A couple of bloggers have been kind enough to name me for the Versatile Blogger award. (That’s why I’ve been in absentia for a few days now – I was at the awards ceremony in Copenhagen. Well, I assumed there was an awards ceremony, and that it was in Copenhagen, but couldn’t seem to find it. I also tried Ibiza and Amsterdam, but no ceremony. I will keep looking.)
Little-known fact: When you win a Nobel prize, you also get a lifetime's supply of dynamite. Free!
Now, I don’t totally know what the Versatile Blogger Award is, but I’m going to assume it’s the single most prestigious award on the planet, as I have no specific evidence proving otherwise – nor would I be willing to acknowledge such evidence. Has Bono received the Versatile Blogger award? No, he has not. Nelson Mandela? He wishes. Jane Goodall? Well, maybe her. She’s got those chimps wrapped around her little finger.
I’m hoping it comes with something I can wear around so people know – you know, like when you win the Olympics you get that olive crown, or if you win the Masters in golf you get a sports jacket, or if you win a Nobel Prize you get a pair of galoshes.
In any case, apparently there are rules involved. The thing is, I am a brooding, ruggedly handsome rebel, so I balk at your “rules,” man. However, I also like getting praise and approval, so I will follow them. I may, however, break one just to remind the world of my bad-assery. But not one that might make people like me less. So, it involves thanking the nominators, listing blogs you’ve read recently, and then listing some things about yourself.
Part one is to thank the person/people who… what… nominated me? Bestowed this upon me? I don’t know. So, easy. Thank you very kindly to two bloggers who are renowned throughout the Internet for their wit, kindness and good taste, Midsummer Dreams And Winter Tales and JB Maddawg. It’s very thoughtful of you to not only know who I am, but to have positive associations with me.
Second, is to mention 15 blogs I’ve enjoyed recently. This one’s really tough, and not just because of having to put in 15 links. This one almost by definition involves not listing someone, then realizing it later, and feeling like I forgot to invite them to my birthday party. I have to be honest, the temptation to just list, say, 15 blogs about government conspiracies to cover up aliens is almost unbearable, just because I think it’d be funny to suggest that that’s all I read; but, I also can’t deny the opportunity to promote people I’ve read and enjoyed lately. So here they are, in no particular order (unless the order makes you happy, then pretend there’s an order).
- Go Guilty Pleasures – Humor site. Fresh, very funny, and just so damned likable.
- Japecake – After reading his humor site I frequently angrily mutter, “I should’ve thought of that…”
- Cassie Biehle – Humor blog, sometimes autobiographical, sometimes pie charts, and proof of life in Nebraska
- The Martini Chronicles – Autobiographical – lots or dating, booze and the occasional mammogram.
- Girl on the Contrary – Funny, sharp, charming… you know what? Don’t read hers. I might not hear from you again.
- Blogdramedy – Sharp observational humor, the occasional political rant. If you like “moxie,” you’ll like Blogdramedy.
- H.E. Ellis – Very clever writing from a very interesting person
- Lessons From Teachers & Twits – Title kind of says it all. Reflections on wisdom gained through parenting and teaching.
- K8edid – Travel writing, humor, photography.
- Pithypants – Extremely clever blogger; personal and funny.
- Deborah, The Closet Monster – Very sincere, well-written blog. Largely autobiographical. Some Comic-con, some parenting, some Buffy references.
- Brainrants – Lots of funny reflections on the life of a career soldier.
- Opinions Expressed May Be Incorrect – Way too prolific. Lots of off-the-cuff humor and observations or rural life.
- Gow – Humor writing and writing about humor
- She’s A Maineiac – Humor on living in Maine and parenting. Now into vlogging. Very cutting edge stuff. Ayuh.
- Truthspew – Lots of short bursts or moments out of his life. Well, kind of a spew of truth.
"What are you blogging against, Byronic Man?" "Whaddya got?"
What’s that? That’s 16, you say? Was I not supposed to do that? Pa-chew! Rebel time! Your cage has been rattled! Your machine has been raged against! Oh man, sometimes I even shake up my own world. Will nothing tame me?
Seven things about myself. Hm.
- I was born without a torso. My head, neck, arms & legs are all proportionate to a 6’ tall male, yet I’m only 3’ 8” because of my lack of torso.
- I sometimes use humor to deflect revealing personal things about myself. It can get pretty irritating, actually.
-
See? See? There's the head on the left, ridged back, tail off to the right.
When I was a kid, I thought that hills were covering dinosaur fossils. I planned to push back the dirt when I grew up and reveal them, and become a very famous archeologist.
- The very first paid stand-up comedy gig I had was as the opening act for a Diversity Festival. Not a humor festival – just… a festival. Poetry. Interpretive Dance. Confessional speeches. Apparently, someone decided to start things off with “White Male.” “Hey everyone, thanks for coming, let’s get things started with some comedy; please welcome to the stage: The Reason We’re All So Angry!” clap clap clap. “Hey, thanks, what a great crowd! It’s terrific to be here! I just flew in from oppressing minorities, and boy are my arms tired!” I was not a huge hit.
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"A marriage starts with a wedding. But what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary defines it as 'The act or process of removing weeds.'" Okay, your turn! Now you do one!
I love The Simpsons. If I were in a conversation with a like-minded soul, and we just sat there throwing out quotes from the first 10-seasons or so, I genuinely cannot imagine what would happen to make me tire of the conversation. Dehydration, perhaps.
- I’ve recently started taking guitar lessons. If you have a band that plays songs very slowly, and you need a guitarist who can only play 5-bar blues and a few chords (Not F. I believe the f-chord is purely theoretical, and cannot actually be played), I’m your guy.
- I really, really like it and feel deep appreciation when people notice something I’ve written and enjoy it. And if they’re compelled to point it out? I’m beside myself.
The Byronic Man 
October 2, 2011 at 8:10 am
I appreciate the nod on the award, thank you. I like your site as well, which is why I subscribed.
October 2, 2011 at 8:25 am
When I was a kid I was convinced you could actually dig to China. I think my dad told me that to keep me occupied while he golfed.
October 2, 2011 at 9:25 am
Well, clearly you had your Wheaties today because you had the presence of mind to put the greatest blog ever (okay, fine, tied with yours) at the very top of the list! Thank you!!! I’m definitely in good company with your list. And I had been missing your posts, by the way. #4 on your list of things about yourself is amazing (sooo wish I’d been there!). They all are, really, when you consider the fact that they were written without a torso.
Just one question before I go: would it be considered versatile if, instead of talking about chipmunks dressed as other animals, I posted actual pictures of chipmunks dressed as other animals?
October 2, 2011 at 11:08 am
I think the word you’re looking for isn’t “versatile” but “awesomesauce.” We may need additional input on this point, though!
October 2, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Well, you could go with people dressed as chipmunks, but that would attract a pretty specialized group of people. Maybe just go all chipmunk, all the time. Biology, a serialized novel of a brave chipmunk, hilarious captions under photos, why squirrels are the devil’s minions, etc.
October 2, 2011 at 11:15 am
I just flew in from oppressing minorities, and boy are my arms tired!
HA! My uber-sexy guffaws at that awakened Ba.D. from a hardcore nap. This was excellent to read about, but I imagine it wasn’t so excellent to be there.
Is it weird of me to be jealous of your younger self for that awesome dinosaur/hill connection? Why didn’t my younger self get that? Car trips would have been so much more enjoyable!
I’m looking forward to telling Li’l D that’s what hills are! Is that considered lying, or creating a sense of wonder?
October 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm
I thought it was just so obvious, about the hills. I apparently thought dinosaurs were hundreds of feet long.
Maybe if you’re going to tell Li’l D, start with, “I read that someone thinks hills are hiding dinosaurs bones…” Then you’re in the clear.
October 2, 2011 at 11:59 am
Doh…..thanks for the nod – I recently was nominated 5 times in the same week, so I’ll just repeat/reblog. I do appreciate the fact that you (and the 5 others) have read my blog.
I always thought hills were the normal part and the rest of the earth was scooped out to make them look so tall.
I don’t believe I’ve ever met someone born without a torso. Must make clothes shopping quite interesting…
October 2, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Not to mention playing the guitar.
October 2, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Oh, I’m full of surprises.
October 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I laughed all the way through your acceptance speech. Well, damn, it is the most prestigious award in the history of awards! And I’m honored to be your number…uh…15. Oh. Yeah. Thanks!
Interesting to read that you don’t have a torso. That has got to be difficult. I admire your ability to press on in spite of things.
