ACTION NEWS UPDATE! I wrote recently about the protest in Barnaul, Russia, regarding government corruption. As you may (or may not – that’s okay) recall, as protests were banned, citizens set up toys carrying adorable little signs to do the protesting for them. The government was initially unsure how to react, having to choose between rolling with it, or acting like idiots.
It’s a government. Guess which one they’ve chosen.
In response to a recent, formal request for another toy protest (with a very specific toy quota of “100 Lego people, 20 model soldiers, 15 soft toys and 10 toy cars” – which sounds like a Saturday afternoon of my childhood), the government as issued a resounding, “Nyet!”
After denying the request, Barnaul spokesman Andrei Lyapunov stated that, “Toys, especially imported toys, are not only not citizens of Russia but they are not even people.”
Not Russian citizens, even though they have the same voice in government that citizens do.
That is some stone cold logic there, mister Lyapunov. It does not at all make you sound like a officious, tail-covering goon. And that point about them being imported toys? Mwah. Love it. Take that, protesters!
And now that you mention it, this would explain why when I have Mr. Scruffy Puppy, Raggedy Ann and my Star Wars action figures over for tea I’m the only one who drinks any! All this time I thought they hated my tea!
It’s good to have this cleared up, this whole “who’s a person” thing, and the “should there be honesty in elections?” thing and the “Should Lego People have citizenship” debate that’s been tearing this country apart.
The Byronic Man 
February 15, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Wait…. what?! Next thing I know they’re going to tell me that the Lego town I built when I was ten doesn’t even count as a town and doesn’t belong on a map. REALLY NOW!
February 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Well, if any Russian bureaucrats try to protest there, you just ask for their papers.
February 15, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Is there no regard for how the toys get to their protest location? Do they… walk? No, because they are not people (or, sadly, robots). So… people put them there? So… they are emissaries of the people? So… this is a dumb discussion?
Ah, Mother Russia. You so craaayyyzee!
February 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Toys come from Santa. Who is NOT A RUSSIAN.
February 15, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Okay, this is just me thinking out loud here, but what if they used REAL animals (nooo, they don’t HAVE to be chipmunks, geesh)?
February 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Are these animals card-carrying citizens? Because even then, no. Permit denied.
February 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm
They need the Star Wars lego sets. In Russian. That will fix everything.
February 16, 2012 at 6:31 am
Worst case, they’d enjoy not having a political voice a little more. Plus, it’s Siberia – having the Hoth sets would be sweeeeeet!
February 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm
How can they be sure they’re not people? Aren’t most Russians stoical, devoid of personality, and relatively immobile? Just kidding, Boris!
February 16, 2012 at 6:33 am
Also tougher than coffin nails, so I’m going to have to respond with, “How dare you malign the image of our Russian bothers and sisters!”
February 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm
“… are not only not citizens of Russia but they are not even people.”
That caused me to snort wine. I should know better than to read your blog while I’m sipping something.
February 16, 2012 at 6:33 am
The best part is that that isn’t even a joke, that’s just the guy’s quote.
February 16, 2012 at 4:32 am
“Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear.” —- –Confucious Lego
February 16, 2012 at 4:49 am
Brilliant, brilliant! Confucious Lego – oh, my gawd.
February 16, 2012 at 6:35 am
You have the “Great Chinese Philosophers” Lego set, too?!
February 16, 2012 at 6:18 am
How about if all the little toys had a sponsor…like Stolichnaya Vodka. They could march with little shot glasses in their hands and protest until they pass out…much like the government officials themselves. 🙂
February 16, 2012 at 6:37 am
Or they could drop the protesters in people’s drinks, like umbrellas. “Gimme a Siberian Protester,” you could say to the bartender.
February 16, 2012 at 6:58 am
Or a “pour me a pint of Putin.”
February 16, 2012 at 7:55 am
Whew. Glad that’s Mother Russia not the Good Ol’ US of A cos if they’re not counting figurines that look like people, they may have a problem with my claiming Bobby as a dependent and YOU KNOW he’s a dependent.
February 16, 2012 at 9:02 am
Wait…so Teddy Ruxpin isn’t really my best friend?
February 16, 2012 at 11:30 am
Of course he is.
February 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Funny stuff! So I thought I would mention it 🙂
http://analyseon.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/just-keep-on-blogging/
February 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm
You are brilliant. Again.
February 17, 2012 at 6:51 am
He really felt the need to explain “they are not even people” ? 1st, is that to mean there is russian law involving “inanimate objects” ?
2nd, I don’t think our resident unicorn pillow pet is going to be ok with being told shes not real….