How, Really, To Fold A Fitted Sheet

September 17, 2012

Humor

Elegance At Home, With Your Host: The Byronic Man!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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108 Comments on “How, Really, To Fold A Fitted Sheet”

  1. Go Jules Go Says:

    Maybe it would have worked if you were wearing ‘stache glasses?

    Reply

  2. k8edid Says:

    Oh, that was too funny. I give it a “3 paper towel” coffee snort (as you know, this is the early morning equivalent of 3 thumbs up). I’m going to show it to my husband, who doesn’t think even flat sheets should be folded – just stuffed in the closet or put back on the bed.

    Reply

  3. becomingcliche Says:

    “A regular sheet and a staple gun!” HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Squish gives it a big thumbs up, which says a great deal, as he’s a thumb sucker and had to take it out of his mouth to do so.

    Reply

  4. Ape No. 1 Says:

    That’s how I fold everything including our toy plastic Aussie money, my legs during yoga class, and time when creating small localized worm holes.

    Reply

  5. She's a Maineiac Says:

    That’s pretty much how all my household chores end up.
    Now do one on how to organize mismatched tupperware containers. (I just end up throwing them all in a huge heap in the cupboard, then run away crying)
    (bravo on the video, B!)

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Thanks – I intentionally waited until it was getting late to do it, because I knew my editing instincts would have me tinkering for hours, instead of just making a little video. I desperately want to to had better color-balance, opening titles, bleeps during the “swearing,’ elegant music at the beginning and end, for me to stop moving like I’m trying to avoid a bee, etc, etc etc…

      Reply

      • She's a Maineiac Says:

        Nah–none of that extra video editing crapola that I rely on in my vlogs (ahem) is necessary. You’ve got the hypnotic voice and acting abilities…what more do you need, really? I predict this little video goes viral on YouTube.

        This should be a weekly feature. You and Babs can compete against each other.

        Reply

  6. Elyse Says:

    I’ve been trying to fold fitted sheets for many years. Now, thanks to you, B-man, I know the secret. A staple gun. Thanks!

    Reply

  7. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Hahaha…the part where you are yelling at the sheet, oh that is so me. My husband actually taught me how to fold a fitted sheet. I know, I know but he is so good at it, he could actually get it back in the packaging…be afraid.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      When people can do that it freaks me out. It’s maddening because it started there, so clearly it’s possible, but it really seems like it’s dehydrated or something, because once it’s out it’s OUT out.

      Reply

  8. Eagle-Eyed Editor Says:

    *falls off chair while laughing hysterically*

    Martha Stewart, watch out. The B-Man is providing serious competition!!

    Reply

  9. Babs Says:

    You know. If you don’t get it flat, there won’t be enough room for skeletons. Yes. Shhhhh.

    Reply

  10. Hippie Cahier Says:

    Be the rectangle, sheet. Be the rectangle.

    Reply

  11. Michelle Gillies Says:

    I usually just skip right to that heated conversation with the sheet step.

    Reply

  12. andshelaughs Says:

    My teenage son will benefit from your wisdom. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your masculine domestic tips!

    Reply

  13. mistyslaws Says:

    Well now. I do believe I have found my new favorite cable access program. From the studious reading of what no doubt is a volume of the Encyclopedia Britanica, to the “surprised look” of realizing you have visitors/cameramen, to the bohemian barefoot nature of the host in his tutorial. This has it all!! Not to mention the serious talking to that you are giving that sheet when it will not cooperate with your skillful folding technique. You sure did learn that sheet it’s place. Bravo, B. Bra-vo!

    Reply

  14. Transitioning Mom Says:

    Gathering my girlfriends around with some wine and staple guns as we anxiously await learning how to feng shui our napkins!

    Seriously funny! You and Jules could start your own network!

    Reply

  15. Le Clown Says:

    The Byronic Man,
    A great introduction to your blog. Practicality over substance, I say. My kids will learn your technique.
    Beautiful voice, and handsome fella, too.
    Le Clown

    Reply

  16. musingsoftheamusingmuse Says:

    LMFAO. Okay… I have nothing more to comment… just LMFAO!

    Reply

  17. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson Says:

    Byro: May I say, if I’m not too forward, you are a man who knows how to wear jeans. Now what was that about a sheet? Off to watch again. And again.

    You know, until I see the sheet part.

    Reply

  18. Lisha @ The Lucky Mom Says:

    Noooo. {Must fold sheets neatly. Must fold sheets neatly.} Excuse me while I go get some benadryl. I’m breaking out in OCD-induced hives over this.

    Reply

  19. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    LOL. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
    You should do videos more often. You’re, uh, easy on the eyes. I mean, you’re funny. :oops:

    Reply

  20. Bluejellybeans Says:

    Nothing sexier than a man folding a fitted sheet ;)

    Reply

  21. sj Says:

    MOAR VIDEOS! Seriously, I am still laughing. Baby Girl is looking at me like I’m crazy because she knows how little coffee I’ve had so far today.

