There is a peace that comes from beginning to see
closed doors as
resolution, instead of loss.
And in the happiness at what is,
Instead of the fury at what is not.
And it isn’t that time seems short, but rather
It has become tangible. Like you could
Reach out
And
Touch it, if only
you could find
Your god damn glasses.
Because apparently your eyes are basically garnish at this point.
And as you see each day as a moment
Perfect in its way,
And discover that, oh hey, something new hurts,
There’s a FUCKING SHOCKER.
Let me guess, I did something ill-advised like wake up without properly stretching first?
What
the fuck?
Oh yep, ankle’s frozen, too. Must not have done the
RUBIK’S CUBE OF STRETCHES NEEDED TO GET THAT JOINT MOVING.
Sure glad I “pushed through the pain” when I rolled it in 1997!!
I mean seriously, when they said “life is pain” I thought it was existential; not, like, “everything from the waist down is bursitis and knots”
Oh, what? What’s that, person in your 20s?
You make your own homeopathic medicine from essential oils and
Want me to try them?
Wow, that’s super cool and I’d surely love to hear more about your tinctures
But I have to re-up my Costco membership because I’m almost out of Advil!
The apparent biological key to my continued survival is strategically placed reserves of pudge and body hair!
I’m banging on the door of Club Middle-Age and the password is “sciatic nerve”!
Oh god.
Oh, god, I’m going to die someday.
I’m going to die someday
I’M GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY
Don’t you fucking smile at me, people in your 60s and 70s.
Don’t you smile at me with your
“Wisdom,” and your “We’ve all been there” and your “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet”
This is DIFFERENT and you KNOW IT.
This is DIFFERENT because
THIS is happening TO ME!!!!
Yeah! That’s right!
I still operate like I’m the center of the universe!
Suck it, Maturity and Perspective!
Oh, but not like when I was younger and believed my journey was
Somehow
More important than others.
Now I just HOPE it’s true so that
When I DO die
I take ALL OF YOU WITH ME!!!
Ha ha ha!
Whooooo!!!
I had to put on my reading glasses to pluck my ear hair!!
Yeah, every part of that experience makes you feel good!
I’m sorry.
Hm. Ah…
What was I saying…?
Probably something about wisdom? Probably?
I mean
I know the difference between bad whiskey and good now
Allow me
To demonstrate.
The Byronic Man 
July 9, 2020 at 6:05 am
Glad to see you’re posting again. 😉 (She said, lamenting how simply turning around, not even with a flourish or anything, caused her hip flexor to become so severely injured she cannot move without pain, because apparently, at this age, this is her life now.)
July 9, 2020 at 6:07 am
Also, happy birthday. 🙂
July 14, 2020 at 9:09 pm
Thanks – and yeah, those are the one’s that get you. “How’d you hurt your back?” “Throwing sand bags on a levee. How’d you hurt yours?” “Getting off a stubborn sock.”
July 15, 2020 at 8:41 am
Yeah, definitely. GAH.
July 9, 2020 at 6:46 am
Happy birthday! I can relate but at least I’m still waking up every morning so far.
July 14, 2020 at 9:08 pm
As Carl Reiner used to say, “Every morning I read the obituary. If I’m not in it, I eat breakfast.”
July 15, 2020 at 12:29 pm
rofl! I love it!
July 9, 2020 at 9:50 am
Oh how I’ve missed reading your posts lol; I struggle with birthdays and another one is coming up in less than a month…*sigh* so I almost literally felt this haha! I’ll be 39 so some of that doesn’t quite apply just yet (though working in a fulfillment facility for Amazon has sped up some of that process…oh such aches and pains!) Anyway….happy birthday! Hope something good comes from it. 🙂
July 14, 2020 at 9:04 pm
Really? Amazon facility – that’s got to be intense. You can apply the wisdom of Indiana Jones: “It ain’t the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”
July 17, 2020 at 10:29 am
Yeah this facility has been “bragging” so to speak about making 150 changes due to this virus to help protect us lol; translation…super crazy, intense and constant change (more than usual for them) and it’s been stressful but only acceptance works at this point lol; yes Indy has great advice 🙂
July 9, 2020 at 4:59 pm
Oh, you know, age is just a number. Like a number of times you have to get up to go to the bathroom.
Happy birthday, hope it takes you less than 50 years for the next post. 🙂
July 14, 2020 at 9:05 pm
No guarantees… I’m taking a “when the muse sings” approach to posting, which has historically proven to be a pathetically terrible strategy.
July 9, 2020 at 10:24 pm
I read this the day after my 59th birthday. Thank you for putting it so eloquently. Different paths, but we can see {blurrily} many of the same landmarks. Happy birthday! My mother used to say “Getting old really sucks, but it beats the Hell out of the alternative!” She’s been trying the alternative for a decade now, but I’ve so far been unable to ask her if she was right.
July 10, 2020 at 11:26 am
Happy birthday! I bedaubed my bifocals and plowed through the pain caused by my plantar fasciitis in my excitement to get to get to my computer to read your post. Hope you are well (as well as can be expected at your age, that is) and that you can find it in yourself to blog a bit more for those of us who missed you.
July 14, 2020 at 9:07 pm
Ugh, plantar fasciitis. Ugh.
And yes, I’m definitely more well than this post would suggest…
July 11, 2020 at 5:49 pm
Hey, I appreciate you sharing the PW with those of us behind you in line.
July 16, 2020 at 4:42 am
Turning 50 was amazing for me. the year that followed is still my favourite. I can’t imagine turning 50 this year. Let’s face it, any age young or old sucks this year. St. Patrick’s Day I sat at my computer dressed and ready to go out to celebrate my birthday like every year before with the best party ever thrown by random strangers. That’s when things shut down here. There was no celebration. No St. Patrick’s Day. I couldn’t even imagine! Of course I wouldn’t have imagined every thing that has followed since either.
I do hope you were able to celebrate or mark the occasion somehow that was fun. Perhaps next year you can have a double celebration. Happy Birthday!
July 27, 2020 at 1:09 am
Happy 50th!
I have missed this blog. It has been a while since you wrote right?
August 9, 2020 at 1:38 pm
Fantastic. Go for it, because only you can be you.