“You Say It’s Your Birthday!” (dun dun dun dun dun!) “It’s… WHOSE Birthday, Too??”

October 5, 2011

Humor

You know that conversation where you talk about famous people who share your birthday?  I do not enjoy that conversation.  I think of this not because it’s my birthday (It was in July.  You missed it.  Don’t you feel awful?), but because another sad chapter has been added.  I was talking with a couple friends about the Amanda Knox case (she lives in Seattle, and she returned home yesterday after four years in Italian prison), and I was looking up some information about why she was set free when the case against her seemed pretty clear, and discovered – not a miscarriage of justice – but that she and I have the same birthday.

“Haaappy birthday, to you!  Happy birthday, tooo — No, no, no! I’ll cut the cake! Really! You, just sit there and relax, birthday boy! Ha ha ha! Eeeeverybody’s relaxed.”

Okay, so, no biggie.  I share a birthday with a woman who allegedly, maybe, probably stabbed someone to death during a drug-fueled orgy.  Means nothing.

The thing is, I also share my birthday with OJ Simpson.

And Courtney Love.

Sigh.

Try to put a positive spin on that. Go on, try.  It’s a conversation killer.  Someone says, “Oh, I have the same birthday as Julia Roberts, Winston Churchill and Richard Branson!  I must be sassy and charismatic!  Ha ha!”

Then the best I can counter with is, “Well, it’s worth noting that none of my people were actually convicted of murder.”

Sure, there’s armed robbery convictions, kidnapping, drug abuse, Love being declared an unfit mother, narcissism, deep insanity, one’s acquittal is being seen as a pure technicality, one’s is considered one of the great travesties of the American justice system, but Courtney Love almost certainly didn’t kill anyone!  Why, the worst you could say is that in her relentless, megalomaniacal drive for fame she pushed her suffering husband ever deeper into a nightmare of drugs until the only way out he saw was to shoot himself and that, my friends, is not a crime!

You can see why I don’t like the conversation.

All I can come up with, for positive spin:

They’re all pretty attractive people.  That’s something.

OJ was really funny in those Naked Gun movies (which were, of course, written by other people) and Courtney Love had some good songs with her band Hole (when the songs were written by other, more successful musicians).  So, you know… there’s a sort of talent there.

Look how nice he is. Look! NO, DON’T LOOK OVER AT THEM! I SAID LOOK AT HANKS!!

Maybe it’s karmic alignment.  After all, it’s also Tom Hanks’ birthday.  Maybe he and I are just so good that it maintains some cosmic harmony.  That or Hanks secretly hits children with his Oscars.

Really, what’s more impressive: not being insane and stabbing people, or not being insane and stabbing people when clearly your astrology is telling you to just go berserk.

See?  These are not impressive.  Any ideas?

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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20 Comments on ““You Say It’s Your Birthday!” (dun dun dun dun dun!) “It’s… WHOSE Birthday, Too??””

  1. Maria Says:

    You may share it with others, but w/your distinctive style, you make it ALL your own!

    Reply

  2. She's a Maineiac Says:

    I don’t know. Tom Hanks also used to make a living wearing heels and lipstick as a Bosom Buddy. (am I helping you out any here?)

    My bday is shared by Raquel Welch, Bob Newhart and Freddie Mercury. “We are the champions….my friends…”

    Reply

    • Byron MacLymont Says:

      Bob Newhart??!! I’d kill to share his birthday! (But not really. Don’t worry)

      Well, I did appear in a play in drag, so maybe I’m closer to the Hanks end of the spectrum. That might help…

      Reply

  3. madtante Says:

    I’ve never “had that conversation” before but in hs, some teacher made me look up whose bdays were on MY day (back then, we used books). The only ones I recall are Pablo Picasso and Toulouse-Lautrec. I seem to remember they’re creative aholes. I’m an ahole & some people say I’m creative…I mean, my taxes say I’m an artist…

    I don’t think my experience helps prove the “sucking up all the good” theory, sadly. Oh, and all three of us creative aholes spent time in France (I worked there a year in my 20s).

    Reply

  4. becomingcliche Says:

    I share a birthday with one of the cast of “Sound of Music.” Jealous?

    Reply

  5. undefinedhorizon Says:

    My birthday is International Holocaust Remembrance day, Apollo 1 exploded and killed all of the aboard astronauts in the resulting fire, and was the day the U.S. Congress approved the forced relocation of Eastern Native Americans with what became the “Trail of Tears” =P The irony: I’m a part native american (cherokee) person who wants to be an astronaut. Hmmm….

    Reply

    • Byron MacLymont Says:

      So, not just Native American, but one of the very tribes on the Trail of Tears. Well, I’ll admit, those are some pretty dark events to commemorate on your birthday. You could convert to Judaism and just really make it a day of total fury-overload.

      Reply

  6. Deborah the Closet Monster Says:

    No suggestions, but I would say that that Hanks guy has nothing on you! 😉

    After researching the matter deeply*, I discovered a share a birthday with Gavin Rossdale. Yippee?

    I also share a birthday with Henry Winkler. Yippee!

    Not sure what I should be drawing from that. But I did work as an extra on Arrested Development one time, so I could conclude with an aside. It’s what I do best, after all!

    * About 3 seconds

    Reply

    • Byron MacLymont Says:

      1. Winkler is supposed to be one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, ever. So that’s a good sign.

      2. Word on the street is that the creators are pushing hard for not just the fabled AD movie, but also a 10-episode fourth season. I’m skeptical, but how cool would that be?

      Reply

  7. gojulesgo Says:

    Man. You totally got the short end of the birthday candle with this. But, now I AM more impressed that you’re not insane/stabbing people (er, I’m PRETTY sure…) when your astrology demands otherwise. So. That’s something.

    Also, I’m giggling picturing Tom Hanks clubbing his kids with his Oscars.

    P.S. – Hitler shot himself on my birthday. I’ve always taken that as a good sign.

    Reply

  8. k8edid Says:

    All I’ve got is:

    Mozart, Chris Collinsworth, Keith Olbermann, William Randolph Hearst, Lewis Carroll, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Bridget Fonda, Skitch Henderson, Donna Reed, and my baby brother, born on my 17th birthday.

    Reply

  9. Hollie Says:

    I’ve got Greg Rusedski, Tim Henman and Idris Elba. Does this mean I should be good at tennis?

    Reply

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