    Reply

    • sj Says:

      YES I AM REPLYING TO MYSELF, SHUT UP. Mostly because I just watched again and now I want to know what that tattoo on your forearm is. How has no one else asked about that?

      Reply

      • The Byronic Man Says:

        Oh, this evil wizard killed my parents, and then tried to kill me but it just left this mark on my arm… oh, wait, that was someone else.

        It says “ne parcas, nec spernas.” We’re part of clan Lamont on my father’s side, and that’s the clan motto. It’s extremely old and its exact meaning is a little debated, but – in essence – it means to be neither too wrathful, nor too lenient. Moderation. Justice.

        Reply

  22. anecdotaltales Says:

    Amusing, as always. And as a bachelor, I decree there shall be no folding of sheets in my realm. Creases are -in-, baby.

    Reply

  23. rambling jill Says:

    So Knotty!

    Reply

  24. Kara d. Says:

    Haha, my husband will be so happy to know he has been doing it right this whole time….wait if he has been doing it right that must make me *eeeppp, gasp* wrong *cringe*
    Okay, he will never see this video and know that my 99%-right-all-the-time might have gone down a %

    Reply

  25. asoulwalker Says:

    Seriously… you need some stache glasses.

    Reply

  26. pegoleg Says:

    This was SO needed. You’d be surprised at all the misinformation out there about this important topic – hah!
    Next, could you address the crucial question of how to remove carpet lint from fitted sheets?

    Reply

  27. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    that is exactly how I fold it when I am patient–mostly I just skip to step 3

    Reply

  28. rachelocal Says:

    Jules just informed me that this was your first vlog. I’m an old pro, having published one last week. I have to say, while I was indeed engaged by your technique and articulate delivery, I believe ‘stache glasses (which I didn’t forget to feature in my video. ahem.) make everything easier. That sheet would have submitted without step 3 had you been wearing them. (It worked for Babs.)

    Reply

  29. skippingstones Says:

    You are so effing brilliant! :)

    Reply

  30. susielindau Says:

    I am so glad that you kept your cool!
    By the way, your leather book was upside down… :)

    Reply

  31. dinkerson Says:

    Brilliant as always. I’ve always wanted to know how to do that. Seems almost dangerous.

    Reply

  32. Shannon Says:

    That is EXACTLY how my husband folds sheets. Only his language is way worse. I, on the other hand, fold in a more civilized fashion, standing in my laundry, gazing out the window at the birds, listening to the radio, and then, AH! Perfectly square fitted sheet package ready to be stacked with the other perfectly square linens. Must be a girl thing.

    Reply

  33. The Good Greatsby Says:

    Not only don’t I know how to fold a fitted sheet, I’m not even sure what a sheet is for.

    Reply

  34. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    OMG You made folding sheets so easy now even we Indians can do it…yay..

    Reply

  35. benzeknees Says:

    Love the video! You’re easy on the eyes as a lot of women ahead of me have already stated. Just one thing – I prefer not to fold my clean laundry on my dirty carpet, just a thing I have, you know. BTW, packing tape works wonders on pet hair!

    Reply

  36. Valentine Logar Says:

    Why fold? My mother made me iron and put directly on the bed, now I skip the ironing and put them directly on the bed. Extras are crumpled up into the linen chest until required at which point they are thrown into the dryer for fluffiness and then, you guessed it put directly on the bed.

    But if you must fold, you are a master. I bow, I genuflect.

    Reply

  37. Kim Says:

    You’re a rectangle!!! You’re a rectangle!!! Man, if I had a dollar for evertime I yelled THAT out…

    Reply

  38. thesinglecell Says:

    I didn’t know there had been so much talk lately on this subject, but yours is probably the best demonstration on the matter that I’ve ever seen. (That sounds like a spam comment.) My mother is fantastic at folding fitted sheets. She’s taught me a couple times. I still do it the way you did it in step two.

    Reply

  39. Lorna's Voice Says:

    It’s been a long time since I giggled alone in my living room. Neighbors are going to start to wonder what the heck I’m doing. That was too freaking funny!

    My floor is never clean enough to start like you did and I don’t have anger-management issues, so, as a tutorial, your video wasn’t as helpful and it was therapeutic. :)

    This should be Freshly Pressed. Tell me is was…

    Reply

  40. Sandy Sue Says:

    Feng Shui with Staple Guns!

    Reply

  41. Maria Says:

    Begin with a good brow beating – I’ve wondered for years where i went wrong w/that sheet. *grin*

    Reply

  42. The Bumble Files Says:

    Thanks for the tips, Bryo. That was brilliant and well executed. Sorry I’ve been absent. I see I’ve really been missing out!

    Reply

  43. spilledinkguy Says:

    Not to brag or anything… but I’m kind of an expert at this sort of thing.
    I just skip to step three.

    Reply

  44. Angie Z. Says:

    Well done! I am so on board with your technique here, B-Man. Except for the part where you lay it on the floor. I have two furry cats and a dog who actually ejects 300 hairs from her back every time she exhales. If my fitted sheet touches the floor, I might as well throw it in the trash.

    Reply

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