The baby is 8 weeks old now, which means it was time for KB’s first round of immunizations on Thursday. “Some babies fuss and cry throughout the night,” the doctor said, “some cry for a little while and then just want to sleep it off.” I don’t know what she said after that, because all I could hear in my head was:
Pleasebeasleeperpleasebeasleeperpleasebeasleeperpleasebeasleeperpleasebeasleeperpleasebeasleeper
So they gave her the, approximately, 75 shots in her little legs. After a moment of “What the…?” she broke out a cry that I like to think she’s been saving for just such a special occasion. You can almost see the thought process of “Hey, this isn’t ‘hungry’ or ‘lonely’ or ‘bored’ or even ‘I seem to be sitting in something squishy’… this… this F***ING HURTS.” The cry sounded roughly like this:
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
KB, in a more innocent time. before she learned the harsh truths…
But the cry was nothing. Well, not nothing, it was a giant drill in my ear, but it was nothing to the face. The big frown, the tears in the eyes, and the sad sad disappointed look of, “This is awful and I hate it and why aren’t you making it better? I only know two people and usually you make it better.”
Then, moments later, she went to sleep…
We tread carefully all evening. Sleeping. We ate dinner. Sleeping. We got ready for bed. Sleeping. Then, I was stupid and thought “What luck! She’s a sleeper!”
Cue record scratch.
Ready laugh track.
And yes, less than a minute later:
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
The kid’s got excellent comic timing.
About an hour later she went back to sleep, but would only stay there if being held. So we’ve taken shifts, trying to keep Baby Hulk from re-emerging. So it’s been a long couple of days.
But hey, at least it’s over and she’ll never be in a scary, bad situation I can’t make better again…
The Byronic Man 
December 8, 2012 at 6:27 am
I hated watching my babies wince with pain. They always looked at me like, “What was that for?” I am glad to hear that you remained brave for her and didn’t faint… 🙂
December 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I know – it seems unfair to inflict pain before you can at least explain what it is.
December 8, 2012 at 6:32 am
Dare to dream. And try not to think about the teenage years even for a moment.
December 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm
We had her genetically modified to skip adolescence.
December 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm
I wish I’d thought of that. Fortunately, relations turned to normal toward the end of their teen years. Enjoy the ride, Byronic.
December 8, 2012 at 6:33 am
Hahaha! Let the teething begin!
December 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Try frozen waffles. They worked for friends.
December 8, 2012 at 3:41 pm
We have a “Sophie” which has been sworn by by a lot of friends. The problem is, our beagle is quite convinced it’s the coolest chew toy in the house and he can’t wait for it to be taken off that shelf.
December 9, 2012 at 6:55 am
Yeah. No. I was referring to the WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
December 8, 2012 at 6:34 am
Been through all of it 3 times and they all have impeccable timing. Fun to see other people going through it and keeping the humor…..All the Best
Your Pal, Fitzy
December 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm
It’s like their born with a natural instinct for ironic/inconvenient timing.
December 8, 2012 at 6:37 am
But… but… LOOK AT HER.
Holy crap.
Totally worth it.
December 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Isn’t that picture just too much? “Ain’t I a li’l stinker?”
December 8, 2012 at 6:37 am
She is adorable!! I am glad you got through that. There won’t be any more bad times…I swear
December 8, 2012 at 3:45 pm
That’s what I thought.
December 8, 2012 at 6:54 am
Love your optimism, though I know you winked as you typed it….or maybe that was a nervous tic…hard to tell from here.
December 8, 2012 at 6:56 am
By the way, I know you’re sleep deprived, but it’s not fair for Michael over at Hypothetically Writing to have to live with half of my face…hell, it’s not even fair for me to have to live with it, but I don’t have much of a choice.
December 8, 2012 at 3:45 pm
I know, I know. I remembered that this morning. Basically, everything on here has to be done in extensive stages now.
December 8, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Hope you liked your greeting card – I made it myself!
December 8, 2012 at 7:01 am
First things first….KB is beautiful & that imagine is beyond adorable! I love her deep thought finger to the lips and devilish grin … “hmm, what shall I do today to get some attention?”
The pleading eyes will get your heart every time. My daughter wouldn’t let out a peep, giving the doctor the “I’ll show you” treatment.” She saved her banshee shrills for when she was safe in the car seat and we desperately tried to drive.
December 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I don’t know how we caught that face in the picture, but I can’t not laugh when I look at it.
And good for daughter for showing that stupid doctor!
December 8, 2012 at 7:12 am
I hate the shots. It is the most awful thing to watch the torment those put your child through.
December 8, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Especially with just no understanding of “Why?” And it gets written in the hard-wiring of your brain. Even now if I have to get a shot I know it’s not really going to hurt, but there’s this part of my brain shrieking, “OH GOD, A SHOT! THIS IS GOING TO BE AGONY! AGONY!”
