are Not People!

February 15, 2012


ACTION NEWS UPDATE!  I wrote recently about the protest in Barnaul, Russia, regarding government corruption.  As you may (or may not – that’s okay) recall, as protests were banned, citizens set up toys carrying adorable little signs to do the protesting for them.  The government was initially unsure how to react, having to choose between rolling with it, or acting like idiots.

It’s a government.  Guess which one they’ve chosen.

In response to a recent, formal request for another toy protest (with a very specific toy quota of “100 Lego people, 20 model soldiers, 15 soft toys and 10 toy cars” – which sounds like a Saturday afternoon of my childhood), the government as issued a resounding, “Nyet!”

After denying the request, Barnaul spokesman Andrei Lyapunov stated that, “Toys, especially imported toys, are not only not citizens of Russia but they are not even people.”

Not Russian citizens, even though they have the same voice in government that citizens do.

That is some stone cold logic there, mister Lyapunov.  It does not at all make you sound like a officious, tail-covering goon.  And that point about them being imported toys?  Mwah.  Love it. Take that, protesters!

And now that you mention it, this would explain why when I have Mr. Scruffy Puppy, Raggedy Ann and my Star Wars action figures over for tea I’m the only one who drinks any!  All this time I thought they hated my tea!

It’s good to have this cleared up, this whole “who’s a person” thing, and the “should there be honesty in elections?” thing and the “Should Lego People have citizenship” debate that’s been tearing this country apart.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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24 Comments on “Update: Russian Legos Are Not People!”

  1. audreygjohnson Says:

    Wait…. what?! Next thing I know they’re going to tell me that the Lego town I built when I was ten doesn’t even count as a town and doesn’t belong on a map. REALLY NOW!


  2. thesinglecell Says:

    Is there no regard for how the toys get to their protest location? Do they… walk? No, because they are not people (or, sadly, robots). So… people put them there? So… they are emissaries of the people? So… this is a dumb discussion?

    Ah, Mother Russia. You so craaayyyzee!


  3. gojulesgo Says:

    Okay, this is just me thinking out loud here, but what if they used REAL animals (nooo, they don’t HAVE to be chipmunks, geesh)?


  4. BrainRants Says:

    They need the Star Wars lego sets. In Russian. That will fix everything.


  5. Snoring Dog Studio Says:

    How can they be sure they’re not people? Aren’t most Russians stoical, devoid of personality, and relatively immobile? Just kidding, Boris!


  6. booksnob Says:

    “… are not only not citizens of Russia but they are not even people.”

    That caused me to snort wine. I should know better than to read your blog while I’m sipping something.


  7. Life in the Boomer Lane Says:

    “Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear.” —- –Confucious Lego


  8. Blogdramedy Says:

    How about if all the little toys had a sponsor…like Stolichnaya Vodka. They could march with little shot glasses in their hands and protest until they pass out…much like the government officials themselves. 🙂


  9. madtante Says:

    Whew. Glad that’s Mother Russia not the Good Ol’ US of A cos if they’re not counting figurines that look like people, they may have a problem with my claiming Bobby as a dependent and YOU KNOW he’s a dependent.


  10. PCC Advantage Says:

    Wait…so Teddy Ruxpin isn’t really my best friend?


  11. Elyse Says:

    You are brilliant. Again.


  12. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    He really felt the need to explain “they are not even people” ? 1st, is that to mean there is russian law involving “inanimate objects” ?
    2nd, I don’t think our resident unicorn pillow pet is going to be ok with being told shes not real….


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