I Coulda Been A Freshly Pressed Contender…

March 28, 2013

Humor

(The short version: Please head over to Peg-O-Leg’s Ramblings for today’s actual piece)

Ah, Freshly Pressed. Is there any title, any endowment, more electric around these parts? And the lengths we’ll go to earn the favor of our beloved WordPress overlords run a pretty wide gamut. There’s the rational (250-450 words, topical, clever title) to the not so rational (“Okay, that time I got featured, I ate cereal with half & half because I was out of milk; and accidentally hit ‘reply all’ on that email; and before I checked my stats I said aloud ‘you know, I don’t even care if I get freshly pressed anymore.’ So… whew, I’m getting fat from all this half & half…”).

thepursuitoffreshlypressedBut one crusading blogger has taken matters in to her own hands. Yes, she is driving to WordPress headquarters to camp outside and demand she be featured.

That’s a lie, but how funny would that be?

No, Peg, over at Peg-O-Leg’s Ramblings has started up “Freshly Pegged” featuring bloggers re-publishing that post – that one that you can’t BELIEVE wasn’t freshly pressed. I mean, surely there was a fire drill at the company and so they missed it, because come ON.

This week she’s graciously reposting one of mine that I particularly liked, and I hope you will, too. And maybe you tell your co-workers about it. Especially if you happen to work for a blogging company. Maybe one that rhymes with “Bird Dress.”

Anyway, please head to Peg’s to read “And If There’s Anything I’ve Forgotten, I Apologize For That, Too. And For Forgetting To Apologize. Sorry.”

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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46 Comments on “I Coulda Been A Freshly Pressed Contender…”

  1. Go Jules Go Says:

    Ha! Did you just update this comment reply prompt (“every time you leave a comment, an angel gets its wings”)? And did you make that image in this post?

    Someone is getting fancy. Bird dress, take note.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      OH MY GOD. I changed that comment prompt about a year ago. A YEAR. It never worked, and I tried repeatedly and finally gave up. Apparently the system was just processing a liiiiiiiiittle slowly.

      Reply

  2. 1pointperspective Says:

    Freshly Pressed! It was the holy grail for me, until it finally happened, then it was a little more like losing my virginity, without all the tears and apologies.

    Reply

  3. Michael Says:

    I might drive over to WordPress headquarters, if I knew where it was. I imagined it was a secret bunker in Colorado somewhere. Not unlike NORAD.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That’s how I’ve always pictured it, too. Although I just read that the founder is 29 – not 29 when he founded it, but 29 now. So now I like to picture it as a 1-bedroom apartment with a Scarface poster on the wall; and when the system goes down it’s because the ferret chewed through the cable.

      Reply

  4. Comfortably Numb Says:

    great idea – I will be checking those links out 🙂

    Reply

  5. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Only reason i haven’t yet been freshly pressed is my insane posts are just too insanely good and those who select posts are aliens and my posts are too good and there are aliens and…….

    Reply

  6. mistyslaws Says:

    Oh man, you mean we can camp out? Why didn’t you tell me this before???

    Ok, you probably won’t hear from me for a while. I’ve got to get moving . . . let’s see, sleeping bag – check, bottled water – check, entergy bars – check, complete and utter lack of humility and/or pride – double check. Ok, wish me luck!!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I also recommend calling them repeatedly, alternating telling them how much you love WordPress and sobbing and calling them bastards. If you get voicemail shriek in to the phone that you KNOW THEY’RE THERE. IS THIS HOW THEY GET THEIR THRILLS? HURTING PEOPLE?

      Reply

  7. twistnpout Says:

    It’s a conspiracy.

    Reply

  8. sophist6 Says:

    I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never make it on Freshly Pressed, nor will I be nominated for any blog awards. I have also decided that I am okay with that. I decided I spent too much time looking at others blogs and thinking, “How did THEY get this?” and I’ve decided it’s a silly practice being even remotely jealous of another bloggers success. So while I would love to add a “Freshly Pressed” graphic to my blog – maybe I’ll just make something up and start a new thing for those of us who haven’t had our ‘spotlight’ moment! 🙂

    Reply

  9. Lorna's Voice Says:

    Hey, Anonymous, you sure are getting a lot of mileage out of that post. Oops, I blew your cover. That’s why I got booted out of AA–that and I just didn’t like the whole groupy-groupy thing,,,or was that groppy-groppy? I can’t remember. It was a long time ago.

    Reply

  10. pegoleg Says:

    My takeover down at WordPress headquarters didn’t have quite the impact I had hoped for. It wasn’t until after I had chained myself to the front gates and sang “We Shall Overcome” for the 27th time that I discovered the place had emptied out for a fire drill…and everybody just went home because it was after 3.

    This post should have been Birdly Dressed for DAMN sure – I’m talking freakin’ Big Bird suit all the way!

    Thanks for lurking and loitering over at my place.

    Reply

  11. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    Freshly Pegged has a ring to it… It’s probably way cooler than being freshly pressed. 🙂

    Reply

  12. UndercoverL Says:

    That whole driving to WP HQ and camping out is not a lie. I leave tomorrow after I am done making bologna sandwiches and cramming Cheetos (Puffs) into snack-sized baggies.

    Reply

  13. thesinglecell Says:

    I checked my stats yesterday and found I’d gotten a HUGE number of hits. I thought I’d been FPd or something. Turns out? Just a whole lot of searches about whether Smokey Robinson has had plastic surgery.

    I don’t know why Smokey was such a hot topic yesterday, though. That part is still a mystery.

    Reply

    • thesinglecell Says:

      Ohhhh, wait. He was on “American Idol.” That’s why.

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I’ve had that happen. Some random spike in search hits or something. I had something like 200 people come to my site within the same hour based on a really specific search – I assume it was a web literacy class or something. That’s always my thought, too. AHA! IT’S HAPPENING!

      Reply

  14. EagleAye Says:

    It is possible to be getting so few hits that even FP can’t find you?

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      They should really have employees, or even just a program, to give a few hits here and there for newer blogs, or blogs that haven’t found an audience – just to act as encouragement.

      Reply

  15. Maria Says:

    What a great concept – it’s the anti-hero, it’s UN-pressed. Love it and wish like hell I’d thought of it first! *laugh*

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I also really like that it’s still very positive – there’s a lot of sort of angry “Screw FP” responses that are – while understandable – a bit petulant feeling. And also fairly affected, because you know the people who angrily denounce FP would delete their “Not Featured on FP” buttons in a heartbeat once they were featured.

      Reply

      • Maria Says:

        Byronic Man, you’re right! Geeze, I would love to be freshly pressed but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a little satire on the subject. 🙂

        Reply

  16. Teepee12 Says:

    Whatever it is that Freshly Pressed is looking for, I obviously am lacking it. I console myself by writing the best stuff I can and noting that a few people seem to like it. Sigh. But ah, recognition. How sweet … how ephemeral.

    Reply

  17. The Blog Identity Says:

    I’m doing something similar on my blog, not only reposting some great blog posts, but featuring blogs, websites and anything internet that I find really interesting. For those of you who really want a ‘feature button’, you can have mine “Featured on the Blog Identity!” lol

    Reply

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