Don’t get me started on The Simpsons. Too late. y’know, Matt Groening went to Evergreen. It’s true, ayuh. My favorite lines? The episode when Homer is impersonating Mr. Burns and when asked what his first name is, he says, “I…..don’t….know…” I use that line all day, every day in my best Homer voice. Can be a bit annoying, but it’s pretty effective at stopping any conversation dead in its tracks.
October 2, 2011 at 2:28 pm
What I especially love about the “I… don’t… know” scene is that Bart suggests he say he’s Mr. Burns to get the letter and all they ask for is his name, and when he blows it, he blames Bart for coming up with such a difficult plan. “Great plan, Bart.”
October 2, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Wow, I made the list! I’m so honored! And number four, too. My work here is complete.
October 2, 2011 at 1:11 pm
PS – You forgot to mention the multitude of spiders and dead people. Which is why I need the booze.
October 2, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I think they’ve started putting that on liquor bottles: “For use after exposure to spiders. Recommended dosage: one swig per spider.”
October 3, 2011 at 10:59 am
Now, how did you know #3 is my favorite number and that I am always incessantly pining for discreet recognition? 😉 Thanks for the shout-out!
I recently read some of your stories aloud to the bf on a trip to Omaha (Yes, it’s a town in Nebraska. Yes, we have towns). He agreed with me: they’re awesome. Congrats on the Versatile Blogger Award and keep up the hilarious writing!
Favorite Simpsons quote: “Smithers, I’ve got a rocket in my pocket.”
October 4, 2011 at 5:24 am
I’ve never been to Nebraska, but I’ve certainly heard a lot about… the… okay, I haven’t heard a lot about it. Actually, though, I had a friend from Nebraska and he was one of the most outrageous people I’ve ever known, so that has to speak highly for the state. Thanks for telling me about reading my stories to the bf, and telling me that he enjoyed them (even if you’re lying, I still appreciate it).
October 3, 2011 at 11:22 am
Many thanks for the vote* of confidence.
*= declaration made at gunpoint
October 4, 2011 at 5:20 am
You know, there’s been no scientific link proven between threatening people at gunpoint and their decision-making. It’s purely speculation. So, the vote is still valid.
October 3, 2011 at 11:28 am
Does this mean I got invited to your birthday party??! Because, I’m actually really fun at parties.
I’m going to assume I did get invited to your birthday party and I ‘m going to assume it’s in Las Vegas this weekend and I’m also going to assume that you are whatever guy answers yes to the question “Are you celebrating your birthday this weekend?” It’s going to be a splendid occasion!
October 4, 2011 at 5:18 am
You know, according to quantum mechanics, there’s an infinite number of universes for every possible option and decision. Which means in one of these, you’re going to go to Vegas, ask a random guy if it’s his birthday, and that person will in fact be me! Hopefully we’ll have a terrific time.
October 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Truly deserving of the award. I’ve begun using the word “shan’t” because of you. And you’re right, the F chord is truly a mystery. It’s riddles can really only be solved by punk rock guitarists, quite obviously, because of their long and creepy fingers. Stick with D minor, the saddest of all keys.
October 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm
I do like D minor.
It’s so funny you mention “Shan’t” because that short, little post is by far my most popular; consistently, month after month. Hardly anyone comments on it, but it gets searched for and read again and again and I can’t, for the life of me, figure what people are searching for that leads them to that post. In any case, I’m glad to spread a little “shan’ting” in the world.
October 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Thanks for the shout out. It’s nice to be recognized by someone I enjoy reading. Full disclosure, I have a Versatile Blogger post I’ve been sitting on since May, and I still haven’t managed to pull the trigger on it. My goal is to get it out the door before Christmas, mainly because I want to pay it forward and keep the exposure rolling for everyone, especially since this has been a mechanism for exposing me to bloggers I otherwise wouldn’t have found on my own.
OK. I’m rambling now. That’s the wine typing. In summary: Thanks for doing me a solid! I’ll hit you back. 🙂
October 6, 2011 at 5:15 am
Yeah, they’re not nothing to write up. I thought I’d dash it out real quick-like, but the “who you’ve read” is tough and the “things about myself” is tougher.
For example, Good Greatsby. I’m realizing that forgot to list Good Greatsby. I’m an idiot. If for some reason you, who are reading these comments, haven’t read Good Greatsby, go do it right now.
October 5, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Oh, and by the way… “S-M-R-T! I am so smart!”