Resolutions For 2013
1. Eat entire sandwich, get “I finished the Heart-Buster” shirt and face of Wall Of Fame.
2. Finish “Resolutions For 2012” (note to self – probably exclude #3: Finish “Resolutions For 2011”)
3. Learn in-laws’ names.
4. Read every blog on the Internet and leave thoughtful comments daily.
5. Learn to slow down and live in the moment.
6. Do more of everything and do it all better. A lot better.
7. Take in car for maintenance, or at least buy new black tape to cover the Check Engine light.
8. Quit smoking (note to self: will need to start smoking)
9. Be ninth caller, win concert tickets.
10. Been to paradise (Resolutions For 2007, # 4), but never been to me.
11. Figure out what these Eye Pods are that everyone’s been talking about.
12. Stop falling for every goofball apocalypse prediction that comes along.
13. Stop paying ridiculous rental interest rates and finally buy own toothbrush.
The Byronic Man 
December 27, 2012 at 3:04 am
A worthy list! I’m starting mine soon (now where did I put that notepad?).
December 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Resolution: Buy notepad.
December 27, 2012 at 3:14 am
I’m puzzled over the Eye Pads myself.
December 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm
I know, I tried putting the Eye Pads on my face and my eyes still looked puffy. Worse, actually.
December 27, 2012 at 3:31 am
ha ha ha – I am going to make so many resolutions for 2013 that I will just have to fulfill some of them–I think I may start with buying my own toothbrush – thanks for this hit of comedy
December 29, 2012 at 3:50 pm
You could do a resolution a day. By 2014 you’ll rule the world!
December 29, 2012 at 6:30 pm
something to definitely think about–hmm
December 27, 2012 at 4:58 am
My too-skinny sister is making a resolution to QUIT the YMCA. I’m trying my hardest to make a resolution not to hate her.
December 29, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I’d take it on a day-by-day for a while. You don’t want to jump in to not hating someone. You might regret it later.
December 27, 2012 at 5:16 am
Owning is highly overrated. Sharing is caring, I say. Might want to make a note to add to your 2014 list: Take daily antibiotics. You’ll thank me later.
December 29, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I take antibiotics every day. Sure, my immune system is shot, but hey – antibiotics are like an immune system in a pill!
December 27, 2012 at 5:16 am
#28. Stop and smell the roses
#29. Remember to plant roses
December 29, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I have a rose-smelling app that lets me smell the roses without ever having to slow down, much less stop. It’s just as life-affrming without any wasted minutes! I’ve also got the “sitting here watching the world go round and round” app. By using them both, I can multi-task my leisure.
December 27, 2012 at 5:30 am
Wanna jump off the fiscal cliff with me? We can hold hands. 😉
December 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I had to stop paying attention to that whole thing – I know it’s a big deal, but there’s so much media hoop-jumping and political air-bagging that I had to stop. Just say when to jump and I’m ready.
December 30, 2012 at 9:19 am
Actually, truth be old, I thought we had already fallen off the cliff. Seriously, how can we have so much debt and even be hanging on to that branch that is sticking out of the cliff. I think it snapped a long time ago. This is all phoney-baloney.
December 27, 2012 at 5:32 am
I think 4, 5 and 6 are especially doable. If I could suggest an addition? Solve all problems.
December 29, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Agreed. Also: make no mistakes or bad decision at all.
December 27, 2012 at 6:58 am
5 and 6 might be in conflict.
December 29, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Only if you AREN’T TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
December 27, 2012 at 7:00 am
#13 is so great.
December 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm
I realized after I left town that it’s kinda sorta stolen from a joke from the 1984 movie Fletch. Someone asks Chevy Chase if he owns rubber gloves and he replies, “I lease, actually, with an option to buy.”
Do you think I might be overly-concerned about joke-theft?
December 27, 2012 at 7:28 am
Those smokers have it so easy when it comes to resolutions.
December 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm
They get all the breaks, don’t they?
December 27, 2012 at 7:31 am
Great list.
I am finding number 4 quite impossible! X
December 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I need to hire some personal assistants to leave comments on blogs for me and then give me briefings. It’s the only way.
December 27, 2012 at 7:37 am
Great list. I’ve always had #6 nailed. This year I will add “Be humble about it.”
December 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm
That’s a good idea. Then you can work on being more humble than anyone else, and more consistently so.
December 27, 2012 at 8:13 am
Number 4 seems pretty much doable.
Numbers 8 and 11 – gold.
December 29, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I think attempting to leave enough comments is how spamming got started. Someone got fed up and invented a program to go around saying, “I have to say to you: This blog writing of yours is of the most exceptional I have seen!”
December 29, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Wouldn’t surprise me!
