All I ask are moments of peace where I can stop and be in the moment.
All I ask is to be grateful for the things I have.
All I ask is for motivational images that don’t actually connect to the motivation.
All I ask is to be trusted and worthy of trust.
All I ask is to have the courage to try new things, and to be immediately better at them than everyone else.
All I ask is to be liked by people I can’t stand.
All I ask is the ability to orgasm at will.
All I ask is that my friends be less successful than me.
All I ask is to remain at my physical peak with little effort on my part.
All I ask is that “little effort” mean “no effort.”
All I ask is that the things I purchase never break or get worn out.
All I ask is that for one month a year (October? May?) the schools be devoted to teaching good things about me.
All I ask is that, when I have a conflict with someone, they acknowledge that it’s them, not me.
No offense.
All I ask is for a state to be named after me.
All I ask is that it not be North Dakota or Florida.
All I ask is that the world’s population be reduced by 4 billion without anyone suffering.
All I ask is for a God who has the exact same opinions I do.
All I ask is to be able to make things explode with my mind.
And, really… is that so much?
The Byronic Man 
September 26, 2013 at 3:29 am
Sounds legit to me. I don’t want to make things explode with my mind, however I would enjoy punching people in the face with my mind, which would leave them dazed & confused. I will admit, I have tried…no luck yet.
September 27, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Could be a delayed reaction – they feel it after you leave. Which is even better!
September 26, 2013 at 4:13 am
…and a bag of chips with a small soft drink.
September 27, 2013 at 2:57 pm
Exactly – small. No need to be greedy.
September 26, 2013 at 4:29 am
Hopefully the making things explode with one’s mind doesn’t happen at the same time as the, er, orgasming at will. Because that could get messy fast.
September 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm
And people might get the wrong idea. “No, no, the exploding head isn’t causing the, uh… look you misunderstand…”
September 26, 2013 at 4:38 am
No.
September 26, 2013 at 4:41 am
All I ask is that someone reads this comment to this post and gives me a six-figure book deal.
September 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm
Totally reasonable.
September 26, 2013 at 5:01 am
Not a lot at all. And orgasming at will is quite useful, but of limited application.
September 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm
True, but you’d probably cease to care about other applications.
September 26, 2013 at 5:01 am
You forgot x-Ray vision. But otherwise a brilliant fresh pressed worthy post! And an invisibility cloak. Or is that assumed that everyone wishes for one if those?
September 26, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Hedonist, a trip to anywhere public and seeing some such people would make you rethink x-ray vision. As my son put it when he was three: some people just look better with clothes on.
September 27, 2013 at 5:25 am
I used to have the debate with coworkers and they’d always point to certain bosses as reasons why not to have it. I always said that id look out of pure curiosity and got them to admit it as well. But X-ray vision would serve me well beyond clothes. Which is what I was talking about. You perv.
September 27, 2013 at 12:12 pm
Let’s be serious. You’re curious about looking at unattractive people naked and *I* am the perv? What sense does that make? None. That’s what. Hahahaha!
September 26, 2013 at 5:50 am
Seems reasonable. But you forgot far reacing fame and immeasurable fortune. Or is that just me?
September 27, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Oh, I want to have those things, but not want them. If you follow me.
September 26, 2013 at 6:31 am
A chicken in every pot would be nice*.
*Except in vegetarian households.
September 26, 2013 at 12:26 pm
Okay. I though you wrote a chicken AND pot. I was on board.
September 26, 2013 at 2:45 pm
I’m ok with that.
September 27, 2013 at 3:00 pm
They can have a chicken too, it’ll just be a buddy, instead of a meal.
September 26, 2013 at 6:48 am
No pony? You don’t want a pony?
September 27, 2013 at 3:00 pm
Maybe a zebra. Or a pegasus.
September 26, 2013 at 7:36 am
And for Uncle Eddies Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies to have no effect on my blood sugar, weight, or metabolism. And for elevator music to always be heavy metal.
September 27, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Could call on the food. Maybe booze that never makes you feel bad.
September 26, 2013 at 7:42 am
Would the explosions happen automatically or would there be a period of pause where you can ponder an instinctive thought that you want something to blow up? What if you’re in your car and it breaks down and some part of your subconscious is all “dammit, I just want to blow this car to bits!” then boom!!! That’s no good. There needs to be a red button or something that you mentally affirmatively touch I think.
September 27, 2013 at 3:01 pm
It’d probably require some sort of mental “Are you sure?” like when you try to reload a secure web page.
September 26, 2013 at 8:03 am
No. Not really….
September 26, 2013 at 9:31 am
Ha ha! But what about flying? You would then be a superhero. Excellent list!
September 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm
I thought about flying, but thought I’d save it.
September 26, 2013 at 11:50 am
What HE said.
September 26, 2013 at 12:05 pm
Reblogged on Serendipity. I love this. I mean, gee, yeah. Right. Uh huh. Me too.
September 26, 2013 at 12:25 pm
Wait a minute! Are you pretending to be a woman?
September 26, 2013 at 1:20 pm
“All I ask is for a God who has the exact same opinions I do.” I think God has more on His mind than I do. Thankfully.
September 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm
That one seems to be a pretty widespread consensus, though.
September 26, 2013 at 3:11 pm
I love how you got off to a very humble/self-less start, and then proceeded to list things that I am totally on board with.
September 26, 2013 at 3:43 pm
You forgot something about boatloads of money….you better add that in there. Physical boatloads of it.
September 26, 2013 at 7:43 pm
I enjoy your posts. They always make me laugh, and sometimes I think we may be long-lost siblings or something lol
September 26, 2013 at 7:59 pm
it’s even possible this isn’t demanding enough haha. i think there needs to be something in there about teleportation – means not having to have taxi money, pay for plane tickets, etc. time difference? wouldn’t mean a thing if you could just say “beam me up scotty” (or some variation of that phrase) and be done with it. 🙂
September 26, 2013 at 9:14 pm
You so funny… had me going for a minute. South Byronica might work.
September 27, 2013 at 4:19 pm
Methinks Sexy Stalin is in the house.
September 28, 2013 at 7:48 am
Personally, I don’t think that is too much to ask.
September 28, 2013 at 8:12 pm
Byronahoma? byronington? Byroniana? Byronsylvania? Byronisas? New Byronica? Byronalina? South Byronshire? Byronida? Byronaho? North Byronicadia? Take your pick.