December 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Ever since his first shots, my little one hates going to the doctor. He knows.
December 8, 2012 at 7:15 am
My daughter is 14 years old now and I still vividly remember the day of her first immunizations. The nurse said, “I think Mom cried as hard as Baby did.” Yeah, that was the last time anything “bad or scary” ever happened.
December 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm
And then we have the two, TWO, follow-up booster shots. Ugh.
December 8, 2012 at 7:26 am
8 weeks? That’s the age when everything gets easier. Cue laughter from Canada. But I was told that “the first six weeks with twins are impossible. Then it gets easier…”
December 8, 2012 at 3:48 pm
I always thought having twins would be great. Then I had a baby… twins newborns? The thought makes me want to cross myself.
December 8, 2012 at 7:36 am
Awww. I bet you’ll be a great dad, though!
December 8, 2012 at 7:37 am
Er… not that you aren’t… already…. Sigh. I meant in all those upcoming scary situations. 🙂 Go get ’em, Byronic Man!
December 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Oh, I know what you really meant. You meant I’m a terrible father and you can tell all the way through the Internet… I knew it…
December 8, 2012 at 7:41 am
Love that photo. She looks like she has a big secret. “Shh…don’t tell anyone, but I’m not a sleeper. They’ll find out soon enough.”
December 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm
She’s more of a “rock star contract” sleeper. “I will sleep under the following extensive and seemingly random conditions…”
December 9, 2012 at 11:37 am
Like no green m&ms in the dressing rooms?
December 8, 2012 at 7:45 am
Oh my gosh, what a cutie pie. And I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure you’re absolutely right that this is the worst of it. It’s smooth sailing from here on out, buddy.
December 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm
That picture just cracks me up. I love it. Thanks.
December 8, 2012 at 7:55 am
Our doc used to prescribe a dose of tylenol an hour before shots. That way it was in their system before they needed it.
I feel your pain. But you’re right. You will never have to do that again. Not ever. For at least six weeks. You poor things!
December 8, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Our doc wanted, at least for the first one, to resist tylenol as long as we could to get a gauge of her natural reaction to the shot, and to let her system do the fighting. A logical idea… on paper.
December 8, 2012 at 7:58 am
I’m sure she’ll toughen up from looking at the scary lions daily.
December 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm
You should have seen them when we moved in – the previous owner put red jeweled eyes on them. She was a bit eccentric. She also needed a separate U-Haul for her lawn gnomes.
December 8, 2012 at 9:41 am
Only fifteen more years of shots on occasion, unless she decides to travel in the tropics…
I always nursed immediately after a shot. Even after circumcision it was like a dog that sees a squirrel, or a cat with a laser light on the floor: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts! oh yum, milk.
December 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm
When it looked like she’d just sleep for a day afterward my initial thought was, “Hey! Let’s get her ALL the shots! She’s bound to go to the Congo SOME day!” I’m a very bad man.
December 8, 2012 at 9:48 am
I love that KB looks like she has a total secret on you that she is about to share with us. It may be that you just let somebody in a white jacket poke steel bits into her tiny little leg. Or maybe she forgot about that already. Maybe she is just letting us in on how she is going to get back at you for that .
She’s gorgeous and I’m sure she gets her sense of humour from you.
December 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm
On one hand I know that shot was just complete luck of timing, On the other, though, I really like to think she knew exactly what she was doing.
December 8, 2012 at 10:48 am
“What luck, she’s a sleeper” is obviously one of those phrases you should never say, like, “at least it’s not raining”, or “what could possibly go wrong” or “I am invincible!”
Also, awwwwwwwww. Very cute. I like the little green hat, too. Seems Christmasy.
December 9, 2012 at 7:23 am
I’ve wondered if you could overload “the fates.” You know, just constantly make those “don’t tempt fate” comments, ’round the clock. “Well, I can’t wait for the coffee to brew because it’s not raining and there’s no way there’ll be a power outage and nothing can stop me because not even God himself could break the coffee maker.” “Time to put on my shoes! And nothing could possible go wrong, because…”
December 8, 2012 at 11:01 am
Awe!! New daddy yumminess!
I remember those moments, as a mom not a dad cause I’m a woman and all that, praying that my baby would stop crying cause I loved him so deeply. I felt the tears cut right through my heart and then the milk would drop and that was a whole new feeling of pain( I’ll spare you the details).
Enjoy the smell of her babydom… So short lived are these moments in her life and yours.
December 9, 2012 at 7:24 am
It’s funny because I know that’s true, and I know it’ll all seem like a blur, but while still in these first couple months whenever people say, “Oh, it goes so fast” all I can think is, “No, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t.”
December 8, 2012 at 11:38 am
I know, I always hated the shots and that feeling that you can’t make it better. It’s a good thing they don’t remember much about being a babe. It sounds like you’re a good parenting team though. These things will make you stronger.
December 9, 2012 at 7:25 am
It’s such a two-sided thing: on one hand they won’t remember any of it. On the other hand everything’s being written in to such a deep level in their brains.
December 8, 2012 at 11:58 am
Yep, totally all down hill after the immunizations. Nothing to worry about now. Nope. Not teething or boys or driving. Just breath a sigh of relief now. Phew.
December 9, 2012 at 7:28 am
As much as teething hurts, it’s got to be some kind of blessing that kids can’t grasp the sheer psychological horror of the concept of teeth emerging from your skull.
December 8, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Ahem. Dream on, buster. This is only the beginning. But just think about all the super keen stories she’ll be telling when she gets older.
December 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Shots are just awful. It’s nice when they’re little though, and holding them makes everything better.
December 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Phew! You got through the worst part. Absolute smooth sailing, easy peasy pie, sugar dumplies rainbow forest fest from now on. I have no idea what I just wrote because my 2.5 year old has been sick for a solid week and I have lost my mind.
December 8, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Don’t worry. It’ll just cost you another year of therapy.
December 9, 2012 at 7:26 am
Way ahead of you. My parents are both therapists, so I’m just starting her now.
December 9, 2012 at 9:03 am
But wait, they’re supposed to help screw her up. You and your wife can’t do it alone!
December 9, 2012 at 2:12 am
“But hey, at least it’s over and she’ll never be in a scary, bad situation I can’t make better again…”
this is the most important part, and the biggest reason that you posted the blog in the first place.
Get used to it Big Guy. This is the first of many times you’ll never be able to save your little girl…….
December 9, 2012 at 7:48 am
The one that killed me was when he couldn’t walk, only crawl and DRAGGED HIS LEG BEHIND HIM after getting those 72 shots. (this was years ago, they must’ve found a few more diseases)
Glad she’s better, poor poppet!
December 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Awwww, poor Baby Byronic… she’ll get over it much faster than you will, Daddy-O. Parents must be brave…
December 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Beautiful baby, Byronic. I know how helpless you must have felt while she got those shots. I felt that way when our oldest daughter had to have 3 (or was it 5?) stitches after she fell (or jumped) off the couch and hit her head on the coffee table. Sorry for the confusion. That sets in, too, after childbirth.
Enjoy your little girl.
December 10, 2012 at 6:20 am
I’ve gone over in my head many times the various things I did to myself as a little kid, trying to coach myself that kids get hurt, and they recover. I don’t know it it will calm me, though.
December 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm
OMG, she is so cute. My baby girl is 8.5 . . . that’s just wrong somehow. Hope she’s feeling better.
December 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm
She is lovely, devilishly so. She is thinking, Dad you will so pay for that one, oh yeah at least 15,000,000 missed curfews, parking by the lake…what else can I think of. Oh yeah, boyfriend with pierced tongue (that ought get him). Yeah Dad, you will so pay for this one.
But love you Dad, aren’t I your little dumplin’
December 10, 2012 at 8:14 am
She is such a cutie pie! Glad she’s starting to feel better.
Bet she learned that comedic timing from her pops!
December 10, 2012 at 8:16 am
I like her style. A well-timed scream has more impact that being a perpetual screamer. I think that’s a point in the smart-column for her.
December 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm
You’re ___ years old, Byronic Man. Time to learn the truth of the world.
1) You’re an utter a–hole for making her get shots. (Jerk. That’s from her. She told me to say that.) 2) She is plotting revenge, which begins with pooping on your hand, up the back of her onesie, and ends somewhere along the lines of dating a guy with facial piercings and unidentifiable tattoos. That’s what that smile is about. 3) She is the first in an army of disarming children that will melt your heart and kick you in the balls and leave you craving more. 4) Give her mother a nice cup of tea and a foot rub because being a mom is hard.
I am kidding about number 1. It does get harder, but the rewards get greater. Other than the noise, girls seem to be easier at a young age. Of course, with boys you have to worry about one penis. With girls, you have to worry about them all. 😉
Good job, man.
December 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm
I really dig KB’s street look with the gangstah hat. Fo sizzle, dawg!
December 12, 2012 at 6:46 am
She is adorable! Congratulations!
December 13, 2012 at 7:45 am
She is just plain adorable!!!!!
December 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm
That is the cutest baby in the cutest hat!
December 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm
I can’t argue with you on either point.
December 21, 2012 at 11:23 pm
LOL “Baby Hulk.” Glad you’re having fun being a dad. It’s awesome having a newborn in the house! (Not like I’m inviting one, or anything. Really. Been there. Done that.)