December 27, 2012 at 9:46 am
Fantastic list! I have never made a New Year’s resolution. It’d probably end up like my job review goals I have to make every year….which I make and then forget about until my next job review in October.
December 29, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Really? I actually always make them. I like envisioning what I want the coming year to look like. It often leads to so glum reflection around December 29th, but until then…
December 27, 2012 at 10:03 am
#15 Floss at least one tooth per day.
December 29, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Always a good idea to pace yourself. Like EVERY tooth needs attention EVERY day. Please.
December 27, 2012 at 10:04 am
13 goals, Bryonic? 13? Doesn’t that mean that the world will end when you keep the 13th?
Oh.
December 29, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Theres actually 2,013 of them. I like to make one resolution for every year. It’s a daunting task, but thank God I’m not Chinese!
(Because it’s, like, 4709 or something in the Chinese calendar. Not because I have anything against the Chinese. Just to clarify.)
December 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Good thing you caught me before I alerted the world that you were anti-Chinese, Bryonic. It was close. You know what a tattle-tale I am.
December 27, 2012 at 10:04 am
I kind of like the idea of a Goofball Apocalypse. Someone should make a prediction about it, or maybe a musical.
December 29, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I could get behind a Goofball Apocalypse. Something hilarious. Lots of pies being thrown.
December 27, 2012 at 10:55 am
Number FOUR! yes! I will never get there–but I have hope. I fpeople would just stop blogging for two damn seconds.
Oh, and number 6. But I’m thinking it would be even better if I could have someone else do everything better for me.
December 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm
That’s the resolution I really need: Get manager and personal assistant
December 27, 2012 at 11:28 am
I have #10 on my eye pod.
December 29, 2012 at 4:14 pm
24 hours after writing this posted I really regretted #10, which had then been going through my head for 23 hours and 57 minutes.
December 27, 2012 at 11:55 am
Brilliant, I’m so going to start smoking on the 31st with the intention of quitting the next day. The glow of accomplishment will be mine
December 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm
If you threw in glue-sniffing and eating frosting from the can on the 31st, people would think you’d really turned things around in 2013.
December 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Excellent list. I’m going to steal #4-6 if that’s ok. And, good luck with this. We can all feel like failures on Jan 2nd together.
December 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Why wait till January 2nd?
December 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Well, we all need a day to feel like a Rock Star.
December 29, 2012 at 4:12 pm
I was just reading that January 21st is the most depressing day of the year, statistically speaking. Holiday highs are over, it’s crappier out, and people are realizing their resolutions aren’t going to do themselves. So, by giving up on the 2nd you’re really just being efficient.
December 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The best New Year’s resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions. But it’s one of the hardest goals to achieve.
December 29, 2012 at 4:17 pm
I find the best approach is hiding under a blanket where the resolutions can’t find you.
December 29, 2012 at 7:38 pm
In order to do that, I’d have to make a resolution to buy a blanket.
December 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Thanks for #10. Now that song is stuck in my head, along with the shameful knowledge that I bought that 45 as a kid.
December 29, 2012 at 4:20 pm
I really wondered if anyone would get #10. I’ve been pleasantly surprised!
Sorry to hear about the 45.
December 27, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Good luck with the whole Eye Pod thing. You’re gonna love it!
December 29, 2012 at 4:21 pm
I just can’t figure out where you put in the cassette tape.
December 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm
I had lots of eye pads as a child (5 eye operations in 5 years) – not the kind of eye pad thing you were looking for?
December 29, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Yeeeugh… eye operations…
Although, reason #250 to be glad you live when you do, not a century ago.
December 27, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I’m going to borrow numbers 2, 9 and 10. I am also planning on buying a new pen and using it all the way to the end. I have never done that before. It will be huge achievement.
December 29, 2012 at 4:19 pm
I have the opposite problem – I find a pen is empty, so I put it back in the drawer and look for a different one. It’s shockingly dumb.
December 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm
#3 is priceless – made me spit my drink, thankfully it was water.
December 29, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Every time someone spits their drink reading something I wrote, an angel gets its wings, so I’m glad to hear it.
December 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Then there are a TON of angels scoring each week! 🙂
December 29, 2012 at 8:58 am
A resolution I can actually attempt and perhaps fulfill!
Learn in-laws names.
December 29, 2012 at 4:23 pm
You could always substitute it with “come up with nicknames for in-laws I can remember.”
December 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm
I have those already, just can’t use them when they are in the room.
January 3, 2013 at 7:10 am
I’ve been forgetting to buy a new toothbrush for like three months.
Every time I use my toothbrush, I’m all “Ew! Today is the day!”
But it’s not! *sob
January 3, 2013 at 8:02 am
And you never think there’s that big of a difference until you get the new one, and suddenly the old one seems like an overcooked piece of asparagus you’ve been trying to clean your teeth with.