A Very Un-Rockin’ Post, That Will Not Make Me A Star – And I’m Okay With That

April 4, 2013

Humor

Times it is okay, and not okay, to use the term “Rock Star” to describe someone:

“Sarah, you were a rock star at organizing that spaghetti-feed!” Not okay.  If you are involved with a spaghetti feed, you have ceased to be a star of rock.

DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER COLLATIIIIIING??!!

DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER COLLATIIIIIING??!!

“You got that paperwork done, sorted and filed already?  You’re such a rock star!”  Not okay.  It’s subtle difference, but notice how one is monotonous, tedious, and very rarely results in sexual encounters with multiple strangers.

“You played that concert like a rock star!”  Acceptable!  Notice the logic. *Note: unless a flute is involved.  Yes, I’m including Jethro Tull in that.  Especially Jethro Tull.

“Oh, I’m a rock star at parallel parking.”  Depends.  Does this end with needing to purchase a new vehicle?

“People tell me I’m kind of the rock star of shipping and receiving.”  Unacceptable, unless you have a pony tail and people are making fun of you when they say it.

“You got swindled of all your money like a rock star!”  Acceptable!

"Tattooed love boys!  I tore my neeaaAAAAHH MY GOD THAT WAS A BAD ONE! HOOOOO!"

“Tattooed love boys! I tore my neeaaAAAAHH MY GOD THAT WAS A BAD ONE! HOOOOO!  No, keep playing, I’ll deliver right here!”

“I was a rock star at giving birth.”  Hm.  Not… not really a frame of reference for this one.  I suppose, technically that’s true, unless there’s a totally off-the-hook Pretenders concert I don’t know about.

“You found my keys?  Oh, thank you; you’re a rock star!”  Unacceptable. Yes, we all know that Keith Richards is famous for his ability to find keys, but he’s the exception, people.

“You said something idiotic to a borderline plagiarized tune and are now proclaiming yourself a genius?  You’re such a rock star!”  Acceptable!

“Look at this hotel room!  You, my friend, are a rock star.”  Potentially.  I’m guessing you’re so happy because the room is tidy.  That or you’re expressing your horror at the trashed room in a manner that would leave a lot to tone and cadence.  We’ll go with a case-by-case on this one.

And, you know what? I think that’s about it. There might be a few positives I’ve missed, and a LOT of examples of the negative I’m forgetting, but let’s go with “Unacceptable” for pretty much everything else.

Advertisements
, , ,

About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

39 Comments on “A Very Un-Rockin’ Post, That Will Not Make Me A Star – And I’m Okay With That”

  1. rossmurray1 Says:

    Well done. You wrote that post like a boss.

    Reply

  2. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Hey can I call myself a Rockstar if i serve tea to anyone and everyone who comes to my house at anytime they want…cos i might have been growing something in that extra room and now serve it calling it special Tea from Japan!!

    You are an expert pls guide me.
    And you do Blog like a Rockstar 🙂

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Only if the tea is served with sugar, honey and/or ginger in crystalized (Thus “rock”) form, and – AND – you become known among your friends for it (therefore a “star”).

      Reply

  3. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Do I count as a rock star because every morning, I sing to my kids: “Does anyone remember how to sleep?!” then pass out in my bowl of oatmeal? (I’m a bit sleep deprived lately due to my daughter’s nightmares, so if this comment makes no sense, that is why)

    Reply

  4. speaker7 Says:

    I read this while Matt Lauer interviewed 98 Degrees on the Today show as if they were rock stars.

    Reply

  5. thefoodandwinehedonist Says:

    Amen to Jethro Tull! I’ll never forgive them for winning the first ever Heavy Metal Grammy over Metallica. Sure it’s not their fault, but they could’ve said, “Thanks to the voters but, I’m sorry, there’s no bloody way we deserve this.”

    I’d also like to add Men at Work with their flute work, too.

    Reply

  6. silkpurseproductions Says:

    I thought anyone who was a “Byromaniac” was a Rock Star. It is a Rock Star kind of name don’t you think.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      It’s true I think of the song “Pyromania” every time I see it. But if all the readers are rock stars, what does that make the writer? Am I the audience? THIS IS LIKE “INCEPTION”!

      Reply

  7. Jackie Cangro Says:

    I don’t know about the parallel parking scenario, but my friend tells me I get rock star parking whenever we find a spot right in front of the store entrance.

    Acceptable / Unacceptable?

    Reply

  8. pegoleg Says:

    What the hell is a spaghetti feed? I need to get out more.

    Reply

  9. Lorna's Voice Says:

    Where do you come up with these ideas? Did you used to write for Seinfeld? 😉

    Reply

  10. Anka Says:

    The only time I use the term “rock star” is when my three year old son is playing air guitar in his car seat. He loves shaking his long locks to “Gold on the Ceiling” by the Black Keys.

    Reply

  11. youngemt95 Says:

    I feel like around here where I live we have kinda phased out the phrase “you are a rockstar.” Great post though!

    Reply

  12. Jason Preater Says:

    But I just love those cheesy American (with apologies for being a Brit) films where a bunch of High School kids meet aliens and save the universe through the power of Rock and Roll, or Buck Rogers in the 25th Century getting heavy with a crappy futuristic guitar and a silly hair-do. If he can be a rock star I think I should be allowed to call my mum a rock star when she figures out how to use the internet!

    Reply

    • UndercoverL Says:

      If your Brit mum figured out how to use the internet, she IS a rock star. There’s something about the older generation of British women that won’t let them figure it out. I’d like to see the Queen Google her grandson’s outlandish behaviour (<— yep, I'm a Yank and I just wrote it like that). Just sayin'….

      Reply

  13. Laura Says:

    I’m kind of a rock star at leaving blog comments.

    Reply

  14. UndercoverL Says:

    I disagree, Byronic. I think that I am a rock star at just about everything (except making friends, for some weird reason), which would make it more a matter of person than situation. You are a rock star at blogging… clearly. This is not open to debate. At all. Rock Star says so.

    Reply

  15. Blogdramedy Says:

    I agree with UndercoverL. She’s a total Rock Star. As am I. Basically, super cool chicks like us are automatically granted Rock Star Status upon birth.

    Reply

  16. Every Record Tells A Story Says:

    I’m with you on this. I have never heard anyone described as a “rock star” for doing mundane things (in the UK), so would be keen to stamp out this unfortunate phrase.
    “You fell out with your fellow band members due to your heroin addiction like a rock star” works.
    “You mowed the lawn like a rock star” does not – although Keith Moon did buy a ride on mower in his pomp and it ended up in his pond.
    On another note, what is the most mundane thing anyone has done, yet still earned the compliment “you did that like a rock star”…?

    Reply

  17. 1pointperspective Says:

    I used to make my roadies take out all the uppers and downers which weren’t brown, then I found out that almost none of the fun meds were brown, so…

    Reply

  18. inkomazi Says:

    Thank you for bringing some extra laughter into my evening. Total rock star material!

    Reply

  19. aaforringer Says:

    “You sir, are a rock star.”

    From the head of the university Geology Dept. to a new professor who just got the Dept. a large and lucrative government grant with no oversight or declared objectives.

    Acceptable or Unacceptable?

    Reply

Every Time You Leave A Comment, An Angel Gets Its Wings.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: