Q: Are You Still A Smart-Ass? A: Yes. Yes, I Am.

February 28, 2013

Humor

I came across this questionnaire I got sent before my high-school class reunion.  I thought I just share it, with my responses (well, except I added the pictures, of course). 

1. What did you do immediately after high-school?: Immediately after high school my family took a bunch of awkward photos; then, I believe I went to that sponsored, all-night grad party, where I won a fishing pole.  (Ka-ching!)  After that, though, I went to college, where I received no fishing poles.

2. What kind of work do you do?: I teach, I write, and I make small, independent films (the budgets are small and independent, the films are normal sized).

3. Do you have a significant other?: My wife is Michele; how we met is a long story, each moment of which is more precious and delightful than the one before.

Ah, memories...

Ah, memories…

4. What’s your favorite high-school memory?: My favorite high-school memory would have to be that time that my girlfriend, my best friend and I all skipped school, we took my friend’s dad’s sports car, and we snuck in to a fancy restaurant and I wound up singing a Beatles’ song on a float in this big parade, and… wait… that wasn’t me.

5. What would you change about yourself since high-school?: I would fill in questionnaires with more gravity and seriousness.

6. If you could do high-school again, what would you do differently?: More everything: study more, play more, apply myself more, goof off more, appreciate things more and get in trouble more.  Except sheer, awkward, adolescent dorkiness.  I could do a little less of that.  Oh, and I would resist the “mullet” trend.

Sometimes on weekends I like to kick-back and make things explode with the power of my mind.  Sigh.  When did I get so vanilla?

Sometimes I like to kick-back and make things explode with the power of my mind. Sigh. When did I get so vanilla?

7. What are your hobbies and interests?: The usual, I suppose.  Shark wrestling, starting doomsday cults, driving around in a van solving mysteries.  Your basic ‘grown-up’ stuff.

8. Have you achieved your dreams?:  Absolutely.  Psh.  Of course.  Every single one of them.  Life is just a smooth, level glide of bliss now.  No, of course I haven’t!  Has anyone?  Great, now I have to go lie in the floor, consumed in existential despair and think about my failures in life.  Thanks a lot, Reunion Questionnaire. Actually, I would I would be concerned if I’d chosen a path for myself in which I already had.  Some things are going easily, most things are going with some difficulty, a few are very, very hard.

9. Any messages to your classmates?: COUGAR FOOTBALL RULES!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!

I felt like a king...

I felt like a king…

10. What accomplishment are you most proud of?:  Probably winning that fishing pole at the graduation party.  That was my peak… (*weeps quietly*).

11. One thing you wish you knew in high-school?: That you will regret the things you haven’t done even more than the things you have.

12. Your Favorite teacher and why: Experience.  I know, BOOM, right?  I’m totally wise.  I’m like the Buddha.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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62 Comments on “Q: Are You Still A Smart-Ass? A: Yes. Yes, I Am.”

  1. SammyScoops Says:

    Haha, I could definitely appreciate the humor in the responses, the sarcasm struck me being eerily to stuff I used to say.

    Us class clowns sure do catch a bad rep though don’t we? Im still trying to live down an incident from the 3rd grade…. Im definitely skipping THAT reunion.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      3rd grade was where I discovered my clownness, too. Weird.

      Reply

      • SammyScoops Says:

        I actually think mine started a little earlier, 3rd grade was just a cruel joke played on me by the Elementary School gods or something.

        After I brushed that one off as bestI could, grabbed what was left of my dignity and went back to human sacrifice to keep those sick bastards happy.

        A surprisingly efficient payment method

        Reply

  2. rossmurray1 Says:

    Imposed nostalgia never tasted so good.

    Reply

  3. Life With The Top Down Says:

    I certainly hope that the reunion coordinators appreciated these responses as much as I did. They tend to take their High School Reunion Coordinator title a little serious some times.

    Reply

  4. Go Jules Go Says:

    Umm… why have Uncle Jesse and I not been invited to ride in this mystery-solving van, and why is there a funny-smelling smoke coming out the windows? And why does the driver have a mullet?

    I bet you thought you’d already answered the hard questions, huh?

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Well, the mystery solving gets pretty dull after a while. As soon as you meet old Mr. Witherspoon, you skip the dramatics and say, “You. You’re pretending to be the ghost. I know, I know, you’d have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for us meddling kids.”

      Reply

  5. She's a Maineiac Says:

    I need to know a few more things:

    1) Tell us the juicy details of how you met your wife in an upcoming post.

    2) In this post, please post several photos of your mullet.

    That’s all I ask.

    Reply

  6. Elyse Says:

    Oh, B-Man. Are you a smartass? Yes.

    And if you like, I can loan you a picture of my actual smart ass to show off to your old pals. Seriously, I just posted on this last nigh: http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2013/02/27/hey-doc-do-i-need-this/

    Reply

  7. speaker7 Says:

    I think it is so weird that we have the exact same hobbies and interests. My doomsday cult has shark-wrestling as a prerequisite.

    Reply

  8. leilainparadise Says:

    As near as I have been able to discern, my reunion coordinators all tipple a little too much on a daily basis and would appreciate your answers immensely. Would you care to go to MY reunion in my place? I doubt they would notice the gender difference.

    Reply

  9. mairedubhtx Says:

    Good answers all. Very thoughtful. The committee will be pleased.

    Reply

  10. mistyslaws Says:

    I’m not quite sure I see the smartassedness. Can you expound on your role as smartass and please use multiple examples? Show your work.

    And hey . . . wanna go fishing this weekend?

    Reply

  11. spilledinkguy Says:

    The Buddha… WITH… a fishing pole.

    Reply

  12. pegoleg Says:

    I want to know all about your high school, where the graduation night traditions involve fishing. (insert senior class picture where everyone has a beard and is wearing big, yellow slickers like the Gorton’s Fisherman).

    Aw, jeez, just realized I never got Mr. Buddha to sign my yearbook!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That was the best part: it was totally incongruous (the prizes were whatever area vendors donated), and if you’d asked every single person I knew in high school to describe me and my interests, fishing would have come up exactly no times.

      Reply

  13. Anka Says:

    Grad night was memorable for me too. I won a Sanyo boom box with a dual cassette recorder and CD player. Best prize a teenage girl could receive. Sadly, I haven’t won anything since.

    Reply

  14. sj Says:

    Everything is different, but the same…things are more moderner than before…bigger, and yet smaller…it’s computers…

    Reply

  15. Jackie Cangro Says:

    Did you end up going to the reunion?
    At my 10 year reunion they made us wear buttons with our senior photos on them. No one recognized me. Seriously.

    Still not sure if that was good or bad…

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I remember some of both good and bad “who are you again?” situations. Some people had blossomed, others, you wondered why the old man was hanging around the drink table.

      I’d ASSUME it was the blossoming one.

      Reply

  16. Fish Out of Water Says:

    Man you’re reunion committee is on it. My last reunion was in a dark bar. I got a sticker with my name on it and a free drink ticket. I spent the whole night being called Carrie (which is not my name) by some girl I never hung out with in high school.

    Oh, and you sir, are hilarious.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Apparently reunions are dying out in the Facebook age. Dark bars are about the best you can hope for. Shame. There’s something about them that’s strangely terrific.

      Reply

  17. Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) Says:

    I’m more than a little pissed off that I’ve never been sent a reunion questionnaire. I’m the opposite of Sally Field at the Oscars a kazillion years ago: “They really don’t love me!”

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      See, the person who drinks to much and finally lets it all out after all these years is half the reason to go to a reunion. It’s their loss.

      My favorite reunion statement: “Hey I have that jacket, too! I was going to wear it, but didn’t want to look slutty.”

      Reply

  18. Reheated Coffee Says:

    If only I had a fishing pole from high school. It’s so perfectly random and prestigious all at once. I haven’t yet achieved my dreams either, but I think I have a new dream and that is to win a fishing pole.

    Reply

  19. Dana Says:

    What does the reunion committee plan to do with the completed questionnaires? [shifty eyes] Are they spies? Why is your fishing pole prize any of their business? I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about the shark wrestling or the doomsday cult! I need answers, Byronic Man, REAL ANSWERS!

    Reply

  20. Blogdramedy Says:

    You graduated? Huh.

    Reply

  21. Lorna's Voice Says:

    Indeed, the Buddha is smiling. Then again, he’s always smiling.

    Reply

  22. 1pointperspective Says:

    Just found out we’re having my reunion on Facebook. Click here if you like male pattern baldness and pictures of grandkids!

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I’ve heard that that’s the thing now. I think that sounds awful. Just unbearable. Nothing like drinking alone in the dark while reading other people boast about their accomplishments!

      Reply

  23. on thehomefrontandbeyond Says:

    good answers – you win some bait for your fishing pole!

    Reply

  24. A Renaissance Glow Says:

    Haha, as if smart-assness is something one grows out of, speaking from my own experience, it’s something one grows into. I don’t remember winning anything at my Senior All Night Party, but it’s fuzzy because I’m so old, lol.

    Reply

  25. Sandy Sue Says:

    High School. *shudder*

    Reply

  26. Michelle Gillies Says:

    I’m so glad I have never had to answer one of those questionnaires. You are wise. Very wise like the Budha.

    Reply

  27. travellingmo Says:

    Experience is truly a great teacher. I totally agree with your “what I’d do different if I had to do high school again” answer: more of everything. Especially goofing off. I was kind of a goody-two-shoes, I could have gotten in way more trouble in high school and still turned out ok. Only I didn’t know that at the time.

    Reply

  28. Cheri Thacker Says:

    I had aspirations in high school of authoring the Best Humor Blog Ever. And that was pretty ambitious given that Al Gore hadn’t even invented the internet back then. Now I can only aspire to author the Best Humor Blog Not Written By The Byronic Man.

    Great post!

    Reply

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